I'll agree watching porn is not bad... its normal for guys. However I will say that chatting with people at adult sites is likely crossing the line due to interaction with other individuals. Looking is fine as long as its just looking.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I'll agree watching porn is not bad....its normal for guys. However I will say that chatting with people at adult sites is likely crossing the line due to interaction with other individuals. Looking is fine as long as its just looking.

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Chatting sexually with people is crossing the line, I agree, but I still don't think it is classified as cheating.

Cheating is defined by the two people in the relationship. If they can't agree on where the lines are, then what are they doing together in the first place?

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Cheating is defined by the two people in the relationship. If they can't agree on where the lines are, then what are they doing together in the first place?

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Exactly. And I'm stating where me and by husband decided the lines would be crossed.

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Originally Posted by touji-za-nai

from a man:
THATS SO STUPID!!

how on earth can any woman be ok with this!? It's one thing if the man is single but when he is in a relationship he shouldn't need porn! If he were to masturbate to you, thats sounds ok, you might be waiting, but if he looks at other women its a problem.

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Well it sounds like you are a one of a kind man then.

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Originally Posted by touji-za-nai

whether or not the man/woman came into physical contact and had REAL sex with another person, lt is still saying "I need somebody else because you just can't do it"

ITS WRONG- sheesh'

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It in no way means he needs someone else. Looking at a naked woman does not mean he wants to or is going to cheat. It just means he likes to look at porn. What is the big friggin deal?

It is a good thing you don't speak for every man, because I know plenty that would disagree with you.

I watch porn, My wife is there with me or near me when I do. She knows its not cheating nor will it drive me to cheat. She keeps herself in great shape, and we are both pretty much on the same sheet of music with keeping things interesting so neither of us get bored with sex with each other. 16 years now and is better than day one. I've been with plenty of women before we married so I know all too well anyone I cheat with would likely be far worse than any better than I have right now.

That is all the incentive I need to not stray.

My wife knows she is no supermodel, but she also knows its not supermodel looks that keeps me with her.

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Cheating is defined by the two people in the relationship. If they can't agree on where the lines are, then what are they doing together in the first place?

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I think its so important that couples honestly communicate their feelings to each other, and resolve issues like this one, and set their own rules and boundaries.

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Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Chatting sexually with people is crossing the line, I agree, but I still dont think it is classified as cheating.

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I strongly believe that by doing ANYTHING with another person, that you should ONLY be doing with your SO, is cheating. Emotionally or physically.

If you have to HIDE it from your partner, then it's probably cheating. Period.

However, if your partner is okay with chatting, looking at porn, having a threesome, swinging, going to strip clubs, signing up at dating sites, whatever---how is that cheating?

The key to this is communication! You have to TALK to one another and define it WITH each other. If one person doesn't think it's cheating, and one person DOES... there are bigger problems in the relationship than just someone's hurt feelings (not that hurt feelings aren't important, but communication is probably the most important thing in a relationship.)

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Originally Posted by Gilda1981

My boyfriend of three years is a very avid porn watcher and collector. This has always bothered me and left me feeling inadequate. He has in secret downloaded tons of porn movies off internet web sites and has viewed them in secret. I have automatically always taken offense to this fact. Whenever I have confronted him concerning this matter he never has anything to say. I guess this question is to all the ladies out there. How would you feel if your boyfriend watched porn in secret? Would you yourself assume that he does not find you attractive and needs to find sexual release with images of other women. Yet, if this was the case I don't think our relationship would have lasted this long. This observation of him has made me constantly feel a need to fit his definition and concept of beauty. :mad:

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I think were getting off track here with the OP... She said IN SECRET. There's a difference here. If he was doing it and letting her know or getting her opinion on it, it would be a little different.. But in all truth, he hid it from her. I said it before and I'll say it again, if there's nothing to hide, then hide nothing.

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Originally Posted by self_lnflicted_hell

I think were getting off track here with the OP...She said IN SECRET. There's a difference here. If he was doing it and letting her know or getting her opinion on it, it would be a little different..But in all truth, he hid it from her. I said it before and I'll say it again, if there's nothing to hide, then hide nothing.

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They need to talk, period. Communicate and compromise. He should be as comfortable as she expressing their feelings, and in your words work it out. Ultimatuims and a stance of not budging, is one partner controlling the other to get what they want. Not good. That's what a loving relationship is about. Give and take and co operate.