Hey

I've been with my partner for over a month and all we seem to do is spend time in her bedroom cuddling. But I want more.

I want to tell her she isn't satisfying my needs as a man and that I need relief otherwise I really get stressed!

In fact, I noticed when she has (on the odd occasion) given me relief that straight after I felt much more comfortable and actually started talking to her loads and wanted to do more for her!

I don't know how to approach the issue delicately without her thinking I'm a sex freak and just like every other guy.

Oh and by the way... she doesn't seem bothered about me giving her relief. In fact whenever I try she usually just lays there like a limp dead dog until I ask if I should stop and she says she has a headache or stomach ache or something :S
... But once she has said it felt absolutely amazing and told me I was doing everything right and it felt like she just needed to "explode" but couldn't. Says she thinks she's never had an orgasm.

Am I just useless in the bedroom? I know she's had abit of experience but doesn't look like it because she doesn't "use" it!

Don't force the girl into doing stuff until she wants to. If she feels pressured into doing something, she's definitely not going to enjoy it. You can talk to her about the situation, tell her how you feel without coming across as a horny sex freak lol, but listen to what she has to say about it. You're just going to have to wait until she wants to get more intimate or move on to someone else. If you decide to stay with her, in order to get "relief", that's just something your going to have to resolve on your own lol.
Good luck! =P

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Originally Posted by mwilliams15

Don't force the girl into doing stuff until she wants to. If she feels pressured into doing something, shes definitely not going to enjoy it. You can talk to her about the situation, tell her how you feel without coming across as a horny sex freak lol, but listen to what she has to say about it. You're just going to have to wait until she wants to get more intimate or move on to someone else. If you decide to stay with her, in order to get "relief", thats just something your going to have to resolve on your own lol.
Good luck! =P

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No I'm definitely not staying with her just so she can give me relief... but for me I do need a healthy sex life in my relationships.

I haven't forced her to do anything in the bedroom at all! That's the point I don't force her to do anything... I want her to tell me when she's ready but I don't think she ever would since she's pretty shy and we have never really talked about anything sexually, and she kind of gets shy if I bring anything like that up.

The other day we sat on her bed playing hangman and squares. I love hangman and squares... but not so much when I've been ready to explode in my boxers all damn day long! ;)

Haha.. well.. the more you talk about it, the less shy she'll become. Just continue doing what your doing (being open with her) and maybe she'll come around to wanting to do more. Other than that I don't know what to tell you.. As long as you aren't rushing her and you're telling her how you feel about it, you're doing the right thing... so just hang in there lol.

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Originally Posted by mwilliams15

haha.. well.. the more you talk about it, the less shy she'll become. Just continue doing what your doing (being open with her) and maybe she'll come around to wanting to do more. Other than that I don't know what to tell ya.. As long as you aren't rushing her and you're telling her how you feel about it, you're doing the right thing... so just hang in there lol.

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Well another thing is that I don't want her to get too "comfortable" with just hugging on the bed and nothing more. Also, I don't want her to think I'm boring in the bedroom because to her it must appear like that's all I want to do... but I don't see how she could think that really because its mostly me that goes to kiss her, and do other things...

Excuse me? ONE MONTH, and you're expecting sex? You ARE a horn dog like every other guy!

How old are you, anyway?

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Excuse me? ONE MONTH, and you're expecting sex? You ARE a horn dog like every other guy!

How old are you, anyway?

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Well... It's not actual sex that I want... but anything that will give relief. In fact, with my ex we didn't have sex for about a year because I respected that she didn't want to, but we still did other things and I was content with that!

Oh and guess I am a horny dog... I am 20 after all! ;D

Geesh... Tough crowd. I get frustrated not having sex in the first 2 dates. Anyway you need to continue to communicate with her and find out where she stands, and be sure to find out what makes you both sexually compatible. It's not forcing anything if you only want to communicate your desires to her and see what she wants from you. A month is a long time when you are 20.

Rule number 1) Never take advise from women when it comes to relationships. It seems like she has conditioned you like Pavlov (You know, the scientist who trained dogs to salivate on command). She has become keen to the way you act. You are too predictable in other words. Hellooooo... women love the unknown, mystery, and a challenge. She holding back on you because she knows that she can get the most out of you when you get some, and I bet the longer she waits the more intense your reaction toward her is when you do get some, right? Here's what you should do. While in bed with her don't give her any signs that you want anything. Be cool, relaxed, and content that you are just there laying in bed. Don't act like the horny dogs that the women who have responded to your post have called you. Act like what she is doing does not affect you. Come on buddy, she's a grown women and I'm sure she knows that what she's doing is wrong. She's doing it because you are allowing it to happen. When you do get some, don't be super nice and talkative. Women hate wussy men. Don't talk her and don't change who you are for her. You need to keep her off balance. If I was in your shoes, the next time I got some I would make up some story about having to be somewhere or having to do something. Just make sure you don't tell her this before you get any. The reason: She's expecting you to be her bit*h after sex. Flip it on her. Either tell her she has to leave or you leave. If you guys live together than you leave and if she calls you wondering where you're at, don't pick up the call. Wait one or two hours then return the call but make sure you are vague about your answer (remember... mystery). I know this sounds like a game but you also have to keep in mind that women love games. It's the same reason why women love drama. Drama is a game to them and games bring excitement which is something that seems to be missing from your bedroom. Last but not least... you're the man. You need to run sh*t. Women love a man that can lead and right now she is leading your a*s anywhere she wants.

Just one more thing: You have all the right to be a horn dog. Just make sure you protect yourself and do it right. Your 20 so don't let some women whose sex drive peak when they are 40 get to you. I'm 23 and yes, I am a horn dog... hahahaha

That's HORRIBLE advice!

Look... if she doesn't want to do anything sexual after ONLY a month--that's her prerogative. You have a hand, right? Frankly, it's YOUR problem, not hers.

Kissing and cuddling is about where you should be at after a month together.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to do anything just for you, either. It doesn't sound like you're making it about HER, really. Have you offered to get HER off, with nothing in it for yourself? That's what you're asking her for, after all.

If you want a serious relationship with this girl, believe me, making sure the cuddling and the talking are there BEFORE the sex is really important.

Sorry any woman with any shred of self esteem, self respect or self love is not going to dive into a sexual relationship with a stranger. After a month you know NOTHING about each other and have barely established a relationship let alone hollowed out an opening for her to give you oral sex. If that's all you want then pay for it instead of trying to use this girl.

We should get this guy and thoughtiwastheman to post these opinions up on the threads where a 13 year old thinks her 20 year old boyfriend just likes her for the conversation!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

That's HORRIBLE advice!

Look...if she doesn't want to do anything sexual after ONLY a month--that's her perogative. You have a hand, right? Frankly, it's YOUR problem, not hers.

Kissing and cuddling is about where you should be at after a month together.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to do anything just for you, either. It doesn't sound like you're making it about HER, really. Have you offered to get HER off, with nothing in it for yourself? That's what you're asking her for, after all.

If you want a serious relationship with this girl, believe me, making sure the cuddling and the talking are there BEFORE the sex is really important.

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I'm not sure why you are so hostile about this? You have completely misunderstood almost the whole situation and are escalating this into making it look like I'm a heartless bully who doesn't care about her feelings. Your pointing all the fingers at me.

And yes I have tried to get her off. She said I was doing everything right and it felt like she needed to explode. But most of the time when I try she says she has a stomach ache of headache which is fine, but seems she has a headache pretty much all the time.

I would NEVER force her into anything... that's just not who I am. :)

But its very frustrating when she's just rubbing around your crotch, over your jeans, and doesn't go the full way because says she doesn't want the mess. Imagine almost wanting to explode then just being left... It's extremely frustating and leaves me feeling stressed.

Can no man relate to this? I know its hard for girls to understand what its like to have around 20 times greater testosterone levels ;)

Oh brother

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Originally Posted by aaii

And yes I have tried to get her off. She said I was doing everything right and it felt like she needed to explode. But most of the time when I try she says she has a stomach ache of headache which is fine, but seems she has a headache pretty much all the time.

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Her lack of response is telling you that she doesn't really want a sexual relationship with you, at least not yet. If you can't wait a month, you're in too much of a hurry. Being a lusty 20-year old guy is hard (no pun intended).

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Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

Her lack of response is telling you that she doesn't really want a sexual relationship with you, at least not yet. If you can't wait a month, you're in too much of a hurry. Being a lusty 20-year old guy is hard (no pun intended).

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Haha yeah it is! I think a lot of people, particularly girls, have really misunderstood me in this thread, so allow me to clarify myself.

I am in no way forcing her to do anything. If you look at the subject name its how to tell her I want sex... not forcing anything! I want to communicate with her that I would like to have a sexual relationship, but do it in a way that makes her not think all I want her for is sex, because that just simply isn't true. I love her for who she is and if she says to me she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now I would 100% respect that.

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Originally Posted by aaii

If you look at the subject name its how to tell her I want sex... not forcing anything! I want to communicate with her that I would like to have a sexual relationship, but do it in a way that makes her not think all I want her for is sex, because that just simply isn't true. I love her for who she is and if she says to me she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now I would 100% respect that.

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I'm sure she already knows that you want sex, so how to tell her that isn't really the issue. Your real question is how to make HER want sex. Well, you can't, and she's already told you, by her lack of sexual response, that "she doesn't want anything too involved (sexually) right now". So you can start to "100% respect that" immediately, without telling her anything about what you want.

Here is the truth. If you don't know how to ask for what you want then you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this woman.

Also PLEASE read the forum rules on assigning agrees and disagrees.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You should read the rules before blindly assigning negative feedback to people just because YOU don't like what people have to say.

EDIT

Also I said that if all you want is oral sex then PAY FOR IT meaning hire a hooker NOT ask your girlfriend for money. Read the answers FIRST then respond. If you have something else to add then create a new answer NOT assign disagrees.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Here is the truth. If you don't know how to ask for what you want then you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with this woman.

Also PLEASE read the forum rules on assigning agrees and disagrees.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You should read the rules before blindly assigning negative feedback to people just because YOU don't like what people have to say.

EDIT

Also I said that if all you want is oral sex then PAY FOR IT meaning hire a hooker NOT ask your girlfriend for money. Read the answers FIRST then respond. If you have something else to add then create a new answer NOT assign disagrees.

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Thanks for pointing this to my attention but I think your original post didn't help in the slightest, so I'm not going to agree with it, right?

Telling me to go pay a hooker for sex isn't constructive advice.

Actually considering that you were asking how to get this girl to give you oral sex and she was unresponsive I was jokingly suggesting that as a means to an ends. Its not my fault if you read everything literally.

And again NO that is NOT how agree/disagree works. Again its not my fault if you don't understand sarcasm.

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Actually considering that you were asking how to get this girl to give you oral sex and she was unresponsive I was jokingly suggesting that as a means to an ends. Its not my fault if you read everything literally.

And again NO that is NOT how agree/disagree works. Again its not my fault if you don't understand sarcasm.

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I'm not being sarcastic about this topic because our relationship means a lot to me. I started this thread for constructive advice about the best way to communicate with her my feelings about the sexual side of our relationship, and not sarcastic answers. But thanks anyway :)

What's interesting to me is that I think this is a case of "Men are from Mars, and Women are From Venus".

Glinda and I were essentially trying to tell you the same thing Ordinaryguy was. We just said it--well, like women.

I'm glad you understand now that what we really wanted was for you to respect the responses your girl was giving you, and not push it.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

What's interesting to me is that I think this is a case of "Men are from Mars, and Women are From Venus".

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Yes, exactly this is the case. Notice how different the girls have responded to this thread. Mostly hostile remarks from girls, I think?

And this is exactly the problem and my point... how to communicate with her without being on a different planet.

But I can now see a language that we both understand; body language and that tells me she isn't ready, so in no way will I force her.

I just hope that its not something I'm doing wrong in the bedroom which is putting her off. I guess that's what I want to know now, or if it is simply she's just not ready.

The headache excuse, the stomachache excuse... those are telling you she's not ready, and she doesn't want you to push it, without possibly pushing you away by saying "No".

She's afraid you'll leave if she says no, you know.

And I'm sorry if my comments came off as hostile---you came off as a 20 yr old guy who says he respects his girl, and then turns around and gets upset when the sex isn't there--it IS a miscommunication that happens between the sexes so often.

Read her body language--I bet it says she wants you, but not yet.

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Originally Posted by aaii

Hey

I've been with my partner for over a month and all we seem to do is spend time in her bedroom cuddling. But I want more.

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Ok so month isnt that long a time but you know what she might be feeling the same

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Originally Posted by aaii

I want to tell her she isn't satisfying my needs as a man and that I need relief otherwise I really get stressed!!

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hell hunny we all need relief nothing wrong with doing it yourself is there ever think that she might actually not find you sexy??

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Originally Posted by aaii

In fact, I noticed when she has (on the odd occasion) given me relief that straight after I felt much more comfortable and actually started talking to her loads and wanted to do more for her!

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See if she is just laying there like a log she obviously isnt getting anything from you ever thought about changing your technique??

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Originally Posted by aaii

I don't know how to approach the issue delicately without her thinking I'm a sex freak and just like every other guy.

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Ha all men think with there nobs its a well known fact some have just learnt to approacj the subject with a little more tact and that hunn just comes with age you two need to talk

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Originally Posted by aaii

Oh and by the way... she doesn't seem bothered about me giving her relief. In fact whenever I try she usually just lays there like a limp dead dog until I ask if I should stop and she says she has a headache or stomache ache or something :S
... But once she has said it felt absolutely amazing and told me I was doing everything right and it felt like she just needed to "explode" but couldn't. Says she thinks shes never had an orgasm.

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Did you do something different that time???

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Originally Posted by aaii

Am I just useless in the bedroom? I know shes had abit of experience but doesn't look like it cos she doesn't "use" it!

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Maybe you are maybe you arent but its give and take remember its not just about you and your relief its about giving her something after all practice makes perfect ask her what she likes etc talk for heavens sake. Discuss your feelings ask her about hers its all about descovery and remember if you get that desperate and she really isnt that interested go take a long shower ;)

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Originally Posted by Synnen

And i'm sorry if my comments came off as hostile---you came off as a 20 yr old guy who says he respects his girl, and then turns around and gets upset when the sex isn't there--it IS a miscommunication that happens between the sexes so often.

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That's OK I can understand entirely why you would think that. I do come across as being a horny 20 year old.

I honestly love her for who she is... and I RARELY ever love a girl or regard someone as special as she is.

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Ok so month isnt that long a time but you know what she might be feeling the same

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Possibly... I said in a comment that I do hope she's not thinking the same and just thinks I'm boring in the bedroom because I don't seem to want to do much!

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

hell hunny we all need relief nothing wrong with doing it yourself is there ever think that she might actually not find you sexy??

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No she told me she finds me sexy and she was VERY turned on in the first week that we met. I think its not a physical thing that's the problem, maybe she's holding back because of something emotional?

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

See if she is just laying there like a log she obviously isnt getting anything from you ever thought about changing your technique??

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Well she lays there and I don't think I do anything differently than that time when she was very turned on. I try and pleasure her by kissing her seductively in different places I know she likes, take my time in everything I do, teasing, but mostly she doesn't seem like she's ever in the mood...

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Ha all men think with there nobs its a well known fact some have just learnt to approacj the subject with a little more tact and that hunn just comes with age you two need to talk

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Yeah that's exactly the reason for this post. Want to know the most sensitive way to approach this :)

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Did you do something different that time???

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Well. I did say to her that if she cracks her knuckles once more I would rip her clothes off. And I did. She said she found that really sexy. I don't think that would work now--its been done.

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Maybe you are maybe you arent but its give and take remember its not just about you and your relief its about giving her something after all practice makes perfect ask her what she likes etc talk for heavens sake. Discuss your feelings ask her about hers its all about descovery and remember if you get that desperate and she really isnt that interested go take a long shower ;)

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Yeah I WANT to give her relief I love knowing I'm pleasing her but she never tells me! Whenever I ask she normally replies with something that tells me she isn't in the mood and wants me to stop... which seems like most of the time!

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Originally Posted by aaii

Possibly... I said in a comment that I do hope shes not thinking the same and just thinks I'm boring in the bedroom cos I don't seem to want to do much!

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You need to get thinking gary and find out what she likes and dislikes most girls wont give it up that easily

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Originally Posted by aaii

No she told me she finds me sexy and she was VERY turned on in the first week that we met. I think its not a physical thing thats the problem, maybe shes holding back because of something emotional?

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Maybe she is just bored of you doing the same thing come on get with the programme variate hunny

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Originally Posted by aaii

Well she lays there and I don't think I do anything differently than that time when she was very turned on. I try and pleasure her by kissing her seductively in different places I know she likes, take my time in everything I do, teasing, but mostly she doesn't seem like shes ever in the mood...

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practise makes perfect you need to stay aware and not get to wrapped up in what your doing

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Originally Posted by aaii

Yeah thats exactly the reason for this post. Want to know the most sensitive way to approach this :)

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Only you can judge that one hunn she is your girl go for a walk in the park somewhere public but not to public where she isnt gonna feel presurised

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Originally Posted by aaii

Well. I did say to her that if she cracks her knuckles once more I would rip her clothes off. And I did. She said she found that really sexy. I don't think that would work now--its been done.

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Not exactly romantic that is it lol all girls like a bit of tlc you just have to disipher weather she wants the romance or the raunch

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Originally Posted by aaii

Yeah I WANT to give her relief I love knowing I'm pleasing her but she never tells me! Whenever I ask she normally replies back with something that tells me she isnt in the mood and wants me to stop... which seems like most of the time!

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well your either not doing it right, she really isnt in the mood or just doesnt want it you know i have to ask how often are you jumping on the poor girl lol we arent sex machines you know ;)

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

You need to get thinking gary and find out what she likes and dislikes most girls wont give it up that easily

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Just one question... how did you know my name is gary?

Hmm well maybe she is getting bored but ironically she's boring me by just laying there... and whenever I even attempt to do anything sexual she normally doesn't seem interested. She just loves to hold me on the bed and give me quick cute pecks sometimes. I just think its not on her mind as much as it is for me.

I think with her you really have to find the perfect moment, which depends on lots of things; time of day, the day, her mood (stressful, tired, bored, moody, hungry, etc), how I approach it, what we were talking about, loads more.

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Originally Posted by aaii

Just one question... how did you know my name is gary?!

Hmm well maybe she is getting bored but ironically shes boring me by just laying there... and whenever I even attempt to do anything sexual she normally doesn't seem interested. She just loves to hold me on the bed and give me quick cute pecks sometimes. I just think its not on her mind as much as it is for me.

I think with her you really have to find the perfect moment, which depends on lots of things; time of day, the day, her mood (stressful, tired, bored, moody, hungry, etc), how I approach it, what we were talking about, loads more.

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LOL id say that was a dam good guess wasn't it, had to make sure you were paying attention ;)

You know what your not going to like what I'm thinking but I'm asking myself if you two are compatible you obviously want a reletionship to be on higher levels and she sure as hell isn't on that same wave if you catch my drift.
You so need to talk to each other hunn and work this out between you there's no easy way to approach it just do it and get it over with before you go crackers.
Remember we all have needs just on different levels good luck to you.

Good guess my arse! Seriously how do you know... freaking me out! Do I know you? ;)

No I completely disagree when you say we aren't "compatible" - It's never felt so right with anyone else before I know we can make things work but she has abit of a problem with communication and telling me what she wants. I think it's a trust issue... I mean thinking about it she doesn't even like me looking "down there"... doesn't mind me touching but goes all shy if I look.

I thought my email was private ;)

Nothings private anywhere unless you pay for it to be so but that's another story.

Do you love the girl? Can you honestly say with hand on heart you respect her? And I'm not being nasty asking that but we all do things for different reasons, you seriously have to take the plunge and talk things through I can't tell you how to do that wish I could but you will know how and when in the mean time your just going to have to be as understanding as you can if you want it to last its time to look at the wider picture, yeah sex is great but there are loads of other ways to relieve yourself without any kind of contact you just have to work out what's right for you trial and error gawd even after 30 years there are time now I think hell I don't know what I want and if I don't know how can I expect anyone else to know too.

Ah so you got my name from my email o dear ;)

Yes I do love this girl. I've known her for over 5 years and we have always been there for each other. And although I'm making this out to be a big issue its definitely NOT something I would want to lose her over... she's too special. Its just an issue I want to raise with her in a nice and caring way... But I don't think I would do it just yet and see what happens over the next month or so :)

Take things slow and enjoy each other blimey you never know what tomorrow brings time to talk and enjoy each other hold her and make her feel like she is the world to you keep her safe and keep her warm the fireworks will boom and spark when the times right.

Life is short enough without letting trivial things bother you learn from others reactions here it could help you grow in more ways that one.

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Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Take things slow and enjoy eachother blimey you never know what tommorow brings time to talk and enjoy eachother hold her and make her feel like she is the world to you keep her safe and keep her warm the fireworks will boom and spark when the times right.

Life is short enough without letting trivial things bother you learn from others reactions here it could help you grow in more ways that one.

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Yeah we have been taking things slow but its just kind of annoying how it feels like we have had a "set back" because we were abit more intimate when we first met... and I don't see why that passion has died down so quickly. I don't think it's a physical thing I think she's holding back emotionally, personally... In which case I do need her to talk to me and understand why.

Thanks for all your help. :)

You'd be surprised how many guys share your dilemma! There are plenty of ways to solve your situation though. Check out themenschamber.com it's a mens website all my guy friends go to and its loaded with information for men covering just about everything.

Your girl sounds like she's being a star fish! This is the term used for women who just lay there limp and don't put in enough effort or enthusiasm while having sex! There's so many people out there who just settle for a mediocre sex life and I don't recommend this because in the long run it has a detrimental impact on your emotional, mental and physical health not to mention the strain it puts on your relationship

Good Luck

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Originally Posted by LeanneDucan

Your girl sounds like she's being a star fish! this is the term used for women who just lay there limp and don't put in enough effort or enthusiasm while having sex!

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Haha yeah that sounds like a perfect term!

I think its an emotional issue with care, trust and respect. I think if I allow her to trust me and prove to her that I care about her and respect her needs -- which I always try to do -- she may open up to me more (no pun intended!)

Trust and respect are earned in time. Care can be shown all the time... and I always show my love for her :)

Take care

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Originally Posted by aaii

I'm not sure why you are so hostile about this? You have completely misunderstood almost the whole situation and are escalating this into making it look like I'm a heartless bully who doesn't care about her feelings. Your pointing all the fingers at me.

And yes I have tried to get her off. She said I was doing everything right and it felt like she needed to explode. But most of the time when I try she says she has a stomach ache of headache which is fine, but seems she has a headache pretty much all the time.

I would NEVER force her into anything... thats just not who I am. :)

But its very frustrating when shes just rubbing around your crotch, over your jeans, and doesn't go the full way cos says she doesn't want the mess. Imagine almost wanting to explode then just being left... It's extremely frustating and leaves me feeling stressed.

Can no man relate to this? I know its hard for girls to understand what its like to have around 20 times greater testosterone levels ;)

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Have you simply tried just talking reasonably to her about her "teasing" you with the whole crotch rubbing thing?

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Originally Posted by terminator05

Have you simply tried just talking reasonably to her about her "teasing" you with the whole crotch rubbing thing?

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I have said to her your teasing me. I actually can't even remember what he response to that was, but I know she didn't really say much to it.