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-   -   My sons girlfriends parents want her to give baby up for adoption (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=152418)

  • Nov 15, 2007, 11:58 AM
    Angela_williams
    My sons girlfriends parents want her to give baby up for adoption
    My son is 17 years old. His girlfriend is 15. Her parents want her to give the baby up for adoption when it is born. We want to raise the baby. Can anyone tell us what our his legal rights are? Her parents will not return our phone calls and she is 4 months pregnant and they haven't taken her to a doctor yet. Please we need to know our rights. We live in Texas If anyone knows the laws please help. Thanks Angela
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:24 PM
    450donn
    Basically you have no legal rights. The girl is the only one with rights. You can thank the Liberals for that one.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:35 PM
    ScottGem
    Whoops meant to disagree. You certainly do have rights. But before you can exercise them paternity has to be established. And that usually cannot be done until after the baby is born.

    They will NOT be able to give the baby up for adoption without the father's consent. But you need to forestall any attempts to do so. So you NEED an attorney. You need the attorney to file a restraining order against the girl's parents to prevent them from giving the baby away. You need to file an order with the hospital so a paternity test can be performed when the baby is born. You may need to file other court orders to obtain custody of the child as soon as its born. You will need an attorney for all that so your first step is to consult and engage one.

    Now your son may be in a very ticklish situation here. You don't say what state you are in, but since the age of consent is 16 in most areas, your son is very likely guilty of statutory rape. If the district attorney's office learns of this, they could decide to prosecute whether the girl's parents press charges or not. So again you NEED the advice of an attorney ASAP. Most attornies will offer a free consultation so you can shop around.

    One last point. The girl COULD have an abortion. If she does, that would generally be her decision alone. If she decides to abort then your son would probably not be allowed any say in the matter.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:35 PM
    Angela_williams
    Comment on 450donn's post
    Did really tell me nothing
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:37 PM
    Angela_williams
    Comment on ScottGem's post
    Thank You This helped a lot And were in Texas
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:41 PM
    J_9
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ScottGem
    The girl COULD have an abortion. If she does, that would generally be her decision alone. If she decides to abort then your son would probably not be allowed any say in the matter.

    Sorry Scott, she is in her second trimester, most states will not allow an abortion after the first trimester. She is currently 4 months along and that constitutes second trimester.

    You are correct on every other count though.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:45 PM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by J_9
    Sorry Scott, she is in her second trimester, most states will not allow an abortion after the first trimester. She is currently 4 months along and that constitutes second trimester.

    Ya know, after I hit Submit, I remembered that she was 4 months along and that might preclude an abortion. But I think it was still valuable to add that in my response. Maybe it isn't applicable for this OP, but someone else might be in similar circumstances and be earlier along. The point is that once the baby is born, the father does have rights that can be exercised. Even before the baby is born, there are things that can be done. But the father would have very limited, if any, rights to prevent a legal abortion.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:46 PM
    J_9
    Yeah, in most states it does unless there is a medical necessity.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 12:59 PM
    ScottGem
    Comments on this postAngela_williams : Thank You This helped a lot And were in Texas

    Ok, your son may be in luck on one count. Though 17 is the age of consent in Texas, an allowable defense against the charge of statutory rape would be if there was less than three years difference in age AND the sex was consensual.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 01:03 PM
    J_9
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by ScottGem
    But the father would have very limited, if any, rights to prevent a legal abortion.

    You are absolutely right. While the father of the baby has to sign for adoption he does not have to be notified of an abortion.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 01:05 PM
    Angela_williams
    Comment on J_9's post
    Thank You very good advise It helps.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 05:42 PM
    yrotseus
    One poster said

    Couple suggestions:

    1) Make her have an abortion
    2) Talk with her. Don’t order her to give up the child, convince her, but don’t ORDER her. She is going to give birth, treat her with some respect. That is, treat her as an adult, not a child. Find a couple and introduce them to her. Let her get to know them, help her to change her mind up adoption. Let this couple give her some sob story about how they can’t have children for whatever reason, and they would take good care of the child, etc.



    I happen to be one of the "couple give her some sob story about how they can’t have children for whatever reason, and they would take good care of the child, etc."

    You make apdoptive parents sound like monsters. I have 2 children that are adopted and they have a great life and I never think that they would mean more to me if they were born from my body. We love them very much.

    Should this young lady be forced to give up her baby? NO. If she knows it is right for her to give the child up then she should. I respect her which ever way she goes and YES her parents should be there to support her.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 06:06 PM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by yrotseus
    One poster said

    Couple suggestions:

    1) Make her have an abortion
    2) Talk with her. Don’t order her to give up the child, convince her, but don’t ORDER her.

    Did you get your threads mixed up? No one posted anything of the sort.
  • Nov 15, 2007, 07:03 PM
    Angela_williams
    Comment on yrotseus's post
    Not even the subject at hand. You should read before you give advise...
  • Nov 15, 2007, 07:06 PM
    Angela_williams
    Thank you all for helping. I just got word that her parents have picked an adoption agency to go through. I guess my next step is to find a lawyer. We want the baby but they seem un willing to do that. I guess they don't want her to have the nor us. I thank you all. Angela
  • Nov 15, 2007, 08:15 PM
    ScottGem
    Did they actually consult with the agency? I doubt if they did. When they do the agency is going to tell them they can't do anything without the father's consent. But yes, you need an attorney.
  • Nov 16, 2007, 06:01 AM
    ScottGem
    Please keep us posted on the outcome of this. And good luck.

    P.S. Please keep the correspondence in the thread.
  • Nov 16, 2007, 06:10 PM
    Angela_williams
    I guess they have talked to an agency but weather they told them about my son Im not sure. She has insurance and they say they can't afford it. Even though wew agreed at first to split the payments. I thought as long as you had insurance before you got pregnant it would cover the pregnancy. But they say no. I think they just want to give up the baby but not to us. Angela
  • Nov 19, 2007, 05:57 PM
    HELPe-dawg
    This may help: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwi....processSearch
  • Nov 20, 2007, 09:08 AM
    Angela_williams
    Thank You very helpful!!
  • Dec 29, 2007, 10:23 AM
    Michelle Miller
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Angela_williams
    My son is 17 years old. His girlfriend is 15. her parents want her to give the baby up for adoption when it is born. We want to raise the baby. Can anyone tell us what our his legal rights are? Her parents will not return our phone calls and she is 4 months pregnant and they havent taken her to a doctor yet. Please we need to know our rights. We live in Texas If anyone knows the laws please help. Thanks Angela


    She can't give the baby up for adoption your son doesn't want her too. You need to get a lawyer and let them know that you want to keep the baby. It would be good if you could find out if she has a lawyer or if she is going through an agency. You really need to know when she goes into labor. If she signs over her parental rights. As long as you haven't signed anything you should be able to go to the hospital and say you don't want to put the baby up for adoption and that you would like to have custody. I would think that you should be able to take the baby home. I don't know there is a lot of legal stuff to it. You really need to have an adoption lawyer to make sure everything is done right. If you don't do everything right he could lose the child forever. I know that he can get the child but, you need an expert to make sure you do everything right by the law.

    Michelle
  • Dec 29, 2007, 10:52 AM
    N0help4u
    You are right they can claim she has no idea who the father is then it can be easier to over look the father having to sign away the baby. So that is an important reason why you need to get a lawyer asap. I agree with Michelle you need to do everything right and asap, before they get a chance to convince the adoption agency there is no father to come forward.
    Fortunate for you her parents didn't push for abortion.
  • Dec 29, 2007, 10:58 AM
    s_cianci
    You and your son can contest the adoption and petition the court for custody.
  • Dec 29, 2007, 11:55 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    For the sake of saving some trouble, you get an attorney who informs them that they can not give the baby up for adoptoin without the sons permission, Next of course the day the baby is born, your son ( which it is his rights not yours) has to have your attorney file for custody of the baby and to prove he is the father though DNA testing.
  • Dec 29, 2007, 07:41 PM
    Dana2007
    I totally agree that steps need to be taken immediately by consulting an attorney. Too much fishy stuff goes around with people manipulating the system illegally in order to get what they want. Attorneys also can file false claims in order to get the baby placed for adoption without the father's interference.

    If it is possible, show up at the hospital and sign the birth certificate. If you are willing to take the chance that the baby is indeed your son's. You can always request a DNA after the fact , but immediately after the baby is born
  • Dec 31, 2007, 06:47 PM
    Dana2007
    I suddenly remembered that Dr. Phil had a show on how men get stiffed for child support although the child isn't theirs.

    It is a law in some states that can hold the male who signed the birth certificate responsible for child support although later it is discovered that someone else is the actual biological father.

    It might be necessary to first have a DNA test done before further steps are taken.


    I have also read that in some states, the husband is held legally responsible for supporting a child born out of his wife's affair.

    Make sure to find out what the laws are in your state.
  • Jan 1, 2008, 07:42 AM
    ScottGem
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Dana2007
    It is a law in some states that can hold the male who signed the birth certificate responsible for child support although later it is discovered that someone else is the actual biological father.

    I have also read that in some states, the husband is held legally responsible for supporting a child born out of his wife's affair.

    Just to clarify these. If someone voluntarily signs the because as the father, then he would be the legal father (with all rights and responsibilites) unless the true bio father comes forward and challenges the because within the legally proscribed time frame.

    This is true similarly of a child born to a married woman. If the husband signs the because, even if unaware that the child was not his, the husband is the legal father. Again this can be challenged, but only within a certain time frame.
  • Jan 1, 2008, 07:52 AM
    Dana2007
    Thanks, Scottgem, for clarifying that. That was really well put.


    There are people out there that are attempting to change the laws in their states as husbands and men don't like to be held responsible for someone else's sperm. They don't like the wives and women intentionally deceiving them.

    Dr. Phil thought that the husband/man should have the right to take it to court a year from the time he finds out that his wife/woman got pregnant by another man. But this is not the currently the case in some states.

    Some people think putting a time frame on this is not right.

    Know that the laws aren't always fair and that we don't always know who got pregnant by whom.

    Maybe someday it will be routine to do DNA testing prior to anyone signing a because.

    Always best to find out the current laws in your state
  • Jan 1, 2008, 04:02 PM
    brown_eyes_3546
    My mom and dad went through that. She was 12 he was 13.
    My mom signed the adoption papers and refused to put my dad on the birth cirtificate because she didn't want him to have a say so. My dad hired a lawyer as soon as he found out that she was putting me up for adoption and got a court order for paternity. Once that is done he had the right to put a stop to the abortion immediately. I spent about 3 weeks in the hospital while the court battle was going on and my mom decided that she didn't want him to have me that if I was to be kept she would keep me.

    Your son does have rights! Hire a lawyer. Tell dss that the girl is four months and hasn't been to a dr they can make her go. It is putting the baby in danger to not go. Abortions are out of the question now she is too far along.

    You need a lawyer as soon as possible though because the laws are very strict and a paternity test must be done at birth or before <although that is dangerous to the baby>. Your lawyer can also tell you all the options that aer in your particular state.

    I really feel for you it is a difficult situation to be in but fight for your grandchild this mother is obviously not thinking of the baby's best interest if she hasn't been to a dr.

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