Ask Me Help Desk - It's been almost a year, can I get my baby back?

Im going threw the same thing you are so don't listen to what all these ither people re telling you there not going threw it so they shouldn't even give there advice !
I gave my baby up for adoption because I was young and my boyfriends mom kept telling us it would be best , so I decided finally OK ill do it we picked out parents we found one we thought we liked . We talked after all my ob appointments then the baby came and I didn't want to give him up but I felt bad to give them hope then take it away.
This was an open adoption I wanted pictures to see him and talk to him . So we only picked a family that would be OK with our needs then after they took him home about a month later we asked for pictures it took them 2 weeks to send 3 pictures in a EMAIL ! I was very dissapointed she is a stay at home mom that said she likes scrapbooking so you would think I would get more and it wouldn't take so long . Now he's almost 4 months old we asked for more pictures its been three weeks we keep calling the adoption agency they said they talk to her but yet she still hasn't sent any!
First off I miss him and want him back ! And now there not doing what is in the paperwork that they have to do ! I don't think there fit to raise my kid they don't do what they told the courts they would I don't trust them at all anymore they stopped calling after the baby was born and they took him home ! Kind of scary .I don't know what's going on the live in another state and I only agreed to do this knowing how my child is doing
So I will do anything and everything to get him back , and to the people that think that's not right I don't want to hear your input . If you went threw this and actually love your child you would agree with me on this!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashley624

Im going threw the same thing you are so dont listen to what all these ither people re telling you there not going threw it so they shouldnt even give there advice !
I gave my baby up for adoption because i was young and my boyfriends mom kept telling us it would be best , so i decided finally ok ill do it we picked out parents we found one we thought we liked . We talked after all my ob appointments then the baby came and i didnt want to give him up but i felt bad to give them hope then take it away.
this was an open adoption i wanted pictures to see him and talk to him . so we only picked a family that would be ok with our needs then after they took him home about a month later we asked for pictures it took them 2 weeks to send 3 pictures in a EMAIL ! i was very dissapointed she is a stay at home mom that said she likes scrapbooking so you would think i would get more and it wouldnt take so long . now hes almost 4 months old we asked for more pictures its been three weeks we keep calling the adoption agency they said they talk to her but yet she still hasnt sent any!
First off i miss him and want him back ! And now there not doing what is in the paperwork that they have to do ! i dont think there fit to raise my kid they dont do what they told the courts they would i dont trust them at all anymore they stopped calling after the baby was born and they took him home ! kinda scary .i dont know whats going on the live in another state and i only agreed to do this knowing how my child is doing
So i will do anything and everything to get him back , and to the people that think thats not right i dont want to hear your input . If you went threw this and actually love your child you would agree with me on this !!!

You're somewhat hijacking someone else's thread, but I'll respond anyway.

First off, I DID go through it. 17 years ago. I've been through several CYCLES of wishing I hadn't placed her for adoption.

I do, however, know that it was in HER best interests to have her adoptive parents raise her.

What was your agreement with the adoptive parents? Pictures, through the mail, whenever you asked for them? Even if you asked for them daily? How often were phone calls or visits supposed to take place? What EXACTLY did both you and the adoptive parents agree to?

And again--unless you are in CA or MN, there is no LEGAL requirement that they keep in touch with you. This should have been explained to you by your appointed attorney. However, you are not describing coercion to me. You're describing something similar: a guilt trip.

Unless your court hearing was extremely bungled, you KNEW what you were signing away. You were asked SEVERAL times if you understood--or, at least *I* was asked several times. I assume most relinquishment cases go much the same way.

If you think you were coerced, get a lawyer. But the ONLY way a court is going to see someone who goes back on their sworn word in court, someone who was willing to let someone else's feelings (you didn't want to hurt them after getting their hopes up) interfere with raising her child, someone who is petty enough that email pictures are not enough for her, and someone who doesn't seem to understand that when you have an infant, hobbies like scrapbooking are out the window--the only way a court would give a person like that custody BACK is if you can prove you were coerced.

Maybe I'm taking the wrong tone with you, but to tell me that I shouldn't even give advice because "I've never been there" really ticked me off. I spent the first year after my daughter's birth in and out of the hospital with post partum depression and suicide attempts because I missed her so much. I hurt so much I cried myself to sleep every night. And to top all of THAT off, my boyfriend left me the day after we signed the papers to date another girl he'd apparently been cheating on me with, and my parents and rest of my family were absolutely against me choosing adoption, so basically told me that I deserved to be in so much pain and to deal with it.

The ONLY way I worked my way through all of it was with a birthmother support group and a lot of counseling. If there is a BSG in your area, I suggest you join. Many times, older members can give you tips on ways to communicate with your child and adoptive family in a way they don't feel threatened and in a way so they keep communications open---and pictures and visits coming.

One thing I would like to point out is that you are probably pouring your pain right at the adoptive family---and they don't want to hear it. It's like being rich ONLY because someone else died and left you the money. You wouldn't want to hear from that dead person every day for the rest of your life, would you? They KNOW your pain, and frankly don't want to be reminded that they only have joy because you have pain. But they're not qualified to deal with your pain, and so just avoid you because they don't know what to do for you that wouldn't end up with you being a "third parent". You gave up your rights--they are the parents now. You have NO SAY in how your child is raised. You have no "right" to make demands. You only have the PRIVILEGE of getting pictures and letters occasionally to know how your child is doing.

If you think you can fight to get your child back, good luck. But you're going to need a very good, very expensive lawyer to do it.

I completely understand everything you are going through. My story is not exactly the same but I gave my two daughters up for an open adoption 4 years ago. I was not in the right frame of mind, in fact I was a dug user. But I have been clean and sober now for almost 5 years and am trying to get them back. I see them 3 times a year and they have a baby brother that I desperately want them to know. I don't have any advice except don't give up, and if its right for your child then I do hope you get him back. I haven't got anywhere yet in my case, but I hope I do. Good luck to you!!

Wow. That's all I can say because I am going through this right now myself. I have 2yr old twins and I had a Baby on October 27th, 2011. I didn't think that I was ready to raise a third child and my girls godparents told me that they would adopt my newest Baby girl. This was a hard decision for me because I didn't want to do it but they convinced us that the girls would stay together as sisters and we would be able to have visitation with the Baby when we wanted. They also promised us a lot of other things and come to find out were illegal and they knew they were not able to keep. I am trying to get my case opened again since its only been a month and get the tpr reversed so I can get my Baby back. If you or anyone knows of a good lawyer please let me know..

@ illusion can you please contact me please I need your help please <EMAIL REMOVED> thanks

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Originally Posted by Illusion

Because you decided to relinquish your rights - that does not mean that your rights cannot be reinstated. You are the birth Mother. You need to find an Attorney that specializes in adoption. You have sufficient informaton to suggest that at the time the decision was made you were suffering mental anguish because of the death of your husband. You have since recovered, are taking medication for depression (which could be a result of your loss), and can petition the Court to reinstate your rights. A trial or preliminary hearing would decide whether your petition can or could be considered. That you had depression does not deem you an unfit parent. In some cases, it would actually help your case to show that you could not have made the right decision at the time.

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Get a consultation with an Attorney and find out how to go about this. Take care.

Can you contact me I need your help EMAIL REMOVED

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Hi I was wondreing if you actually were able to get our child back? I'm in the same situation that you were in. so I was just wondering?