Why would you feel horrible for that?

You want a relationship with your nephew, that is great!

Why don't you suggest taking in your nephew as a foster child? You would then be receiving monies for extra-curricular activities as he gets older, therapy if needed, medical costs, clothing, etc. Plus, they would give you respite care when needed (I would automatically ask for it every 3 or 4 weeks right from day 1) which can be very helpful, as well as ongoing support for you and your husband. If you ever found things to be too much emotionally, they will help you, and, as a last resort, they could place him elsewhere but still allow you to participate in his life.

I don't feel that you are a horrible person. The fact is, you are very responsible and thinking of all the pros and cons. That is the best way to look at things. If you took him in, then your marriage suffered or you couldn't handle it then you would be doing all three of you a disservice.

Sweetie, you are both so very young. You admit that you are not quite ready for children. You are still in college, neither of you have a career - that is a heavy, heavy load in itself! I understand where you are coming from - I really do! People can judge you for your hesitancy and indecision, but, I guarantee you that those who judge have probably not been in your situation. Don't jump into anything. Why don't you meet with Children's Services and see what all the options are, what supports are offered, etc?

I will say this: Sometimes a parent or parents must make a decision to place their child into foster care or up for adoption. That does not make them a bad person. They do it because they feel it is the best possible thing that they can do for that child. Similarly, if you have doubts, you need to work them all through before making a decision. You may decide that having someone else raise your nephew might just be in his best interests if you are unable to give him all that he requires at this time. If he is placed into foster care with someone else, I am almost positive that they will encourage family interaction and love. Therefore, if you find yourselves more prepared for a child in your lives in a few years, that will be an easier transition.

Please, talk to them openly and honestly and find out what all your options are. They will do whatever they can to help you out and will understand your situation. You can meet with Children's Services in your own area to talk this all over with them. Why don't you connect with the people who now have your nephew and tell them you would like to do that?

I cannot stress enough that you are NOT a horrible person!

Warm hugs,
Didi

Kinship foster care will be the best option for right now than if they terminate her parental rights you can adopt than. This way you will receive funds also the child will get medicaid and you may get food stamps also they would pay for child care. You do need some kind of finance of your own. Also they will run a background check on everyone in your house hold that's 18 or older and they will send some one to your home to drug screen all of you. Type in The adoption and safe family act in your web browser you will get some information.

If you were to adopt him, you'd have to investigate whether you'd be eligible for public assistance, same as any other parent. However, be warned that if your financial situation is such that you'd require public assistance in order to raise a child, the court might not let you adopt him. Also it'd be very hard for you to adopt him if the mother and (unknown?) father aren't willing to relinquish their rights.

Quote:

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they have yet to find the biological father. The baby has already been taken away from her and is in foster care.

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The mother (and the father once he's been identified) should still be paying child support to the present custodial caregivers. Also the fact that you are married makes your chances of qualifying for public assistance slim to none.

Wait, I have heard A LOT of information about this, but does this all apply in her state? I think it is Indiana.