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-   -   Dont know what to do (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=847093)

  • Dec 22, 2019, 09:05 PM
    Alexneedsanwers
    Dont know what to do
    I was adopted. I have a letter from the state that says they did a paternity test on the man on my birth certificate and he was not a match, therefore not my actual father. That letter was from 2003. A few months ago I did an ancestry dna test and matched with the same man's daughter. How is it the same man's daughter is my half sister. I cant prove hes biologically related to me since I matched with his daughter and not him. But I also think the state could have messed something up on the test and I want to know if they did. I tried reaching out to his daughter/ my half sister but she wont reply to my message. What should I do now? I don't have money for a private investigator so I'm lost. Help?
  • Dec 22, 2019, 09:27 PM
    J_9
    You could share the same mother.
  • Dec 22, 2019, 10:02 PM
    Alexneedsanwers
    My half sisters dad is the same man who was on my birth certificate that the state said wasnt my dad. Also I know who my bio mom is and I'm her only child.
  • Dec 23, 2019, 04:58 AM
    talaniman
    No telling what's the real story here, but you do have a few facts and the main one is your half sister wants no part of this, your BC dad isn't your dad, and your mom doesn't know or doesn't want to tell what she knows. I see plenty of brick walls and only your mom can fill you in. Does she insist the BC dad's test must be wrong? I don't know how much time I would spend on all these dead end mysteries but at some point you may have to accept there may never be an answer to your question, or you may be rather old before you find anything out.

    Not trying to be harsh, just being real about your chances here given the really challenging circumstances, and obstacles. You are hardly alone in trying to find the truth of the past though, and running into many time consuming highly emotional roadblocks.
  • Dec 23, 2019, 08:44 AM
    Alexneedsanwers
    I cant ask my BC mom because she isnt really all there anymore because she has done drugs her entire life theres really nothing left of her. But she was the one who put him down on my birth certificate. I want the state to know they messed up the test if they did. I want it to be acknowledged to everyone involved that there was a mess up. I just dont know if I need to get a private investigator (which I cant afford) or maybe a lawyer but I dont have all the facts yet and I cant wait forever especially because my BC dad is already very old.
  • Dec 23, 2019, 08:58 AM
    J_9
    She didn’t “put him down” on the birth certificate. If they weren’t married, he had to agree that he was the father, sign an Affidavit of Paternity, and present his identification.

    What is the rush? Why is it imperative you know?

    Just an FYI, my husband is adopted and so are 2 of his siblings.
  • Dec 23, 2019, 10:46 AM
    talaniman
    Maybe you can ask for a second opinion or a confirmation test, but be prepared to pay for it especially if the results are the same, and what if he still isn't your bio father? You're still in the same boat and no closer to the truth and may NEVER be. I know bio families that don't acknowledge each other as well as blended ones. I just hate to see you spinning your wheels for nothing so unless dad is rich and you want a cut, I think it's healthier to accept what is since you cannot control the outcomes.

    What is the hurry any way, it's not going to change your "dad", or his daughter will it?

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