I have never read a more profound thread, I am so impressed with all of you especially KBC (no wonder you are an expert now, well deserved my friend), FBE (what strength you have), Simon and Joseph ( you are amazing).

But you Clough my friend, you are the one that makes me so proud to call you my friend. You found the strength and willpower to take that first step and that means that you stepped up to the plate to challenge your demons.

My father was an alcoholic he wasted his life. He had so many opportunities but they were second in his life. He never challenged his problem/s even when fear set in, he just gave in and was defeated.

He never had the strength that you and the others here have. I have learned so much from this thread, thank you people and bless you all.

Clough, I know you, I know how talented you are and over the years I have seen your heart... it is a strong heart.

Thank you, I wish I could add more to this thread, I will be following it because I have an investment in my friends.

Stringer (Spelled it right this time... :) )

I will respond later to the more recent posts concerning myself on this thread. All thoughts have been appreciated!

Went to another meeting tonight! It was wonderful!

Later...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

...Still sober, 10 years!.

---

That's quite an accomplishment, congratulations simoneaugie!

One day at a time!

I just want everyone to know, that I haven't abandoned this thread. I've just had to think very hard about what I'm going to write.

Really tough, right now...

It's been two weeks...

Thanks!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Clough

I just want everyone to know, that I haven't abandoned this thread. I've just had to think very hard about what I'm going to write.

Really tough, right now...

It's been two weeks...

Thanks!

---

Clough, I know it's tough. That's what AA is there for, use it like a tool.

It's not about just stopping the intake of alcohol. It's so much more that you have to deal with right now.

I'm praying for you.

I was addicted to drugs, I called myself a cabinet junkie because I would take cold pills, robotussin, etc to get high. I just stopped cold turkey one day and never looked back.

Hi Clough,

I am glad you are getting help.

And to all the others fighting addictions and keeping clean,wishing you courage to get through and stay clean.

I have never been addicted,but having worked with addicts, I have found that you must not depend on another person to keep you clean,happy,satisfied or away from your addiction.

When you start depending on another human, what happens is that human beings fail you and every time that happens, there is every chance you will look for consolation in something familiar, which more than likely will be the same addiction or a new one.

And that there is no way you can do a little and stop of any substance that you have been previously addicted to. Do not fool yourself into thinking this way.

Good luck to all of you...

.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Hi Clough,

I am glad you are getting help.

And to all the others fighting addictions and keeping clean,wishing you courage to get through and stay clean.

I have never been addicted,but having worked with addicts, I have found that you must not depend on another person to keep you clean,happy,satisfied or away from your addiction.

When you start depending on another human, what happens is that human beings fail you and every time that happens, there is every chance you will look for consolation in something familiar, which more than likely will be the same addiction or a new one.

And that there is no way you can do a little and stop of any substance that you have been previously addicted to. Do not fool yourself into thinking this way.

Good luck to all of you...

.

---

Yes, TOTAL ABSTINENCE is the key to a successful recovery.

No more "just a couple".

I live in pain. When I first got clean, I had a hard time even riding past a pharmacy without having cravings for all of the good narcotics that I knew were just behind those walls. God forbid I had to go inside to pick up another prescription.

Now I don't think about it so much. I had a cold one day not too long ago. I had to go to one of those quick stop med. Places. I informed the doctor right away that I was a recovering addict before he gave me some really good syrup.

What reminds me on a daily basis, is that I am free and clear of alcohol and narcotics. I would no longer go back to being with a mean, controlling, hateful woman, that I would take painkillers for my pain.

So I take my Motrin, and just tough it out.

No more beer after work, like I did for many, many (30) years.

My drinking had gotten to be just a substitute for the lack of pills. You see, a 30 day supply does not last an addict 30 days. More like 8.

Beer turned into vodka, and I mean a fifth.

Addiction snowballs into a terrible monster.

I am an alcoholic/addict. And I will be for life.

There is no "cure". Only a solution. And that solution is not by trying to do it on your own, at home. It's just postponing the inevitable. You most likely will relapse if you don't get support, and follow the 12 steps of AA.

We draw strength from the stories we have written. The experiences, and hopes of one another.

I must live my life as if it were a constant battle. But it gets easier with time.

My wife and children are glad to have me back.

I love my life now.

God bless the still suffering alcoholic/addict.

CLOUGH- Craig,just keep saying to yourself ,NO I Don't REALLY NEED IT .Sometimes it helps you to refuse taking the drinkand loseing all that you have gained. Craig,I have knownsome very good pilots, some that could fly better after having a few drinks, some I told that siome day we were going to go and SCRAPE them up off the runway with a scoop shovel , have you ever been flyig in a commercial air liner and had a couple drinks {the little bottles they gave out to who ever wanted one , and then they would get a little under the weather and start acting silly , ONE thing most people don't know[ ONE OUNCE AT SEA KLEVEL IS EQUAL TO THREE OUNCES AT (8000 feet) and the higher you go the drunker you get ,just from the one ounce;; in counstruction work I have knownm some off the best carpenters ,steel workers , electricians , but a lot of them had the problem of drinking on the job,they would bring it in a thermos bottle saying it was coff4ee or tea, have even said milk. And you wouldn't know it till they had drunk it and you smelled it on their breathand then you would have to send them home ,with a pink slip even if you didn't want to do it ,but you knew it had to be for their protection and others on the job, I always had a labor to run them home instead of the thought that they may have a wreak and kill there self or someone else;; I HOPE AND PRAY THAT ALL OF THE ONES THAT HAVE COME FORWARD AND SAID THAT THEY HAD A PROBLEM AND HAVE ASKED ALL TO HELP THEM : THAT IS THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT PART OF Becoming CURED <THE FIRST STEP :: CLOUGH my friend please try real hard to keep doing what you are and remember that WE ALL LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU . AND remember that thereis no such word as {I CAN'T< if you tell yourself that it also helps, there is nothing impossible;have a great day and a better tomorrow and keep up the good work,wereall proud of you ; your friend F.B.E.

:eek::eek:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flying Blue Eagle

CLOUGH- Craig,just keep saying to yourself ,NO I DONT REALLY NEED IT .Sometimes it helps you to refuse taking the drinkand loseing all that you have gained. Craig,I have knownsome very good pilots, some that could fly better after haveing a few drinks, some i told that siome day we were going to go and SCRAPE them up off the runway with a scoop shovel , have you ever been flyig in a commercial air liner and had a couple drinks {the little bottles they gave out to who ever wanted one , and then they would get a little under the weather and start acting silly , ONE thing most people dont know[ ONE OUNCE AT SEA KLEVEL IS EQUAL TO THREE OUNCES AT (8000 feet) and the higher you go the drunker you get ,just from the one ounce;; in counstruction work I have knownm some off the best carpenters ,steel workers , electricians , but a lot of them had the problem of drinking on the job,they would bring it in a thermos bottle saying it was coff4ee or tea, have even said milk. and you wouldnt know it till they had drunk it and you smelled it on their breathand then you would have to send them home ,with a pink slip even if you didnt want to do it ,but you knew it had to be for their protection and others on the job, I always had a labor to run them home instead of the thought that they may have a wreak and kill there self or someone else;; I HOPE AND PRAY THAT ALL OF THE ONES THAT HAVE COME FORWARD AND SAID THAT THEY HAD A PROBLEM AND HAVE ASKED ALL TO HELP THEM : THAT IS THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT PART OF BECOMEING CURED <THE FIRST STEP :: CLOUGH my freind please try real hard to keep doing what you are and remember that WE ALL LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU . AND remember that thereis no such word as {I CAN'T< if you tell your self that it also helps, there is nothing impossible;have a great day and a better tomorrow and keep up the good work,wereall proud of you ; your friend F.B.E.

---

:eek::eek:;):)

Your words mean more to me than you'll ever know, Flying Blue Eagle! Likewise, so do the words of others on this thread...

I'm very physically, mentally and emotionally tired right now. So, it's hard for me to do the best that I can with posting on this thread. Really have to think about the responses that I'll make. It's equally as hard here to respond as it is to speak at an A.A. meeting for me...

Usually, I'm on this site to relax, have some fun and answer and ask questions that might have more to do with activities and interests that people might need help and share with, like art, business, collectibles and the fine arts. That's just some of them. But, I think that you know what I mean...

This thread is different than any of the other types. In this thread, I and others are revealing what's in our hearts, our souls, our inner-most thoughts, how we truly feel and think about ourselves, or whatever a person might want to call it. Our relationship to God or some sort of Higher Power also comes into play.

Honesty plays an enormous role here!

Because of the topic and what is being revealed and subsequently discussed, it's just not an easy thread on which to participate. I'd like to congratulate, celebrate, console and share like the others on this thread have already done.

I'm just simply drained right now... Don't really know the best things to write...

I feel like I'm being real selfish by even posting right now... Don't quite know what's right... Would like to be like a friend to all who are on this thread! To share the love that we all can share!

Have now attended five A.A. meetings. Have spoken at every one of them. Made new friends. Heard stories and feelings like my own... Have another meeting, tomorrow night. Sunday evening. I think that it's a "speaking meeting" where there'll be a guest speaker.

I enjoy the meetings!

But, I'm very confused and depressed for a number of different reasons... Quitting drinking kind of put the "cherry on top" to everything else that has been going on and is going on.

I am less confused and anxious than I was before quitting drinking, though. Those are at least a couple of things that have been accomplished. Am getting more done in many ways. But, the disaster that I created for my life, primarily because of being a drunk, is a hole that is very deep and hard to get out of. Even when I get out of it, there will be many uphill battles to fight and mountains to climb before I'll be able to rest for awhile in a meadow filled with flowers!

God's Love and Peace to You All! :)

As I said before, it's not WHAT you say, it's just that you SAY something,even if it's repeating what you already said(eventually the message you need to hear will materialize)There IS no right or wrong comments in recovery, only keeping back the truth would be the 'wrong' thing to do

HOW group should be a message center, one HAS to be honest,open and willing to do whatever it takes to recover, even if it seems like you are dragging your feet to write something in here, which can seem like h*ll itself.(I can remember many times in the winter where I was so low on myself I would just read and not participate in fear of looking foolish)but once I stuck my neck out and tried,I found I would feel better,even just a little,before I would return to my shell.

The KEY to recovery,drilled into me by my sponsor,ACCEPTANCE.

Accept the things we cannot change,accept that we are powerless over people,places and situations which used to baffle us,accept that we can make mistakes and not have to beat ourselves up over them,accept that we have defects,we are NOT PERFECT.

How many times have you read one of my posts and wondered what it would have been like if YOUR name was behind it?Perhaps never, but try sometime, maybe not mine,but anyone's.See what they are like from their perspective.

I added that last quote to my sigy because I read some of my medical reports from inpatient, many read that I had a narcissistic mood, behavior,etc.Some of that is healthy,too much(and I have had those times,especially during manic episode)were too much.I was kind of upset reading them, they struck a nerve in me, I was being judged.NO ONE I KNOW LIKES BEING JUDGED,NO ONE.

The writing you do on this thread will,in time,begin to show your growth,not only in the fact that the alcohol is gone,but that your real personality will begin to flow without restriction,the burden of self will slowly dissipate into nothingness,leaving you as you are meant to be,human.

I hope this makes sense to you and this can continue on and on, I know it is helping me tremendously,remembering where it is I came from,to rehash the experiences and newness which accompanies recovery.

Good luck my friend,I'll be there for you when you ask, and even when you don't.

Clough, to me this is one of the most important subjects that require advice, help, and attention.

There are probably hundreds more here that have similar problems. We are not the only ones.


It's just not the right time for them to come forward, or to share. Not here. You do your sharing in your meetings first...

God bless.

CLOUGH-What is happing and is doingto youright now will be gone one day and some day things of this time of your life ,will be in your past ,and I hope that you will be able to look backto the past and "SAY ,you mean that was me back then and LOOK at me now ,I feel and look so much better now AND I am really loveing life now, YOU will be back on this site again,answering questions for a lot of people,that will give you the respect and thanks, and have the fun you used to and on other sites. I know you will because I can feekl it and I do not believe that it will be very long.CRAIG ,WE just don't want you to stop or give up ,thinking that you can't make and what's the reason for it ,what good is it going to do me , you know all the answers to these questions already. I know that you have the will power and you will just have to bring it forward .I have never been through anything like this that you are going through but I have know others and they said it is very hard and there is so much you have to COPE with, I know you can do it ,JUst remember there is no such word as {I CAN'T}. When I was a cub master in the cub scouts and a few years later a scout master it the boy scouts , when they [THE BOYS } would say( I can't DO IT) (OR THIS ) I would say this to them and when they tried ,they found out that they could; AND when I needed help from the fathers , I would hold a meeting and I would ask them one question and I wqould say " how would youy men like( to live your boyhood, All over again) 99% would say YESand I would tell them { IN SCOUTING ,YOU CAN DO THAT } I used to get a lot of help this waySO what IM getting at is this:: YOU HAVE ALL THE HELP THAT ANYONE COULD ASK FOR FROM ALL OF US HERE ON THIS SITE AND OTHERS WE akll love you andwant to any way we can ,we are all behind you all the way; SO THAT IS WHY I'M SAYING { THERE IS NO SUCH WORD!! }CLOUGH- There is a ciouple of songs in the him book at church and I really love these two; #1- HE KNOWS MY NAME,He knows my every thought ,HE see's my every tear that falls , HE calls me his own and he hears me when I call }CRAIG- DO not cut yourself down , you are a fine and good person ,so hold your head up high and be proud and loo stright ahead , CLOUGH IV got to close for now ,get back to you later HAVE a great night and a better tomorrow, JUST REMEMBER TO TRUST IN HIM AND PRAY AND ASK HIMMTO HELP <HE IS STANDING IN YOUR CORNER ALSO <I KNOW , FAITH ALSO HELPS:: GOD BLESS MY Friend :: F.B.E.

I just quit cold turkey cigarette addictionor choice. I don't know the mechanics of it. I just knew that it was dumb, and just decided/chose to quit. All those excuses that were made for us addicts were unhelpful to me.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ked1

I just quit cold turkey cigarette addictionor choice. I don't know the mechanics of it. I just knew that it was dumb, and just decided/chose to quit. All those excuses that were made for us addicts were unhelpful to me.

---

Some can quit their chosen actions without much problem,they make a conscious decision and stick to it.Others who are in a long term addiction and have a physical addiction to any certain chemical,drug/alcohol/cigarettes,etc,just don't have the constitution to do so,it isn't just a choice,it has to be something they concentrate on NOT doing on a daily basis.

While I was in my drug/alcohol addiction I was incapable of stopping,spiritually bankrupt,emotionally empty... without outside help there was only 3 possible outcomes for me as is stated at certain meetings:
1) Jails
2) Institutions
3) or death.

This is not drama,this was real hardcore stuff.

If you have ever watched a heroin addict in withdraws,a crack addict without a fix,an alcoholic without any drink, you would see the anguish we have gone through.The emptiness we felt thinking we were alone,that there was no hope for us and suicide seemed like a real good option.

I guess I am saying that you are a lucky person to be able to stop before things got so far beyond you that simply making a decision to stop would be too much.Just don't minimize what others are going through(or have gone through),they need support and that's what this thread is about.

KBC- I think that you have hit the nail on the head [this has been well put, good going ;;F.B.E.

I know a counselor who works with addicts and alcoholics. He is The Bomb. Awesome guy.

He's also done time in seven states. Lost it all more than once.

He would say this to any person thinking they are recovering... he'd ask what are you doing to be recovering...

And his opinion is that many addicts (I use this term for alcohol or drugs... makes NO sense to me to separate the two)... anyway, that many addicts are actually NEVER in recovery.

They will say "well, i found work" or "im going to meetings" or whatever... and what really makes an addict no longer an active addict is NOT how many meetings you go to or how many days you've been sober/clean...

Its What Is It You Are Doing Differently Now to avoid whatever you did to use?

As in, are you away from the same users? Are you around the same stessors?

If you isolated before, how are you addressin that now?

His position is that many, many addicts simply NEVER really were recovering. That relapse starts LONG BEFORE that first hit or drink...

That the drink over your lips is really just the last signature on a contract long drawn out.

That relapse starts when you begin to enter that same pattern... the lies.. the hiding.. the denial... That is when you began using again, even if you haven't taken anything in... its just a matter of time.

I believe him.

Met him while in voluntary treatment. Id been treated for depression. Turned to cohol when id seemed to be taking care of the rest of the issues... filled the vacuum so to speak. Decided to get some help when it was clear it was just another path to self destruction.

So... I think a lot of things play into addiction. I don't think its all dna and genetics. I do believe there is a balance of environment and biology.

I must say that this is an amazing profound thread. It's wonderful that so many can come together to help another in crisis.

First... To KBC: The patch along with the smokes will cause an increase in blood pressure, migraines, anxiety, sleeplessness, vision problems and prolific dreams. They should not be used together. I speak from experience. It was my optometrist that discovered it was the combination of the two that was causing my problems.

Since we are pouring our hearts out... I too am a recovering addict. Of what particular substance(s), I choose not to reveal.

I was a very high functioning addict. I was the Assistant Superintendent of Schools to a small school district. I was always sober at work. My habit never affected my work, in fact, I received several commendations during my period of addiction. Never missed a day of work, never came in late or left early. I would only partake of my habit on the weekends after 9pm. That was something I stood strong on. Never do it during the work week.

How did I stop my cycle? I moved. I moved over 600 miles away. Away from the people I was hanging out with, away from the influences. Although I have a very addictive personality, quitting was very easy this way. Just one day I decided I was done and I WAS DONE! There was no turning back, but there were cravings. Certain songs on the radio would start the cravings, so I would change the radio station.

Clough, my concern for you is that you are making "friends" with these people at AA. It is important that you maintain boundaries with these people. There is always the risk that if they fall off the wagon that they may bring you with them. As has been my experience it's best to keep a healthy distance with virtually everyone aside from your sponsor.

I also want to mention that with the alcohol gone, your body will begin to crave sugar since a certain form of sugar has been removed from your system. While in recovery my father turned to ice cream as a replacement for a can of beer.

After a month or so of sobriety you will notice that you are sleeping better. Alcohol dehydrates you and causes fitful sleeping. Without alcohol in your system you will rest better.

My prayers are with you Clough... and all of you who have come forward.

My addiction to narcotics was a nightmare and because I hated myself so much at the time it was very easy for me to stay in a very violent and abusive relationship.

Some might say I welcomed the abuse(on an unconscious level)to atone for my feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

I stopped abusing when I was lying on the floor after a severe beating and I saw my then toddler son look at me with such fear and sadness and loss of hope in his eyes ,it was my epiphany.My blessing.

I think you have been given a vast amount of insightful information.
There should be no shame,the only shame is in wasting a life and not getting well.

I am a firm believer in talk therapy and it was a lifesaver for me.Understanding how I got where I was and how I was going to fight the rest of my life to make sure I did not fall back into that life that was not a life at all.

What works for one may fail for another so my only suggestion is to find your niche and learn to celebrate yourself and know you are good and worthy and capable of change.

I applaud your determination and your ability to advocate for yourself.

Sometimes it is one day at a time and sometimes it is one minute at a time but at the end of the day be sure to congratulate yourself for a job well done.

Many blessings to you my friend and big virtual hugs !