Ask Me Help Desk - Porn addictions.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??
he's not judging me when were having sex?

Last night I was contemplating adding crown molding to the bedroom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??

They are trying to determine if they are performing well. In porn women overact their enthusiasm, giving men an unreal expectation of how women in real life react to pleasure. That is why they enjoy the overactive partner that is stroking their ego throughout their performance.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

he's not judging me when were having sex?

No, he is worried you are judging him.

Here's another secret for you...

My exwife was a porn 'star' (after we separated). She wasn't particularly special in bed.

Just had a questionable sense of morality and good flexibility.

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88sunflower agrees: LMAO! Did you come to a decision?

Definite yes. Along with new mahogany hardwood flooring. I didn't get much farther than that. It was my turn...

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??

Hello j:

I always found thinking got in the way. So, I try to stop thinking and start feeling, and empathizing, and letting myself go...

excon

J... do you think that he is completely focused on what he likes and that you just happen to get off in the process?

Why don't you show the same dedication to his pleasure as he appears to show to yours.

You don't need to mimic any porn movie... but you could try pretending to star in your own...

I don't know what it is he is focused on I like to think its me. I like to think that I'm making him want to ejaculate so fast but I'm not sure if it's the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm... I can't to both at the same time... this is where the inadequacy comes in... then he gets upset with himself if I don't and he does... but then I feel horrible if I do and he doesn't relatively soon after... and he just says its because after a period it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because I wasn't getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

I dont know what it is he is focused on as a matter of fact i like to think its me. I like to think that im making him want to ejaculate so fast but im not sure if its the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm...i can't to both at the same time...this is where the inadequacy comes in...then he gets upset with himself if i dont and he does....but then i feel horrible if i do and he doesnt relatively soon after...and he just says its because after a period of time it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because i wasnt getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

Welcome to the wonderful world of a relationship where you both want the other to be happy...

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

I dont know what it is he is focused on as a matter of fact i like to think its me. I like to think that im making him want to ejaculate so fast but im not sure if its the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm...i can't to both at the same time...this is where the inadequacy comes in...then he gets upset with himself if i dont and he does....but then i feel horrible if i do and he doesnt relatively soon after...and he just says its because after a period of time it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because i wasnt getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

Its not a race to get off or get each other off...

Why don't you try slowing things down a bit.. exploring.. playing.. enjoying...

Wow I know this has been an extremely long thread, but I thank all of you for giving me such wonderful insight. I can't talk to my own friends about it because well there relationships are either too shallow or not far along enough where they would be able to understand and give reasonable advice.

I think that guys use the 'I watch porn to get some tips on how to better do it' as an excuse to make it acceptable to girls. I feel the same way you do about porn though.
I noticed that many people that come here with problems with their bf's watching porn are complaining that they prefer the porn over them. I have said and still believe that porn does desensitize many guys because they end up addicted to porn and neglecting their girl

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

Wow I know this has been an extremely long thread, but i thank all of you for giving me such wonderful insight. I can't talk to my own friends about it because well there relationships are either too shallow or not far along enough where they would be able to understand and give reasonable advice.

My husband and I have had similar discussions. I hate to expose his own personal issues, but I do understand. I had always thought myself unusual for thinking online porn was hilarious, and thus trying to find every free site EVER, one summer just for a grin. My husband on the other hand, believes that porn as an industry is comparable to the simple pleasures, like Dr.Pepper. So when I finally asked him to stop with the touching, he wasn't thrilled, and has, as far as I know, only done so when I went on vacation. So I can empathize. Saying you won't doesn't exactly mean ever, even if you think it should because they promised. *eye roll for personal reasons*

I've come to realize that I need to lighten up myself just a little more. Our sex life is awesome, usually, but that's for another thread... He asked me once to make a porn star face while we were having sex, now I do that and say, *pause* porn star face, and he laughs and has to stop for a few seconds. So I try to distract him and bring him back into our bedroom and me rather than him imagining a camera on us or some other notion that I have no desire to participate in. It has helped, and I do give him kudos for trying.

He may not be perfect, but it speaks volumes for his addiction to YOU if he has promised to stop. Addiction is hard and stays with you forever, you are never recovered, only recovering. I highly recommend if he asks you that again to respond with something he would rather not do, like a finger somewhere special :eek: he might get the point a little more clearly.