[lazzyboyy313]

dynocompe, I think I have dealt with the jealousy issue for the most part. I like doing things without my girlfriend and I don't mind when she goes out with her friends. She hasn't done anything that would cause me to distrust her. I definitely have done a lot of reflecting on the matter and seen that I was wrong in my actions just as much as my ex was and that's why we didn't work out. As you said jealousy never works in a relationship and it killed ours. Hope some people take the time and read my whole thread and I hope it helps people going through the same problems I went through

[dynocompe]

That's good, it's a hard thing to come over! Probably was much easier when you see what it does to a relationship first hand!

[amicon]

It seems you have learnt from your experiences-well done!

Wishing you happiness in your current relationship!

[lazzyboyy313]

I don't feel like posting a new question so I'll ask it here and hope people will answer. Has anyone here become at least civil with an ex? Like to say you don't hate their guts and if you happened to see them in the street you would genuinely say hi.

[vanheart]

I say jump in that time machine.

Punch in FUTURE, whatever date.

You will find yourself without her & happy.

[vanheart]

I wouldn't worry about those things.

That means you still care. She doesn't. Remember that.

Fantasy at this point.

Get on with yourself first, then you will know exactly what to do.

You may surprised that it doesn't even matter.

Did you mean if you see her arm & arm w/her new boyfriend? Hehehe...

[lazzyboyy313]

Did you mean if you see her arm & arm w/her new bf? hehehe...

If this were to happen I really wouldn't care. I probably wouldn't say hi either but it wouldn't affect me in any manner. More than likely I'd be walking with my girlfriend anyway.

[lazzyboyy313]

That means you still care. She doesnt. Remember that.

Fantasy at this point.

I guess I also had a question from your thoughts. Last year, about 5 months after we stopped talking to each other completely my ex sent me a long apology email. So does this mean she doesn't care? I don't mean in a relationship sense by any means. To not care, to me, would mean she wouldn't bother sending me such an email and just left it at what we left it at. Again, I am not asking this for signs of us making a comeback, this is to answer my earlier question of being civil with the girl and not feeling awkward doing so.

[talaniman]

One mistake we always make as humans, is assuming the thoughts, and motives of others.

Its more a signal to YOU of your confusion than anything to do with them. Take it for what it is, an apology, and look no further into it, as she said her peace and that's it.

A break up isn't a signal she doesn't care, but not enough to see a future of romance with you. Take it for what it is and leave it be.

Trying to analyze a 5 month old email is futile at this point, because then, as now, you're grasping at any shred of hope that her feelings are as yours, and they are not, she is looking forward, and your going through the motions on looking forward, but you still are stuck over this.

No one can avoid awkward moments, it like everything else you encounter in life, its how you deal with it that counts and how well you have developed your coping skills that get you through this.

Break ups are seldom about the break up, or the person you broke up with, but always about how you deal with them.

You learn a lot about YOURSELF, your strengths, hopes, and weaknesses, and how you deal with the world and COPE with what your going through.

Relax, and live, and be honest with yourself, and cope with reality, whether it's a break up, or some other thing that life throws at you.

[lazzyboyy313]

OK, I guess my asking that question is going to be taken as me caring about her and pining for something from her. I understand that and have to take it and the advice given at just that. I think I see that you can't hope for anything in the future or wonder what certain things "mean" or don't mean. Just take what's given to me in the simplest of forms and don't over think anything.

I have always been one to over analyze things and seems like I'm doing it again here. It's the same thing I did in the initial breakup and what ended up destroying me during and after the whole process. I will admit I have taken certain things way out of context but I hope I can learn from this and not repeat myself again and again.

[talaniman]

That's called learning, and something you will do your whole life. You learn (get the facts, not just the feelings), and make adjustments to the situation to get through it, in a positive way.

[vanheart]

Boiled down by Tal. Yes.

I was actually thinking about that very thing tonight as I was on the site.

About how we overthink & why.

In the creative I do, career wise, I deal with that issue everyday.
Always stems from the same things, anticipation, anxiety, unsurity, wanting to rock while making others thoughts your own, etc.. etc.. etc..

Sometimes we have to just let it be. Remove the noise.