[talaniman]

If you have her thingy, send it to her with no comment or fanfare! If you don't have it... Delete, ignore, move on!

[lazzyboyy313]

I do have it, guess I'll have to see what or why she wants it.

[Dare81]

I took a whole day to sit and wait to open the message because I didn't want to mess myself up. Another question is have I fallen back because I opened it and for a little time allowed myself to think she wanted to talk to me? I can't think of any reason she'd even need it. It's the most random thing she could have asked from me.

Don't read too much into it.You have her stuff, she wants it backs. That's it to the whole story

[lazzyboyy313]

but I've had it forever, it's just so random that she decides to ask for it now. We've been broken up for 4 months now and why would she need this program midway through school? Although I typed all these questions out I'm trying not to read into this too much.

[lazzyboyy313]

This is going to be a vent session for me. I haven't heard anything from her about the Microsoft office thing so don't care about that. Today was just a bad day for me and I'm going to whine/vent on here. Ever since we broke up all this girl has done was party. No biggie other than when we dated she said she was over partying and that she didn't like drinking anymore. Now, when I hear about her all I see is that she's getting wasted all the time and partying like crazy. The fact she's partying doesn't bother me, it's the fact she put on a façade when she dated me that she was over partying and then once she got bored with me kicked me to the curb so she could go back to partying and being free. I feel so used and played and so dumb for still caring. I shouldn't even think about someone so cold and heartless towards another's feelings but I have yet to shake her out of my head. Today was one of the worst nights since our breakup and I'm sorry if I sound like a little b***h.

[talaniman]

Now, when I hear about her all I see is that she's getting...

Stop hearing about her. That's as bad as talking to her.

[jmw0713]

^Exactly! When people bring her up, you need to shut them down immediately. They should understand what you are going through. You need to tell them that you do not want to talk about her when you hang out with them.

This may also be the time to try and find new friends that have no idea who she is. That way when you hang out with them, they will not bring her up.

Either way Tal is right. Hearing about her is just as bad as talking to her. I remember back a couple of months ago, I heard how my ex was partying it up and whatever. It hurt no matter if it was her telling me or our friend telling me. From that point on, I made my friend agree not to bring her up anymore. To this day she doesn't and we can hang out together with out drama (at least on my end).

[lazzyboyy313]

Yeah I've realized that seeing what she's doing shouldn't be imortant to me and that it is just as bad as talking to her. Yesterday was a perfect example of how I don't want to feel about this whole thing. If she's partying it up, I shouldn't care. I got some work to do yet but I hope this gets better by summer time

[jmw0713]

It will get better. Just keep moving forward.

[lazzyboyy313]

So it's been a while since anything has been posted on here. Just updating that I've now been NC for almost 3 months now (minus the emails about her software that I have) I'm doing pretty well but I can't say I'm definitely over her yet. I want to be over her because I know she's over me but I can't seem to forget about her all together. I still find myself thinking about her throughout my day. Will this persist until I find someone else? Not necessarily in the relationship sense but a girl who gets my attention and interest. Just more questions, any help is greatly appreciated.

[talaniman]

You never really forget someone you get attached to, but the thoughts don't hurt as much, with time. Another partner, may not be what you want as far as your feelings go, but after a while you'll deal with your feelings better, and won't just dwell on them as much, especially if your doing other things for yourself.

Healing is a slow process, so don't be impatient or worried that you still have those times when youe ex haunts you a bit. That's what memories do, as they fade away.

[makapuu]

I think the "break" is needed when two people don't know where their relationship is going. Think of it like the brakes on a car, you use them before proceeding, or taking a turn for the better, or worse, and hopefully way before you get totally lost.
My boyfriend found me when he was "on a break" with his now ex-girlfriend.

[lazzyboyy313]

Yeah I'm not really looking to be in any relationship but what I really miss is the feeling of knowing I could talk to someone about anything at anytime and they'd be there for me. I miss having that connection with someone.

Another thing I can't let go is something her mother said right after we broke up. She said that we should be on a break and meet up later on down the road because we got too serious too fast. Is this another thing I need to ignore and just forget about because it really doesn't mean anything? I feel like I already know the answer

[kctiger]

yeah I'm not really looking to be in any relationship but what I really miss is the feeling of knowing I could talk to someone about anything at anytime and they'd be there for me. I miss having that connection with someone.

Another thing I can't let go is something her mother said right after we broke up. She said that we should be on a break and meet up later on down the road because we got too serious too fast. Is this another thing I need to ignore and just forget about because it really doesn't mean anything? I feel like I already know the answer

Pay no attention, nor devote any feeling towards this... it is a truly stupid response to an otherwise sad ending and it lets some of her own guilt about this out.

No one can predict the future, but you can predict the odds of certain things happening. If you are a fan of reality, and aren't consumed by emotions, you will see the odds aren't high on this happening.

[lazzyboyy313]

I haven't put much thought into it but it's definitely sitting in the back of my mind. Her mom loved me which I why I couldn't just brush it off so easily. My ex was the only person I ended on bad terms with but all in all that's the only one that really matters.

I know this is going to come across as me looking for a sign or a glimmer of hope but this is meant as a general question. Does anyone think that separation is necessary and there is such a thing as "not the right time" in a young relationship. Young age seems to be a time of selfishness from what I've seen so I'm just curious to hear others input. Thanks

[talaniman]

Does anyone think that separation is necessary and there is such a thing as "not the right time" in a young relationship.

That's the reality of it. As we grow and change, and learn to define ourselves, and how to cope with our feelings, in this new world of adulthood, we make some decisions based on feelings and not facts. That's why letting go of the past is so hard, not just with romantic partners, but friends we have known since early childhood. Yeah, it sucks, but these are the adjustments we must make, as we find our own niche in life.

Young age seems to be a time of selfishness from what

Early adulthood is when you go through many growing pains, as when you're a teenager your body, and hormones change greatly, and after high school, your mind starts changing into you being an independent adult.

That's what its all about, those growing pains, and learning to deal with the changing world around you.

This is where you gain your experience that will define your life, they way you live, and how you deal with others.

[lazzyboyy313]

Yeah I agree with everything you said tal. I'd much rather have gone through this now and get some experience under my belt then to go through it at a harder time in my life. I am hopeful to notice signs earlier and to make my decisions based on facts and not feelings. At the least, I must learn from everything I've gone through in the last 6 months to better myself for the future.

[lazzyboyy313]

Been almost a year since I've posted on this story. I stayed NC with my ex for quite some time. Around may of last year I started to hit the dating scene again and to make a long story short, was contacted by my ex right when I was starting to "talk" to a new girl. Nothing serious but I had to chuckle and the timing of it all. So, I went along and met up with her and sort of "buried the hatchet" so to speak with her and it was good to not feel any resentment or ill will towards her anymore. Now I've been in a great NEW relationship with a different girl and it's going way better than my other one. I might start coming on here frequently again and giving advice to all the lonely souls who are going through what I went through and hopefully help someone out. That's what this site is all about anyway, right?

[dynocompe]

Sounds like you never worked through your jealousy problems. I never read this whole thread, but I seen your other thread about jealousy. I hope you get this worked out for your new relationship.
I use to be the jealous controlling type, and a lot of the men on this site that post probably were too! That is how most probably got here right, being jealous and pushing there gf's away! So they come post there stories here looking for help.
I will tell you how I got over my jealousy controlling issue. I was always afraid if they went out and I wasn't there, they would end up cheating on me with a guy that ended up hitting on them.
Well now I don't even care if they do! If they cheat, I will most likely find out, then I can get rid of her! I would rather find out she is a cheater before we getting married anyway! I actually love when they go out now, now I get some time to myself, get to work on my hobbies, hang with friends, go fishing, etc.
Best thing to do, is to keep busy when there out. I trust my girlfriend completely, because every action she has showed towards me, proves that she is trusting, so I will never question anything that she wants to do, it is her life, and when she is happy doing what she loves to do, guess what is also happy? Our relationship!
If every time your girlfriend wants to do something that doesn't envolve you, and she has to answer to you, and your 20 questions, and arguing, it is not going to be fun, and when she is out, she will most likely be upset with you, and much more prone to cheating with another guy because you are driving her away.
When she knows she has a good guy at home, who trusts her completely, she is not going to want to break that trust and do something stupid. She is just out to have fun.
Its nice getting away from your partner sometimes, if you don't feel this way, then you need to change your life!
Your life should not just be about your girlfriend.
You should be almost just as happy when you are not with her.

You should be so happy with your life, that is why you have a girlfriend, to share each others happiness!

If you are both happy without each other, you will have a much happier relationship together.

If you find that you are always getting jealous with your girlfriend, then I would evaluate your relationship. If she is always making you jealous, really think about what she is doing? Is it really something to be jealous over? Has she gave you a reason not to trust her?
If you can't trust your girlfriend, you should just be single until you can learn to trust. A relationshp WILL NEVER work if you can't trust.
So I sure hope you have delt with this issue!

[jmw0713]

Good job man! This shows that for every end there is a new beginning.