I am a chronic liar and I got this account just to get advice on it. I have read other pplz stuff on it but my back ground is dif so I don't know if that will affect what I should do about it.
I am now 15, used to cut, was raped for four years, my sister had a baby at 13 and I was 11, I was adopted at two, am addicted physically to guys, I switched schools a lot, have moved several times, am ADD, And am also addicted to drama. I lie to create drama and I create drama for the attention. I try to stop but I just lie... I know I have a lot in my life that I could tell and get the same attention but I make up stories instead, I like get a high off making up the stories just to see if people believe them and how I can play there emotions. I also steal a lot too.. I am also addicted to porno though I think it is the most sinful thing in the world. I am also addicted to talking trash to people just to put them down to build myself confidence... I am screwed so bad and I need to know what I should do.. I know being raped and adopted and having ADD does not excuse my actions so I am trying to do something about it.. when you answer please don't ask me about being raped or any of that just comment on what I can do to make things better or chances are I will take what happened to me and twist it to make it sound worse and add stuff And I will prob end up lying to you.. I am not lying right now and I don't want to I just want some advice... My rents are getting fet up wit me and my syblings hate me right now... I am mentally messed up in the head.. you would think after all of that I should be stronger than ever and not be doing anything like this.. but I am not...

I have issues with lying too but I use primarily to hide who I am and my beliefs and who I feel to my parents and people in their religion. But I also do what you do. Lie to people and see if they believe me.. I totally understand that whole getting high thing from it. It's such a rush to know that you can control someone's feelings like that. It gives me a sense of power. Honestly I think the issue with you and I is that feeling of being weak and powerless maybe you know what I mean. Can I just ask this. Do you think that because you were raped for 4 years that you still have isssues with feeling like your weak and helpless. Because if that's true then that's probably why you lie

I am pretty impressed by your assessment of your situation. So many kids in your position who are fully aware of what they're doing also couldn't care less about fixing it. They simply find fault in others to blame. You're not doing any of that. Wow. Awesome.

Your lying and drama-creation are all for your own entertainment. And it's negative entertainment. But you DO get a high from it. Again, I'm impressed you realize that.

You like the attentions of others and seem to think only negative attention is what you can accomplish, but that's not the case at all. You're young and inexperienced, so you need to seek out new experiences to keep and hold your attention.

Are you involved in ANYTHING in your life at all solely for the benefit of other people? I mean volunteering your time and energy to help people less fortunate than yourself?

-Collecting food for the poor?
-Blanket brigade for the homeless?
-Working with younger kids in a church ministry?
-Big Brother/Sister in a community center?

I suggest these things because you will also get a similar high from activities like this. When other people admire you and your life's activities, it is another kind of feedback and drama you could get a rush from. But in this instance, it's a high from goodness. Do you understand what I mean?

Along with helping others, you can also put your dramatic tendencies to use, still in a positive way, but this time for your benefit.

- Drama Classes
- Community Theater
- Music Club/Band
- Writing and Literature

Writing your "lies" into truth for a character is a wonderful outlet for those tendencies. Your ability to think out false scenarios would actually be enhanced by having to write them out fully and develop them completely for a story. Very refreshing.

Acting is professional lying. Another perfect outlet.

Overall, I want you to focus less on beating yourself for your bad habits and instead find ways to use those very habits for good, and/or focus your remaining energies on helping others. It's hard to tell a bunch of lies about yourself when everyone (inlcuding you) are trying to focus on others in need.

Think about it. There are probably other opportunities like I've suggested near you. Seek and you shall find.

I agree with JB I was very impressed that you were able to look outside yourself and see what you're doing is wrong.. that is the first step in the right direction in my view.. You can get help for your psychological problems by seeing a counselor, and also maybe you should take medication for the ADD..

ADD is a really tough disorder to deal with when you're not on medication.. I know that you don't want to use it as an excuse but you need to address these problems at the core in order to get better and then you can do was JB suggested.. you seem like a bright girl, I'm very happy that you've decided that you need help, and now it's up to you to make the change that you want in your life..

Post 1 - That is what I think sometimes but I then again sometimes I just don't know... That doesn't give me a right to lie though... But I never went to a councilor about it.. and never told the police... because he threatened to kill me if I did.. I talk to my mom a little about it but.. in the last three and a half years I have not talked about it... at all... not even with my mom... Until last night...

Post 2 - The way I learned to look at it like it is was because one of my friends did the same thing to me... not to get back at me cause she had no idea I did that kind of thing... But since we met she tells me her boyfriend beats her and stuff like that... I know when she is lying though because I can just tell since I am like that too... but anyway... It took me a while to get to where I am with this... ever since my uncle started raping me and molesting me I have been telling lies... He is the one who taught me to lie to begin with... Also the helping other people I try to do as much as I can like babysitting for free, or working at Harding University for free by running errands and taking things places for random people... I also volunteer for the special olympics twice a year, and once a month I take the money I raised in my yard working "business" and give it out to random people on the streets.. My mom tells me all the time... "They'll just go buy beer with it..." but What I say is that I can give it to them and what they do with it is between God and them... I would rather them buy the beer than steal it though... And also I will sit at Wal-Mart (Where my dad works) once a week and just watch around for anyone who needs help unloading things, or carry things, or even if the buggie people just need help pusing or gathering carts. I Try to do as much as I can with that kind of things and you are right it does make me feel good... and the last month has been better with my lying because When I find I lied to someone I will go to them rather they catch me or not and tell them I am sorry, And that I lied to them.. It really isn't has hard as it seems either because once I do that I can see they have a bigger respect for me since they will know I am trying...

Post 3 - And I just went and got my medicine for my ADD... I haven't taken it yet... But I am going to... with breakfast... I hope I got the post right in my head I am trying to remember the order and I may have skipped some info from the posts or Added some of a dif one in another.. but I think you will all get what I mean... anyway...

I talked with my mom about it last night.. and about what happened and she prayed with me and talked with me and was p[en with me about it.. She is a theripist though and she was trying like she has many times to give me a session but rule number one of theripist is that you are not suppose to try to treat your family... I do have a friend of my moms and a teacher at school with me that I talk to about my stress and cutting and stuff... and I have let her know I lie to so she can be careful and help keep me accountable... She is a councilor herself... but I have never talked to her about my uncle, or my adoption... though her daughter (my best friend) was adopted.. I just sometimes think she will feel like I am trying to make that my excuse... well anyway I got to go

But keep posting people if you have more advice... or anything else that I can get help from... thank you all for trying to help me and not flaming me... all this advice is Great advice... Keep it coming at me...

I would look up Neuro Linguistic programming... Maybe even something along the lines of covert hypnosis... if you are going to manipulate people, at least be good

An interesting concept is frames.

Now, in NLP, Frames are how you structure the world... how you view it... so, in one frame adoption is a terrible thing because your parents abandoned you... in another, adoption means someone chose you above everyone else, something normal parents can't do, and that you are loveable... in one frame you might believe you are responsible for something, even though everyone around you can see you are not... small children, often believe that things are their fault when the wiser one might see that this is not the case... often, harming other people comes from a feeling of lack of safety, and when we learn to be safe, we find that we no longer harm, but instead use our abilities to help.

Basically, to a large extent, you control who you are, what frames you put on the world...

So instead of being the person who always lies, and gets off on harming other people, you are the person who only lies where it's necessary, and who choses to help other people... and, even if you aren't that person... it isn't all that hard to pretend you are that person.

What would that person think like? What would that person do? And then, pretend to think like that person, and pretend to act like that person would...

Now, you don't have any control over what happened in the past. You can only control what you do today... and, you can easily pretend to be someone who you aren't... because, if you pretend to be someone else, slowly the world will come to believe you are that person... and sooner than you think, you will believe you are that person too...

Because sometimes, lying can be a good thing, where it is needed to protect yourself... or others... maybe protect a friend, or someone close to you... and I don't believe it is always wrong... but sometimes we lie to ourselves, try to explain the bad things that happen to us as our fault, where wise minds might realise that we are worthy and we chose to be better

You've gotten some great advice here dear, and the only thing I want to add here is that you have so much on your plate and right in knowing that a therapist should not have a family member as a client. However, you really need to think about getting professional help in taking one issue at a time (all of them - and being open), sorting it out and putting them in perspective so that you can find 'closure' and go on with your life.

Younger children have a safety mechanism of 'denial' for protection, but after a certain age, these issues erupt to encourage us to work on them, discard them, and help us grow. These memories will never go away and they will force you to react one way or the other (in your case lies and other negative actions). Just like artists: Pablo P. worked on his 'demons' by putting them on canvas. There are many (actors, singers, etc) with pasts that were not the best, but they managed to bring them out and use them to their advantage.

You have many possibilities available to you and you have to make the choice. But, in my opinion, unless you get your demons out on the table, sort them out and decide how to use them to your advantage in the future, and without professional help, you'll only achieve half of your goal.

You've made two big steps already, coming here and talking to your Mom. Continue on and don't stop now. Your family cares, and so do we.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif