[ceverest1]

Hey everyone,

Well I was in a long distance relationship... basically this girl added me on myspace, she lives in cali, I live in Maine. I was looking through her profile and thought, man she seems like a pretty cool girl, into country music, mudding, all of that. Everything I looked for in a girl. But I also noticed she was from Cali, so I was dismissed the thought of a relationship. That was until she messaged me one night, and we started talking. The next night, we were talking on the phone, and it ended up being an 8 hour conversation. She told me everything about her. We continued this the next night too, another 8 hour conversation. I've never even talked on the phone for more than 45 minutes before this. And then that was when she told me she would like to start a relationship with me. I agreed.

Well we talked all the time, mostly her texting me or calling me. She usually initiated contact because she always wanted to talk to me. We fell for each other quite fast too, saying I love you after only a week, and both of us meant it. It all seemed perfect, minus the distance.

Now, we did have our stupid fights, but they didn't last long, and most of it was because of the distance, so things we said were misinterpreted, whatever, but we got over them fast. She was already talking about saying yes if I asked her to marry her, so I think she really did love me.

Finally, on Jan 6 I flew out to cali to meet her, and we had a great time together. However, one thing I did drove her crazy. I have a dry sense of humor, and she could say "you look so handsome" or whatever. Instead of saying thank you, I would be a smart , and say oh I know... like that. She thought I was cocky, when in reality I was just being a sarcastic smart .

Come Jan 12, I'm supposed to fly out. Now, she's crazy about having sex, like all the time. She won't randomly hook up with guys, but in a relationship, she wants it all the time. I noticed something was off when we didn't have sex the night before, but now I'm about to leave, and she still wasn't wanting to have sex. I ask her, and she said OK, and when we were about to, she goes "We need to talk..."

We all know that saying, so I said about what? And she told me that she felt like something wasn't right, and it was about us... so I asked her if she just wanted to break up, and try to work things out, and she agreed. We drove to the airport, and she dropped me off. We talked the whole 3 hours there, and when I was about to get out, she started bawling, and gave me a very long kiss. She called me 10 minutes after leaving, still crying, and told me to call her later. So I did when I landed, and she asked what I wanted, I said to be together, but she insisted we remain friends, and I agreed.

We kept talking like we normally did for a few days, and on the 15th she says that one night she wants to talk about us, and I said OK. I tried calling the next night, no answer. Left a voicemail, and a few texts over the course of the night, no response. I didn't hear from her until 2 days later, when I found out she was hanging out with her ex that night, one who is still crazy about her. So I kind of lost it there, and told her that I won't stay in the way of them. She told me nothing was going on and I needed to calm down...

Now, after this, she doesn't want to talk about us anymore. She still says I love you, but she needs space, time and to fix her own problems first. This goes on for a couple weeks. We would be fine for 3-4 days, then the ignoring would happen. I didn't know what to think. I would try texting her, no response, calling her, no response... I had to send her a myspace message saying call me before she would. Yeah, might come off as obsessive, but at the time, I thought we were still wanting to get back together and all was fine between us.

Finally, on the 28th, I straight out ask her "why are you ignoring me? its killing me" and she goes "i dont want to talk about us" so I told her we wouldn't, but just stop ignoring me. So we start talking again. This lasts until she goes to a rodeo on the 31st, and then I'm ignored again. 2 days of no talking, so I ask her how the rodeo went, and she goes Good, I got wicked drunk... and when I ask her what she's been up to lately, no response. I figured whatever, so I left her alone, then texted her later that night saying hey. She talked to me for about 15 minutes, then started the ignoring again. So I then again asked her her problem was, and she called me to tell me I'm an obsessive and she wants me out of her life... we exchanged some harsh words, and then ended it.

a week goes by, I sent her a long message apologizing for the way I had been acting and everything I did, because by then, I knew I was messing up and doing a lot of things I normally wouldn't do, and was actually mad at myself for how I had been pestering her so much. She talks to me on the 6th of February, and I find out she was raped by a 'friend' 2 days earlier... I was shocked, and told her I would be there for her. At this point, my plans for trying to work out a relationship are put on hold, as I try to show I can be a friend because that's all she needed. But for 5 days she didn't say a word to me. Finally she forwards a text to me, and that's when I ask her if I can talk to her, and she goes "give me time, things are wierd for me right now." so I said OK to that.

Next night I get a text saying Hey, I miss you. We talk again, she tells me she loves me still, and for a few days we are talking like normal. I sent her a v-day card that she loved, she told me she wishes she could be there with me for v-day... she called me randomly to say she loved me before she took a nap... it seemed like we were finally going to get back together.

But after that random call, which was the 15th... more ignoring. This time, I wasn't going to over react though, so I texted her maybe 2 times a day, once around 1pm, and again around 11pm... she calls me 2 days later, and says she's been busy working on her truck, her water pump let go, and her slave (that ex who was crazy about her) was there helping her. So I think whatever, but then its another 2 days of NO talking. It took me asking her what am I supposed to do because my friend was about to kill himself for her to respond... after that ordeal, I ask her if I did something wrong because she hasn't been talking to me lately... and she said I was being obsessive again. Because apparently just saying hey is obsessive. So I told her I would stop talking to her until she decides to talk to me. She calls me the next day, and I apologized. And that's when she tells me its never going to work between us because I can't relax. I was pretty upset, but I gave her my sincere apology hoping we could remain friends.

the next night she texts me, and tells me she still loves me, and that we could work if I stop over analyzing things and relax, and I told her I would. I've maybe texted her twice to start a conversation since then, and that was Friday night. We've only talked on the phone once, when she called, and had a 5 min IM conversation, but other than that, we haven't really talked.




So sorry for the long story, its just that's the back and forth mixed signals I've been getting. It seems like one day she's all about working it out, then the next she doesn't want to hear from me... she says she loves me, but still ignores me. She said no more chances, but now she's saying we could work if I calm down. Am I supposed to do? I feel like no matter what I do, I am wrong and only pushing her away. It seems like everything is fine till she hangs out with that ex... but the good news there is they are no longer friends... I'm so confused, and hurt, and I don't even know what to do anymore. Anyone have some advice for me? I really want to work this out, she's everything to me, and I would do so much to get back with her... but I also know that if its unsalvagable, I have to move on and cut my losses. I'm hoping she's giving me a last chance, but I don't even know anymore because it's been such a roller coaster ride for me...

[artlady]

I can't imagine trying to have a relationship with someone who is so confused she doesn't know what she wants from one minute to the next. The drama alone would be enough to make me crazy.

Long distance relationships take a lot of work and commitment and I don't think she is willing or even able to do that.Whether because of the ex BF or because she's just flighty.is hard to say.

I think you should reconsider this whole relationship and cut all contact as the drama will only get worse.

If this is the way things are during what should be the *honeymoon* phase of the relationship,just imagine what a few years down the road would bring.Yikes!

Cut your losses and move on.. that's my advice!

[talaniman]

You need a good long break from her and her drama. LDR's are so hard to handle and things get confused with the distance and absence. Hard to bond over the phone, and keep things going and growing.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Check this link out, and compare it to what's happened and see if you can get some insights as to why things are so rocky.

[Romefalls19]

Tal always provides great links, I can't begin to add anything else besides, LDR are really hard especially with someone who is "confused"

[ceverest1]

Well an update is in order... last night she started posting on my space, her status was Stop complaining, you brought your own problems upon yourself. Get over it... and some of the answers seemed like they were aimed at me. I made the fatal error of texting her to say is with all the pointed at me on myspace... she called me and told me none of it was aimed at me, but her crazy ex. So now she says she doesn't want to be friends, I ed it up, and I always think it revolves around me. But who's not guilty of thinking that is about them? Especially during this kind of time.

Well I apologized to her, she actually listened, and I told her I would go get some counsiling because obviously I do take things way to personally. She said she would let me back in her life as a friend if I did do that. So I cut contact.

Well my ex before her texted me today to ask what happened, and I told her. Well she said basically the same my my current ex did about everything, so obviously the error lies in me. My ex called today to tell me the other one added her as a friend on myspace and was wondering why, and then she actually talked to me. I told her about what I've finally realized and how I'm going to change it. And I don't mean change for her, I mean for myself, because if two ex's tell me the same thing, obviously its me. So I only see this happening again, and again if I don't correct it. She's going to call me later, but I told her I really can't be friends with her until I clean out my head and get back on the right track because all of this will only happen again. But she forgave me, and wants to work things out, and she knows she still has to be patient while I correct it because I can't do it overnight. So that's where we stand now. I just need advice on how I can stop worrying about things, and just riding it out, and letting things happen

[Ash123]

Your life is a bit too... virtual.

Try to focus on spending less time on myspace an texting and go out with people that are within arm's reach...

[I wish]

For the record, it's always easier to give other people advice than listening to it ourselves. A third person is not emotionally attached to the situation. In other words, if you want to go with logic, then maybe consider a third person's point of view.

That being said, the logical thing to do is to move in the same city and try to work it out. Otherwise, there's no point continuing the way it has been going. You guys are too far away from each other and have no idea when you will see each other again. It creates a lot of insecurity for both of you.

Because of your insecurity, you become extremely emotional. Which is why you are contacting her so often. From a third person's point of view, it might seem obsessive, but you're only doing what you feel in your heart, so it is understandable.

Anyway, I think that if you really loved her as much as you say you do, you should consider asking her to move to Main or move to Cali yourself.

But if you do move into the same city, just watch out. She seems like she wants her space. So make sure you play it cool... as in give her space when she wants and needs it, but give her the attention when she wants and needs it.

Otherwise, if you can't be in the same city, just forget it and be friends if you can handle it.