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Catalyst93 · May 8, 2007, 04:33 PM

I am in a very sticky situation. One of my closest friends has recently told me that he was very attracted to me.:o I am flattered, but don't know what to do in the long run as I don't feel the same way about him. I want to remain friends, but I don't want to hurt him. I am very confused as to what I should do- as far as how to turn down date offers, etc, so that we can remain friends. Thanks for the help!:)

mr_guy · May 8, 2007, 04:44 PM

*sigh* I've been in this situation many times before as well... only on the other end.

See, the rejection part is the hardest. I'd LIKE to say to go along with it, but that's not really all too honest. Try letting him know that you'd like to stay friends and whatnot. Nonetheless, whatever you may think, you'll still hurt him emotionally. It's inevitable.

Sorry.

PS. My point of view only. Others are accepted too.

gypsy456 · May 8, 2007, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by Catalyst93

I am in a very sticky situation. One of my closest friends has recently told me that he was very attracted to me.:o I am flattered, but dont know what to do in the long run as I dont feel the same way about him. I want to remain friends, but I dont want to hurt him. I am very confused as to what I should do- as far as how to turn down date offers, etc, so that we can remain friends. Thanks for the help!:)

In the long run you may hurt somebody's feeling more if you don't tell him that you don't answer his feelings...

Of course it will hurt to be rejected, but at least you are being a friend by telling the truth.. and if the friendship is worth it then it hopefully will survive.

What if you wouldn't say this... and you would start avoid seeing this person...
Much more painful.

But that's what I think :)

Good luck, it's not an easy situation.

I always think: it's not so much WHAT we say but HOW we say it...

Catalyst93 · May 9, 2007, 01:44 PM

Thanks. We still get along really well, so I don't think things are going to change THAT much. :)

SnaveLeber · May 9, 2007, 01:50 PM

Friendships always make the best relationships, as long as you can relate in your backgrounds. In a friendship its much easier to put up with some differences in beliefs than in a relationship which is a partnership.
Do you have the same religion? Same spending habits? Same social setting? Are you both secure in who you are as single people? Assess the situation hen make your decision.

mogoverthemoon · May 13, 2007, 11:46 AM

I'm in the same situation as your friend. I love one of my best friends but she don't feel the same way and wants to stay friends, its hard though, you may not know it but maybe you droped hints that you felf the same way, my friend did and when I came out and said how I feel I was crushed. What not to do though and it's a big no is to flurt or get close to other guys while he's around or until his feelings go away, hurts a lot when you see someone you love so much gets with another person... ouch :(

Fr_Chuck · May 13, 2007, 12:27 PM

If you don't have "those" feelings you don't, but being a good friend is the most important part of a boyfriend or girlfriend, that is a mistake too many people dating make, they should be friends first to have things in common. But if there is no "spark" there just ain't

roundmonkeylover · May 13, 2007, 01:04 PM

I've seen this a few times and I think it's a fundamental difference between male and female friendships. Perhaps if guy-guy friendships were more like girl-girl friendships then it would be less common.

Anyhow mogoverthemoon is bang on. I've been on the wrong end of this situation in the past and if he can find it in himself to put his feelings to one side and be your friend then you should do the same for him. Try not to flirt with guys or see guys around him for a while. That's really hurt me and made me realise that I was the one making all the effort/sacrifice and she probably didn't care enough about my feelings.

lechatnoirxvii · May 27, 2007, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by Catalyst93

I am in a very sticky situation. One of my closest friends has recently told me that he was very attracted to me.:o I am flattered, but dont know what to do in the long run as I dont feel the same way about him. I want to remain friends, but I dont want to hurt him. I am very confused as to what I should do- as far as how to turn down date offers, etc, so that we can remain friends. Thanks for the help!:)

I've been there, done that, I can't say that we're the happiest right now, but I told him I liked him, he let me down gently then a few months down the road he's like, Hey I like you. I was at the point where I was over it, but I remembered that I had liked him, and gave it another shot, and that was almost a year ago.

BUT I actually answer your question, just be nice about it. That's what he did when I told him, he liked someone else and it was hard, really hard, but it got OK, it may take some time though. Hope that answers your question!

EllieBrown · May 27, 2007, 06:33 PM

Do you think there is any chance that you would ever like him? Or totally no possible way? If there is even the slightest chance, tell him that you won't write it off entirely, but for now it is better like this for YOU. He may understand that, and maybe he would be more comfortable with that answer. Does that make sense?

Mom of 2 · May 30, 2007, 10:12 PM

As always, honesty is the best way to deal with it. I agree with the poster who said it is not what you say but how you say it. I hate to quote a cliché, but don't tell him, "your'e a nice guy, but......." Instead, tell him how important your friendship is to you and that you don't want to mess it up.

Is there ANY attraction at all? Even just a little spark? As Father Chuck said, if there is no spark, there is just no spark. I would hate for you to start dating him because you think that you should and then if or when it does not work out, then it may effect your friendship in a negative way. Then, not only do you lose a boyfriend, but you may also lose a friend. I have heard that happen way too often.