[artlady]

As the mother of sons,I have seen young girls throw themselves at my sons in such a overtly sexual way that I was taken aback.

Just the pictures they would send over a web cam were so erotic they would be considered porn.

Thankfully,they know not to touch jail bait but I think some boys may not be so inclined and will let their hormones get the best of them.

There has to be some accountability on both ends.

Young girls today(not all) are very promiscuous and they need to be taken to task for their behavior as well.

[Alty]

I agree with Scott but I had to spread the rep.

This boy was warned and he doesn't care, now it's time to back up
The warning and follow through.

The girl is 14, she doesn't have the sense God gave a goat at that
Age. The boy is legally and adult, he made his choice now he's going to have to live with it.

If it were my child I'd give the warning too, then I'd follow through if the warning was dismissed.

[miamor10192007]

Thank you very much for all your great responses. It has helped me tremendously. I will do everything that I can to protect my daughter whether she feels she needs my protection or not. I know that its going to be difficult but "this too shall pass"

[ohsohappy]

No matter how many times my mother told me not to have sex I still did it.

If I were you I would:
-Take her to planned parenthood or a clinic. Help her get sex educated. Let the nurse talk to her about, diseases, AIDS, pregnancy and contraception.
-Get her contraception.
-Have her get a part time job to pay for the contraception. If she wants to make and adult decision to have sex then she has to work as adults do. Have her even pay a portion of your monthly bills.
-Invite the 18 year old boy over, have a talk with him with your daughter's father present if possible. Let him know that having sex with her can put him in jail for statutory rape. Let him know that if he is dating your daughter he needs to respect her.
-If they go out on dates let them go on group dates, not alone.
-Give her a curfew. Anything past 10 is asking for it.
-Make house dates, let the boyfriend come over, let them watch movies, but do not allow them to go in her room.

I know it's hard to think, why would I approve of this 18 year old kid? But the truth is she thinks she loves him, once she thinks you approve she'll eventually get tired of him. Really. Try it. Of course always keep an eye out and if there is bad behavior such as:
-coming late from curfew
-finding out she had sex with the boy
-bad grades

Then you should take away her privileges-- and also call the police if he did have sex with her.

If you keep nagging her to not have sex and threaten her with different things she will just sneak off with the boy and do it. Trust me, teens invented the saying "when there's a will there's a way".

Go to the clinic, get her informed, push her to get a part time job, get her contraception, and get to know the boy a little more.

...after all aren't you supposed to keep your enemies close;)

Good luck mom!

Sarah

Well It wouldn't let me greanie you, but This is almost exactly what I was going to say.
Especially the part I put in blue, Unfortunately, the fear Of god and parents will not work, and She will come to resent her parents if they completely try to eliminate this


"MOM"
Unfortunately, I see her getting her heart broken, I really don't see a way around that. You are a good mother trying to protect your daughter from this, but she is not willing to listen to reason, at least not from a parent. I wish there was a way for me to talk to her. If you want her to get some first hand education on having your heart broken, I know almost all there is to know from that age. I'm 19. I wish I could talk to her, really, because I still know exactly what it feels like, and I've learned to be pretty convincing when it comes to young ladies,since I am one, although 5 years more grown up. I posted a comment on a thread called "How to hang out with a guy" You can find what I said on there, see if what I said to that young lady can help you talkj to your daughter. Good luck. Your daughter is really going to need you.

Here's the link to the post I had mentioned earlier. I hope it helps.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...uy-397063.html

[JudyKayTee]

wish there was a way for me to talk to her. If you want her to get some first hand education on having your heart broken, I know almost all there is to know from that age. I'm 19. I wish I could talk to her, really, because I still know exactly what it feels like, and I've learned to be pretty convincing when it comes to young ladies,since I am one, although 5 years more grown up. I posted a comment on a thread called "How to hang out with a guy" You can find what I said on there, see if what I said to that young lady can help you talkj to your daughter. Good luck. Your daughter is really going to need you.

Here's the link to the post I had mentioned earlier. I hope it helps.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...uy-397063.html

Getting her heart broken is not the problem as I see it - pregnancy and the possibility of disease are far more serious and also possibilities.

You do understand that the boyfriend is raping the daughter, right?

[ohsohappy]

Getting her heart broken is not the problem as I see it - pregnancy and the possibility of disease are far more serious and also possibilities.

You do understand that the boyfriend is raping the daughter, right?

Yes, I understand all of that. Unfortunately. I also Know that this girl will not listen to her mother, and is not being careful with this at all. I know that if the mother tries to force a break-up, she will fight harder to be with this boy. I was stressing that point because; should she try to forct the break-up, these could be the potential Immediate results.

This 18 year old guy, needs to get his a$$ kicked for taking advantage of an under age girl.

Unfortunately this is a very difficult and touchy situation. And I really thin that this boy needs to be invited over to a sit-down with both of the young ladie's parents and explain to HIM what will happen if it continues. The daughter will rebel if they threaten her, I can see the boyfriend breaking up with her daughter if he's scared enough of going to jail.

[justcurious55]

He mother has already told this creep she didn't approve of the relationship and that it was a crime for him to have sex with her daughter. Should she keep doing this until her daughter comes home saying "mom, i'm pregnant."? Or maybe she should wait until her daughter comes home with herpes or aids or some other std. would that be enough warnings? Or how about this, the mother protects her daughter, gets a restraining order against this perv and the next time he wants to come around he gets arrested for violating it. If he doesn't get arrested before that for sleeping with a little girl...

[ohsohappy]

he mother has already told this creep she didn't approve of the relationship and that it was a crime for him to have sex with her daughter. should she keep doing this until her daughter comes home saying "mom, i'm pregnant."? or maybe she should wait until her daughter comes home with herpes or aids or some other std. would that be enough warnings? or how about this, the mother protects her daughter, gets a restraining order against this perv and the next time he wants to come around he gets arrested for violating it. if he doesn't get arrested before that for sleeping with a little girl...

I'm not saying this isn't important, I was just throwing out the other aspects of it too. I'm not saying everything else is invalid, just other possibilities. Trying to think from different angles. It helps to get other insight. If she's that worrie, she should call the cops on the guy. She can work on repairing her relationship with her daughter after he is in Jail. But the relationship between the mother and the daughter is important too. She shouldn't just give in to her daughter's wishes, but proceeding with caution could help preserve some of the relationship, even though that isn't the main issue right now, it could lead to other issues down the road. I was just throwing it out there.

[Alty]

Here's the bottom line everyone.

He's 18, an adult. She's 14, a child. It is illegal for them to have sex.

Will she be upset? Of course she will. Will she try to sneak out to do what she wants to do? Probably, didn't we all rebel? Will she get into trouble? Probably, she's a kid, they all do, we all did, that's life.

Here's the thing. It's her parents responsibility to do whatever they can to protect her, even from herself.

There's the fools way and the wise way of learning. If you learn from others mistakes then you're wise. If you learn from your own mistakes, because you refuse to listen to those that have been there, then you're a fool.

This girl is a fool, and she needs someone else to take control until she decides to be wise.

[justcurious55]

You know, when I was just a little older than this girl my aunt said there were guys I couldn't hang out with too. And I was angry. And I did my fair share of sneaking around. I was lucky, nothing terrible happened. But now that I'm older and, at least slightly wiser, I know why my aunt wouldn't let me go out with certain people. I'm glad for all the times she was strict and I couldn't get around her rules. There were plenty of times that I sat in my room angry and thinking I hated her. But those times aren't what stand out in my memory. It's all the positive things. I think of how much I've learned from her. How much she loves me. The fun things we would do instead of her letting me go hang out with some guy she knew was bad news. So yeah, this girl probably is going to be furious if her bother has her boyfriend arrested. So what. Her mother will be doing her job, protecting and loving her daughter the best that she can. And maybe this girl will never grow up, maybe she'll never move on, maybe she'll stay angry forever. I know a few people that are like that. But I know a whole lot more that get to a point where they can look back and realize how lucky they were to have someone there who cared enough and loved them enough to help them even when they couldn't see that they needed help.

[ScottGem]

I know that if the mother tries to force a break-up, she will fight harder to be with this boy.

She will have a hard time fighting to be with this boy if he's behind bars!!

[JudyKayTee]

Unfortunately this is a very difficult and touchy situation. And I really thin that this boy needs to be invited over to a sit-down with both of the young ladie's parents and explain to HIM what will happen if it continues. The daughter will rebel if they threaten her, I can see the boyfriend breaking up with her daughter if he's scared enough of going to jail.

Your answers seem to shift back and forth - at any rate, the mother has already talked to the boy. I see no point in continuing to explain the facts of life to him. He's also 18 - I don't see much point in explaining things to his parents.

He is breaking the law and this is considered rape. Break up with her? Put him in jail and then everybody's daughter is safe.

I would assume that at one time in her life the daughter thought playing in traffic was a good idea and her mother told her not to - this is the same situation. Different age, different rules, same philosophy.

And it's an entirely different subject (and I know the daughter would swear she's a "very mature 14 year old") but what the heck is an 18 year old, presumably out of high school, doing dating (let alone have sex with) a 14 year old?

Let's all see if we can figure out what he's getting from a 14-year old that he can't get from someone his own age.

[star2]

My daughter is 14 almost 15. She has a boyfriend that is 18 yrs old. Despite my protests i havent been able to keep her from seen him. She went to live with her dad for 6 months at the beggining of the year. She was not happy living with her dad and came back to live with me. I spoke with her boyfriend and told him that i was against their relationship and since i can't be with her 24 hours they would have to go by my terms. If Ihe has sex with her with her consent it was still a crime. I told her the same. Today I found out theyare having sex. I confronted her and she didnt deny it. I told her that it has emotional and health risks not to mention pregnancy. She is so mad at me and wants to go back to live with her dad. I hate to see her leave but i dont know what to do. If she stays she will find ways to see her boyfriend behind my back. What should I do?

:o
your her mum she should not have a say at this age were she lives if somthing is occering like this , your her mum you brought her up u looked after her. if shes under your roof then its your rules, you need to take control tell her whats wthat and whos boss, dont give up let her no how if she is not careful then i can reck her life and that you will not be there to pick up the pices every time somthing goes wrong.
good luck with every thing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:)xxxxxxxxxxxxx xx:Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[JudyKayTee]

:o
your her mum she should not have a say at this age were she lives if somthing is occering like this , your her mum you brought her up u looked after her. if shes under your roof then its your rules, you need to take control tell her whats wthat and whos boss, dont give up let her no how if she is not careful then i can reck her life and that you will not be there to pick up the pices every time somthing goes wrong.
good luck with every thing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:)xxxxxxxxxxxxx xx:Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is very difficult for me to read due to the color. I agree in theory but question the age of this person in light of the "xxx." Not a chat board.


{Mod Note: original post edited as this color is ridiculous. -<>}

[carlee611]

No matter what you can't keep her under lock and key and you are not going to be able to stop them. At least she is being open with you and not lying and doing it behind your back.

At least now you are going to have to accept it and maybe help her with things like contraception to avoid pregnancy and STI's.

At that age I don't think its right but they are going to do it whether its now or 10 years time!

[shazamataz]

no matter what you can't keep her under lock and key and you are not going to be able to stop them. atleast she is being open with you and not lying and doing it behind your back.

atleast now you are going to have to accept it and maybe help her with things like contraception to avoid pregnancy and STI's.

At that age i dont think its right but they are going to do it whether its now or 10 years time!!

In 10 years time she will be old enough.

I do not agree that the mother should just 'accept it'

Have you read the other replies, ScottGem has made some good points (!! )

[JudyKayTee]

In 10 years it won't be a crime.

So your opinion is that this mother should let the daughter do anything the daughter wants to do on the grounds that "she'll do it anyway"?

Does that include street drugs, drinking and driving?

[ScottGem]

no matter what you can't keep her under lock and key and you are not going to be able to stop them. atleast she is being open with you and not lying and doing it behind your back.

atleast now you are going to have to accept it and maybe help her with things like contraception to avoid pregnancy and STI's.

At that age i dont think its right but they are going to do it whether its now or 10 years time!!

Before responding to a thread, especially one with several pages of response, you should review those previous responses.

I'm not sure where you get that the daughter is being open. The OP said only that she found out they were having sex, not HOW she found out.

And, while its true she can't keep the daughter under lock and key she has a good chance of getting the boyfriend under lock and key. Or did you miss the many posts stating that he is committing statutory rape?

I'm sorry but you are not correct that the OP is going "to have to accept it". The OP has some options to prevent the "man" who is taking advantage of her daughter from continuing to do so. Those options have been detailed in previous posts to this thread. So your answer here should never have been posted.

[zippit]

zippit

[Alty]

this is a casr when an expert reply everyone jumps on board regardless..
people stick with what you know

What are you trying to say?

What are we supposed to know?