[GlindaofOz]

Well stop talking to the ex that's first.

As for his friend, if he never knew you I can't imagine he and your ex as best buddies. I've had ex boyfriends date girls I've known not close friends with and it never bothered me. It would only bug me if they chased after my best friends.

If you are only interested in being friends with this guy then I see no problem with it. If you guys have a bunch of stuff in common then why not hang out and become friends? You cannot let an ex's opinion control your life.

[clandestine1]

Well stop talking to the ex thats first.

As for his friend, if he never knew you I can't imagine he and your ex as best buddies. I've had ex boyfriends date girls I've known not close friends with and it never bothered me. It would only bug me if they chased after my best friends.

If you are only interested in being friends with this guy then I see no problem with it. If you guys have a bunch of stuff in common then why not hang out and become friends? You cannot let an ex's opinion control your life.

EXACTLY! Thank you, because that's what I was originally thinking.

As for not talking to the ex... I don't hate the guy, but he has a girlfriend... the same girlfriend he got with after everything that happened last summer. I have nothing against being civil, but his timing on this one was just... beyond bizarre. I've been online quite a few times even though I'm not on very often and he's never once IMed me. Then last night, boom! If its because things aren't going well with the girlfriend... I don't want to be the girl he talks to about it. There's entirely too much history between us, its just... hard. I was surprised he even asked how I'm doing because its been such a long time, and I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again. I was hurt, but I was in the acceptance phase that we'd probably never be on good terms.

[GlindaofOz]

I would tell him just that. Say look I don't mind being friendly but I'm not your dumping ground for the problems with your girlfriend. If you are having issues with her you need to talk to her about it not me. I'm not interested in getting involved and that's the end of that.

[clandestine1]

He hasn't started yet, but I've experienced those conversations with him in the past. He'll complain to me about how he can't get a decent girl, how no girls want him, and I stare at my computer screen thinking, "What the hell was I for a year?" but that's the taboo subject.

At this point, I've had so much time (6+ months) of NC... I'll just not sign online for awhile and collect my thoughts. You've read/replied to my previous posts, Glinda, and I've come a long way to turn around and go back to hanging on his every word. That and his girlfriend already came into my workplace once, didn't approach me, I acted like I didn't even know her, and that made me very uncomfortable. I have no intentions of being a cause of tension between them, though mutual friends say I already am. I'm not in that picture, hell I'm not even in the background of that picture. Until she's out of it completely... there's no grounds for conversation.. =/

[GlindaofOz]

And that's the right way to think. Good for you!

You are moving on with your life and I would get to know this guy who contacted you. What's the harm? There is nothing wrong with gaining one more friend and hey if something more comes from it great. I think you have a super healthy attitude.

[clandestine1]

and thats the right way to think. good for you!

you are moving on with your life and I would get to know this guy who contacted you. whats the harm? there is nothing wrong with gaining one more friend and hey if something more comes from it great. I think you have a super healthy attitude.

It took forever to get there... a combination of drilling all the lessons from this site and enotalone into my head, as well as my long-time psychologist who has always helped me see the other side to a situation.

My ex... when he got with his girlfriend, before they were serious, I told him I was still very much in love with him. Hell, at that point we'd been hanging out, casually hooking up for 6 months. Neither of us (to my knowledge) were seeing anyone else, and I thought we were going to reconcile. When I eventually brought up getting back together, he declined saying he'd never date the same person twice. I was confused because when we broke up he said he wasn't against us trying again and wouldn't shut the door on "us" because there was a lot that was good in our relationship. Another guy asked me on a date, because of my ex saying what he did I didn't see the harm in going on a date with another guy. My ex got jealous, then shoved his new girlfriend in my face. He was the one getting upset and jealous, AFTER HE was the one who said he didn't want to get back together? That's when I ended contact. He wanted us to keep talking, but he'd be cute with me, using our nicknames from when we were dating, I said that wasn't right for me or his girlfriend.

We stayed friends on Facebook... until I was trying to change my status to display nothing at all, and selected In a Relationship to make other guys back off because I took a long break from dating after that. I didn't realize my ex could still see my page, and at this point he'd been with his girlfriend for 3 months. After I changed mine, 2 days later he changed his from "Single" to "In a Relationship." Its like dealing with a middle school crush, a guy acting like he doesn't like you, but always teases you and whatnot. He used to send me lyrics, only fragments of a song, line by line, and they were all about the same thing: being in love with someone, trying to move on but you're still thinking of that "one", all these songs... I called him out on it and he said they were just songs, they didn't mean anything. Yet... he'd continue sending them... I still haven't a clue what I think about that... He's not an emotional guy, never has been, but I know I was one of the first people in his life to ever *and I quote* "treat him like a person." =/

I just... I need to keep my guard up because he's never sure of what he wants and I always pay for that in the end. I'll be damned if I haven't learned by now... Expect posts in the future if I hear from him again... and thank you for your imput as always, Glinda =)

[Ash123]

1) Say: Small world - too small... sorry

2) Or just apologize that you are now... "dating" -- that would stop the trail

3) Date him and let your Ex deal with it...

4) damn the internet for even creating these situations in the first place

[clandestine1]

1) Say: Small world - too small....sorry

2) Or just apologize that you are now..."dating" -- that would stop the trail

3) Date him and let your Ex deal with it....

4) damn the internet for even creating these situations in the first place

The most I'd do is talk to him, get to know him as a friend... the problem is... and this is where it gets screwy... I only knew he knew my ex because my ex and I used to be friends on Facebook and I recognized the default pic... Now... you can't very well explain that to a guy "Hi, I remembered your pic from looking at my ex's profile" lol... =/

[Ash123]

Hmmm, I think this sounds like too much internet... and incestuousness -
I'd just back away and tell him that you like to meet new people when you can,
But are occupied...

[clandestine1]

The guy sent me an e-mail opening the door for me to safely say, "Well, we have someone in common." by sending me a link to his myspace. One of his "top 8 friends" is my ex's best friend, who I've met so I can say, "Hey, I know of _____ too." If he asks how, I'll say, "I met him through a friend" if he asks which friend, I'll bring up my ex's name and hopefully, things will be all laid out right there. It sucks to finally be having a guy want to get to know me, only to learn... he's connected to my ex. =( Its even weirder to hear from my ex, but I have no intentions of initiating any communication with my ex. I did that last time, and it got me nowhere. This time, it has to come from him...

=/ Its just... sticky... Even still... I care about protecting my ex and his feelings, which is why I will be straight up with his friend... although... to look at the humor in the situation, I always told my ex I wanted to get to know his friends because they were an important component in his life. Guess he missed one!

[Ash123]

Make sure you only proceed into a real relationship if you really think it's worth it.

[nicespringgirl]

Ew... I think it'd be too much drama, I will leave him along.
There are many guys out there, so try to talk to others. I suggest you meet guys in real life instead of on internet. It's up to you though.
Well, I haven't seen Huno for a while, the last I saw him, he was rambling about the mouse who cooks.:D

[clandestine1]

If you've followed any of my other threads, I'm in need of advice on this one! I went NC after my ex got into a new relationship because I still had feelings for him and it was too hard to go on acting like everything was fine. I spent those 6 months hanging out with my friends, working, enjoying the summer, and getting over my ex.

So a few nights ago I was online and he IMs me out of nowhere "" and I took a good 10 minutes before responding. He wanted to know how I was doing, but we stayed on the subject of music. He started talking about his new job, but I kept it as far away from personal lives as possible because I wasn't ready to start talking about those things yet. I don't know what my best course of action is... Its a complicated situation, and I haven't a clue what's better at this point.

I haven't been online since, mainly because I've been at work or out with friends, and the last time I saw him was right before his birthday. I didn't acknowledge with a card/text as many on here advise not to, and hearing from him now... I'm not sure how I feel about it.


**Example of songs he'd send last summer so we're all on the same page:

-You're Going to Make Me Lonesome When You Go-Bob Dylan
-Visions of Johanna-Bob Dylan
-Tangled Up in Blue-Bob Dylan
-Its Just Another Day-Paul McCartney
-Grace is Gone-Dave Matthews Band
-Everything Changes-Staind

[rol]

I guess his new relationship has just broke up or he is uncertain about her and now he needs a reliable shoulder to talk to.

Don't be there for him.

Keep on your healing journey moving on.

[MayMsredrose]

Hi... I do agree with rol... or simply he want to find out how are you doing... what you did was right... even if you still love him and you want to go back to him... give it some time and do not accept him unless you are sure & he state frankly that he had broke up with his new girlfriend otherwise if you accept him back in this stage he will dump you soon because she is not sure what does he want...

You are strong... keep it up..

Take care,

Ms. Redrose

[clandestine1]

Before they were together, we were talking all the time/hooked up a few times/didn't just get together to hook up. We'd watch movies/TV, went out for coffee, would talk online...

We've been in each others lives for 3 yrs, dated 1 year tried staying friends for 2. I stopped talking to him when he got in a new relationship because at that point, he'd still use the nicknames we had while dating and if he was seeing someone new, I wasn't okay with being his friend. I wanted more, he said he didn't, I let him go. 6 months of focusing on myself, on work, on school, on friends.

I'm not sure what to do, and I don't feel comfortable bringing up the question "do you have a gf?" after not talking for 6 months. It feels intrusive... nor do I intend to be online because we live 2 blocks away, if he really wanted to talk about things he could walk over.

[clandestine1]

Okay... heres the update:

I talked to my ex's sister and she said he's not really friends with the guy from Yahoo, more like it was his best friends friend and that's how they met. Needless to say, we shared a laugh about how small a world it is and decided it was best for me to not pursue it at all. Moreover, she said her brother no longer talks to the guy, so that wouldn't be an issue but it was best to cut ties all together.

Then... the ex contacted me online, IM'ing me after 6 months of NC. Now... I don't know how I think/feel about that...

[GlindaofOz]

Just keep chugging online hun. He wants you to be his dumping ground and that is no longer a service offered by you, right?

[clandestine1]

Its not, but I don't hate him. We've been in each others lives for 3 years, it wasn't like we ever just... cut each other out. Its created a stir in my emotions, I guess and I don't want to admit that but it's the truth. I don't intend to go on until later this week because I'm only ever on every so often, but if he IMs me... I dread the part where I'm a b*tch and say, "I stopped talking to you b/c you had a gf and if thats still the case, I haven't changed my mind on that."

I know that to date I was the one girlfriend he looks back on and considers the one who treated him "like a person" but... unless he wants to make a legitimate effort to get back together, I don't want any part of it. However... saying that after 6 months looks like I haven't moved on and I'm still a puddle of emotions. I HAVE come a long way in those 6 months, and I don't know how to do this nicely. Being friends doesn't work, hooking up without commitment for me doesn't work, and he doesn't want to get back together. Acting like a couple without the title doesn't work for me either.. we've done all of those things in the past. I'm tired.

[GlindaofOz]

Which are all very good reasons to not talk to him. If he wants think that you are a witch then let him. You re doing what's best for you. You are the only one who matters. Too often women put others feelings before their own - that does not make anyone a witch it makes them someone who cares and loves themselves over others (which is the right thing to do). Its not about being selfish its about saying I love myself enough to know that this doesn't work and we don't work and I don't need to be pulled into someone else's drama.