[loveable]

So to start with I am 19 years old and I still live with my mum dad and my brother and the only reason I haven't moved out is because I don't have a lot of money and I just got in University so I don't work. My relationship with my mum was always shaky in the sense that I always thought that she liked my brother more than me. When I was younger she used to keep a pipe and hit me when I don't behave and I mentioned it about a year ago how she used to hurt me and she denied it and called a help agency telling them what I said and that it was not true and that I don't love her.

Sometime I thinks that I am mad but when I tell my friend he tells me that she is crazy. For example today she told me to wait till I am 21 to buy a car to have more money and then I told her that I got an interview at a hotel and she knows where it is and I asked her to take me when she could and show me where the hotel is so that I know which bus to take and stop there and she started yelling that I went there 3 years ago and she is not taking me again because I should know how to get there. Then I told her that she forgets a street that she has been in the day before let alone me a place which I have not been to in 3 years and she started yelling at me that I am the worst person in the world and that is why I don't have a boyfriend and will never get one because nobody wants me.

I feel REALLY bad about it because compared to today's kids I am quite good behaving... I never got drunk and I study to get good grades and go out like once every two or three weeks. She complains that people who are at university are stubborn and she says that her son is better ( he stopped school when he was 16). I don't know what the problem is as she says that she is really in pain with her back and legs and doctors says she has nothing medically... she does fight with my father sometimes for stupid reasons and I wonder how he is still with her but she picks on me far worse.

I don't know what I should do but this is seriously affecting my life and I am ending up in bed all day and end up crying a lot and not wanting to wake up and study or go out because I feel that other people are always better than me.

[talaniman]

Use your computer and get the correct buses to this job and save up to leave.

[0rphan]

Hi loveable, you sound like a lovely intelligent girl who will do well for her self in the future,it's just very sad that your home life is dragging you down... try not to let it,especially after your hard work and getting into university,you should be proud of yourself and quite honestly you mother should be also.

You don't say the age of your mum,I wondered if she was perhaps mid forties or there abouts.If this is the case it could be the menopause kicking in,sometimes women can have it much younger.This can cause all kinds of mood changes in some women where they will literally wipe the floor with- who ever- for the smallest reason.It's not your fault or anyone else's it's just hormones that need replacing at this time with maybe HRT theraphy.

If this isn't the case,perhaps she can see everything that you are doing i.e.. University,trying to make a success of your future, your young and have a wonderful promising life in front of you,maybe everything she once wished for! Perhaps she feels having bought the children up her job in life is done,your off to university etc... your brother has his life and your Father isn't really interested in her as much as he once was,could it be there is someone else in his life! Maybe she knows this and is taking her spite out on you? I'm just thinking of various angles here so forgive me if I overstep the mark.

I think you need to try and bite your tongue( yes it will be hard) spend some time together,maybe invite her for coffee, go to the shops,cinema,have a meal together, have a heart to heart get to know each other women to women after all you are 19.Ask her advice on thing or her opinion,tell her that you trust what she tells you,try and be her friend... it will take a while but eventually she will open up to you.Confide in her treat her as your mate.

I think maybe she feels her life is over,even so she should not be aloud to take this out on you, so don't let her.When she starts don't shout back just walk away,eventually after doing this several times she will get fed up.

If you can, go and speak to another family member about this, you need to off load and not bottle this up.Anyone who you feel will listen please do this it will help you.

You can come and speak to us at any time.

Takecare

[Wondergirl]

I also urge you to begin to make your own way in this world, and become self sufficient (you ARE 19!) so that you do not have to depend on your parents to take you places and do things for you that you can do for yourself. Just be sure you are not escalating the intensity of your mom's reactions by what you say and how you say it. If she is indeed in pain or has other physical/mental issues (real or imagined), your being a brat won't help the situation.

Staying in bed all day and crying certainly won't get you anywhere. How about going for a few sessions with a counselor so you can get past this stagnant phase and back into a productive life? Are there counselors in your part of the world?

[loveable]

Yes there are counsillers but if she finds out she will be frustrated I guess as even when I told her I was hurt by her when she used to hit me she denied it. She thinks I am the problem. And I want to get a car to be more independent but she is telling me I should wait till I am 21 to have more money and be mature (ps people my age get wasted every Saturday and she says I am not mature... )

[Wondergirl]

yes there are counsillers but if she finds out she will be frustrated I guess as even when I told her I was hurt by her when she used to hit me she denied it. She thinks I am the problem. And I want to get a car to be more independent but she is telling me I should wait till I am 21 to have more money and be mature (ps people my age get wasted every saturday and she says I am not mature...)

So what if she finds out about you seeing a counselor... let her be frustrated.

Do you get wasted every Saturday?

What do you do that is not mature?

[JudyKayTee]

You're an adult. Your mother won't "let" you buy a car? You need her to drive you to a place of business because you can't figure out how to get there?

I suspect you are immature or dependent.

Who is paying for your education?

You have had several other issues in your life (according to threads you have opened) and previous problems with your mohther - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-581364.html

Have you taken any of the advice that's been given to you?

[loveable]

No I do not get wasted every Saturday... I actually never got drunk and I do not go out every weekend either so that I study. She is still the same... spends the whole day shouting for example today I told her you left the cupboard open (calmly) and she told my dad she complained because I left the cupboard while she probably leaves her legs more open. What theeeeeee... I can't stand her anymore

[none12345]

My mother always get pissed too and sometimes for no reason. That's the way they are when they hit a certain age. The best advice I can give you is to just try to see things from her perspective and to move out when you can.

[N0help4u]

I think the best thing for you to do is to learn to be more independent so you don't end up in a confrontation by having to deal with her as much. For example, look it up on Google map and call the bus company. The more she sees you distancing yourself the more she will see she has less power over intimidating you. Yeah, she might be right that you shouldn't buy a car until you are 21. Do not discuss it with her any further. Wait until you have enough money for the car and the insurance before you even bring it up to her. Its best not to discuss your thoughts with her because she is the type to find a way to turn everything into a problem whether its against you personally or something you desire. So my advice is live as independent as possible to keep your sanity and keep her from gaining the upper hand.