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loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 01:44 PM

My boyfriend used to insult me and do unacceptable stuff to me and we have now broken off. But when I am telling my mum I got fed up with him, she is telling me wait he might be just stressed about something. I don't know what to tell her so that she can accept it! I mean I can't tell her how much he hit me or the insults he used to say because I don't know what she would do :( She would shout at me for not telling her before and stuff. Please tell me what I can tell her so that she accepts it and I can move on with my life :(

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 01:46 PM

Why do you have to explain and justify your breakup to your mother? Just flat out say, "I'm done with him" and speak no more about him.

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 02:00 PM

I've done that but she continues to ask why! And I don't want to tell her as if I do so the story will continue to grow and I just want this relationship to die :( I feel so exhausted about it

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 02:20 PM

When she asks, change the subject or just walk away.

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 02:24 PM

I've tried that. I've tried everything :( She says give him some time maybe he is stressed but it's officially over there is no time to give and I don't know how I am going to make her understand that

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 02:35 PM

Don't explain. Don't apologize. Just say, "Could be," smile, and walk away or change the subject or get busy with something.

DO NOT continue the conversation about him.

Why do you feel you owe her a constant conversation about this?

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 02:43 PM

Because she continues to ask and she told me wait till exams pass and she what happens from there. But I am not going to waste another 2 weeks! I have already wasted 6 months trying to figure out what's going on with him

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by loveable

Because she continues to ask and she told me wait till exams pass and she what happens from there. But I am not going to waste another 2 weeks! I have already wasted 6 months trying to figure out what's going on with him

When she asks, just smile and walk away. You do not have to answer any questions or carry on a conversation about this guy.

How old are you?

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 02:51 PM

I know :( 17

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 02:57 PM

Here is a rule to add to your other rules that will get you through life:

NEVER feel like you have to answer in a positive way or even at all when someone, anyone, asks you a question.

You see, girls are taught to be pleasers. You can say no or not answer or move past the question in a pleasant, non-confrontational way. When you've learned how to do that, you will be able to conquer many of life's problems. The hardest thing for a female is to say no or not be willing to go along with somebody on something. Like I said, we are taught to be pleasers. We don't have to be all the time.

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 03:04 PM

Mmm I know but she is so persistent like she asks if he is unhappy with me or if he said so and I don't want to tell her because she will tell me I have warned you and stuff like that. I really can't handle her accuses right now

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by loveable

Mmm I know but she is so persistent like she asks if he is unhappy with me or if he said so and I don't want to tell her because she will tell me I have warned you and stuff like that. I really can't handle her accuses right now

So don't tell her. You are only prolonging the agony if you aid and abet her nosiness. She is wrong to keep prying and hounding you, by the way.

Accusses? You mean accusations? So don't handle them. Leave the room. She will get the message. If you continue to allow her to do this, you are just as bad as she is, and I have no respect for either of you. You deserve what you get.

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 03:19 PM

Yes accusation sorry my bad. I leave the room but I can't stay in my room all the time. Today I think she asked like 4 times about him and each time I say whatever I don't want to hear, I'm fed up

talaniman · Jun 11, 2011, 03:31 PM

Have you ever asked her why she is so persistent about you being with this fellow??

loveable · Jun 11, 2011, 03:34 PM

No but I guess that she will say because she is my mum and has the right to know as I am still underage. But she is frustrating me and making my life difficult :(

Wondergirl · Jun 11, 2011, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by loveable

No but I guess that she will say because she is my mum and has the right to know as I am still underage. But she is frustrating me and making my life difficult :(

What she will know is that it's over. Amen.

talaniman · Jun 11, 2011, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by loveable

No but I guess that she will say because she is my mum and has the right to know as I am still underage. But she is frustrating me and making my life difficult :(

That's our job! ;)

Alty · Jun 11, 2011, 06:42 PM

She is your mom, but I find it a bit odd that she's harassing you about this guy, wanting you to give him a chance.

If you say it's over, that should be enough. Does she really like this guy? It sounds like she really wants this relationship to work.

The next time she asks about him I'd say "Mom, it's over, it will continue to be over, and I really don't want to talk about it. Can you please respect my decision and stop bugging me about it?"

Hopefully telling her that it's a done deal and none of her nagging is going to change anything, will work.

I'm glad you're sticking to your guns about the breakup. As a mom I'd want to know if my daughter, or son, were being hurt in a relationship, but it's your choice whether you tell her. Telling her would end all the questions though.

loveable · Jun 12, 2011, 03:52 AM

If I tell her that he used to hit me and insult me she would be really frustrated and she might call him and stuff and I don't want this thing to grow. I just want it to end as I am exhausted!

Alty · Jun 12, 2011, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by loveable

If I tell her that he used to hit me and insult me she would be really frustrated and she might call him and stuff and I don't want this thing to grow. I just want it to end as I am exhausted!

Wait...

He hit you, insulted you, and you're thinking about telling his friend, the girl, this?

Can you answer the questions I asked?