[KBC]

I wonder if anything got settled with this man and his girlfriend?

[a la king]

I'm not going to lie to you... that's some serious business. But the past is the past and people do all sorts of crazy stuff that can sometimes shape them into an amazing person for the future.

I would be PISSED if someone I cared wanted to break-up with me based on what I've done in the past.

How can you call your partner a "whore"? That's one of the worst things you can say about someone you care about.

I think this has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you. This is YOUR problem to get past - not hers.

[spyderglass]

I wonder if anything got settled with this man and his gf?

Yeah me too!

[marine12345]

An update: We're still seeing each other... I've decided to still see her... but not as serious as we were... I still think about the stuff every day (but don't mention it to her)... I'm trying to keep it less intense(casual) and see where it goes from there... And yes maybe in anger I should not have called here a whore. That was wrong! Although I was thinking it... it should never have come out... I still feel the emotions I felt before but I just try and hide it best I can...

I think 2 things may happen out of this:1) We'll drift apart and the break up will be easier OR 2) I'll get past this if she doesn't feed my suspicions(but this I doubt)
I was starting to loose control of myself previously... I feel stronger now. I am able to stay away from her(not easily but nevertheless). I also find her able to pull away , although she'll never admit it cos she thinks admitting it will admit to me that she is giving up.
So ultimately we keeping it casual.

Just a comment to the sceptics and feminists I was never looking for a virgin, but never imagined myself living with some one with her past... I never thought of it before, but maybe my values and principles that have guided me my whole life are stronger than any love. Maybe its how it all came out... Unlies a cloak of lies and that was uncovered.

I keep thinking of KBCs comments and regrets and thinking that I'm not learning but making the same mistake.

[marine12345]

I also realise that she still tells little lies which I let go because if I want to keep it casual I shouldn't get too involved in those sort of things.
Maybe she doesn't want to create more problems bytelling the truth... but I wonder where that leaves the trust... so I guess casual is right for now.

[Hamselv007]

Getting raped repeatedly will screw up you brain I would imagine, clearly messing up the rest of your life. Its likely the Obscene sex habits are the results of her childhood.

This comes down to what you want.

- Do you want to stay with her ?
Because you can get past it so its nothing more than a bad memory you think of from time to time.

[marine12345]

I realise a big part of the obscene sex life was part of a terrible childhood sexual relationship with her stepfather. This behaviour has carried on into her later years even until we met to some degree.

And you right it boils down to what I want to do. I know what I should do... but doing it is tough. Either way it will be tough.

My concern about about getting past it is when will that person resurface... the person that has high need forsexual excitement... greater than that of love and loyalty... when will she get bored of us like she has done with everyone of the other loves in her life and start sleeping with others?
She says it will never happen... but I'm mature enough to know when the novelty dies off she will look for excitement. My feeling are why should I wait for this to happen?

She has been with someone(that she loved dearly) for 10 years and during that time slept with other people up to and including the time when we met.

Casual is a safer bet and when it does happen will hopefully not be so painful

[Hamselv007]

*Quote:My feeling are why should I wait for this to happen?

She has been with someone(that she loved dearly) for 10 years and during that time slept with other people up to and including the time when we met.

You didn't include this in the original post, not to my knowledge anyway.
It seems to me that the true issue isent you being digusted over her actions, but the fear of her doing something like that again with other men while being engaged in a relation ship with you.

That also changes the issue you are having a great deal assuming I'm right.
If I am -
Then again its comes down to if you trust her enough.

You obviously care for her otherwise you wouldent seek guidance/counsil from askmehelpdesk.

Not knowing exactly how strong you feel for her I can tell you this.
Don't let fear stand in your way. It's a horrid emotion that serves no positive solution in my experience. You could also ask her to see a psychiatrist - if she agree's that would be a large step in the right direction to put your mind at ease, and healing hers.

But if you choose to end the relationship - point out your fear that you strong enough to handle such emotions that might come out of this relationship, should it turn bad.
Then I would suspect a sad break-up, but not an angry one.

On a final note I would never date one while knowing she cheated on her partners, because who's to say she wouldent do it to me also. But seeing as she might be mentally ill, and there's a chance its not in her nature do so.

[artlady]

Hay Marine,
Having followed this thread and your newer posts I think it is important for this woman to get some counseling.

If she feels compelled to cheat while in a long term relationship(10 yr.is a long time)then she is still falling into the same traps to heighten her self esteem.There may also be avoidance of intimacy issues. It sounds as if she has some very complicated issues to work out!

This behavior may never change unless she is willing to accept it and understand it.She really could benefit from counseling.

The ramifications of early sexual abuse are very far reaching and it appears she is still suffering the trauma of her abuse.

Best of luck!