Ask Me Help Desk - Why doesn't my boyfriend want to be intimate with me?

I met my boyfriend online April of 2009. I lived in California at the time and him in Michigan. He came out to California in November of last year hoping I would move in with him. I was in a bad environment and have health issues which make it unable to work and he wanted me to live with him and I agreed. We moved in together in November and he was so good to me and we seemed to be madly in love which was something I had given up on before him. We have only had sex 3 times and not since December of last year. I am so confused because after we had sex he could not stop trembling with pleasure but on the third time he had trouble keeping an erection and he explained that he has had that problem since before I came to live with him. He also said he got hard so much more now with me.

But he has not so much as touched me for 5 months now. When I talk to him he gets upset and tell me he does not know why we don't have sex that he loves me and wants to marry me. But as time has gone by he cuddles me less spends less time paying attention to me. He is always on his computer playing video games. I used to play then with him which is how we met but he ignores me most of the time.

I tried to explain how it hurts me and makes me feel so unattractive and unloved that there is no intimacy. He only kisses me with pecks on the mouth now. I love him so much but it hurts so much.

I have offered him blow jobs and massages and he turns them down and say thank you though and it makes me feel even worse.

I would appreciate your view on this matter

He seems uninterested to me. I hate to say that but he doesn't even want to try. (there may be a health issue but it doesn't strike me that way) You have only had sex 3 times since November and you live together... Online relationships are funny that way...

Wait did you say he lived in MI and moved to Cali? He could be seriously lost. I moved to Tenn and I grew to hate it with every fiber of my being. It left a horrible stigma for that state in my mind.

Ask him if he is home sick. That might be it. However I wouldn't rule out the possibility that he is starting another online relationship. I would watch closer and see what is going on. One thing is for sure though, he needs to discuss this with you like an adult instead of making you feel like crap for whatever his problem is.

Woow. Sounds to me like your honeymoon stage is now over. You two only new each other for a year, not physically and emotionally.

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He is always on his computer playing video games. I used to play then with him which is how we met but he ignores me most of the time.

To be honest with you he had never changed. He was that person even before you met him. That's the mistake people makes. When your in a new relationship they will put a mask that you will like, They will try to be the person you want them to be just to make you happy, but once they feel really comfortable around you, they take that mask off and you then see the true color of their skin. Sadly in your case you just saw it. He doesn't need to do anything anymore because you two are now leaving together and that's enough for him. He doesn't care about the sparks and all the intimacy things like you women longs for everyday. IF you love him accept him for who he is, and try to find your own way of intimacy. But if you want something more have a heart to heart talk with him, tell him how you feel about things and you need him to make you feel like a woman sometimes not everyday but some other days. And if he can't provide you with that then go and leave. Don't attack him just talk with a nice low voice.
THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION!!

Basically,you moved in with someone you only knew from an online relationship,and,call me oldfashioned,you don't really know a person until you have spent a considerable amount of time together,as in real dates etc.

You seen to have no open lines of communication going for you.

Unless you can sit down and discuss your problems,and its not only about physical closeness,this relationship is not going anywhere.

The others have given you excellent advice. To sum it up:

1) You did not know each other well enough before starting a relationship.

2) You definitely did not know each other well enough to move in together.

3) He was always like this, he just put in the effort to chase you, but now that he's got you, he's back to his old ways.

4) Sounds like he's very disinterested in building the relationship. He's more interested in stability. As long as you're in his life, that's enough for him.

If you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. Don't force yourself to stay in this relationship for the sake of the relationship. In other words, now that you know the "real him", can you handle it?

You've already told him how you feel and nothing seems to change. You can definitely try again, but if there's no change in his attitude, then you're just making yourself suffer by staying in this relationship.

Simply telling you that he loves you is definitely not enough to have a strong and healthy relationship. It takes compatibility, hard work, communucation, respect, passion, etc. If he can't provide anything except the occasional "I love you", then why are you still sticking around? Actions speak louder than words.

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I met my boyfriend online April of 2009. I lived in California at the time and him in Michigan. He came out to California in November of last year hoping I would move in with him. I was in a bad environment and have health issues which make it unable to work and he wanted me to live with him and I agreed. We moved in together in November

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.

If you cannot even talk about what bothers you, that's a big red flag and I think you tell him his communications skills don't allow you to know how to work with him.