What do cheaters deserve? I mean first-class cheaters who cheat on you emotionally in a long term relationship.when your relationship ends you realize that they have been cheating on you several months before the break up.during those months they kiss you,they say they love you and miss you while they are thinking for someone else.they let you make big plans (life plans)they take your gifts without hesitation.they take your love .then they start preparing the break up scenario.it consists in trying to catch you on a simple mistake and start a fatal argument.they try to end the relationship in their favour in order not to be guilty.so after they have cheated on you,and in the end they try to blame you for the reason things were going wrong.double mistake for them.finally they end the relationship in a phone call and when you are away from them.this is what happened to me after 3 years with that girl.but I wasn't so stupid to take the responsibilities of the break up.with putting some pressure on her she told me the real motives.after saying me the truth she still tried to protect herself saying "couldnt you realize that i was not the same person lately" .this is unfair at all. I would have buried this kind of people alive if I had that power.I ve always hated cheaters and one of them was so near me. So should they pass it so easy? I don't want to show immaturity with this question but that's what she left me, anger.dont say me to move on.thats what I'm doing.honestly-i don't want her back.

A bullet to the head. But that is not your concern. What you deserve is someone better, even if it's no one. You don't deserve someone in your life who treats somebody as good enough as you like she did. I understand that as a man it sucks to be emotional, but I can also tell you as someone who has been cheated on, I'm glad they did, so they could prove to me they weren't to my standards. Three years is a long time, but some people put up with cheaters there whole life, you don't have to. Now is the time to start turning your negative thoughts into positive ones. Every negative thought you get turn it around into something that benefits you.

hard to say what cheaters deserve... to wallow in misery, to eat their own s**t, to get instant karma...

Chuff: nice focus point! B/c it really is more important! what do YOU deserve... what your x did to you is horrible and it is a cruel thing to do to someone who loves you!! And I can understand that she left you feeling angry, and you will need to work through that anger! For sure!

But you should also focus on what you deserve... Bc you deserve a whole lot more then what she gave you!

And like chuff said... turn the negative around, like he just did. And focus on the positive and focus on you. And be glad that you got rid of her, she doesn't deserve you!!! that's a fact!

It has been more than 2 months that I went NC, since the day she told me the truth. I deleted everything I had from her except my memories.here comes another part.difficult to forget how much she hurt me.really hard now.the first days I looked like a zombie.lucky I'm far away from her now.I wouldn't like to see the eyes who loved me and than cheated on me.what I miss now is my family and my friends.they would have helped me so much.you are helping me so much too and a special thanks goes to KcTiger. Every time I call my mother and listen to her voice I feel completely relaxed and my moral goes up.I feel sad I neglected my mom's opinions and listened to my heart.see what happened to me.a good lesson.no one is closer to you more than your own blood.they will love you forever whatever you do, whoever you are.you see.ill be careful next time.now I just have to deal with this anger till it goes.and finally free. At least hope so.if something new doesn't come around.again.

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

I dont want to show immaturity with this question but thats what she left me, anger.

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I've posted this before but seems apt here...


If you read a lot of the literature on various websites etc. they generally come up with 5 stages that go like this...

The Five Stages of a Break Up

Denial:
"I feel fine, we still love each other." “She is still my best friend.” “We will always be in each others' lives.”

Anger:
"It's not fair!?" "I was always there for her and she was never there for me!" “That !” “That !” “She sucked in bed!” “ I couldn't stand her friends anyway.”

Bargaining:
"If we just go to therapy it will get better." "I promise to visit your parents this Christmas.” “Just give it another chance.”

Depression:
"I can't stop crying." "I want to die.” “I will never date again.””I'm going to die alone…” “I'm unlovable.”


Acceptance:
"We are better off, not together." ”I am content and happy with myself.” "I welcome a new start."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chuff

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

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I used to workout in gym before the break up.and these 2 months NC I ve been killing my muscles until a guy at the gym said me "you are burning them".I must admit that gym helps a lot but still there must be a secret to handle the situation I'm through.and this secret is in my mind.im looking for it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chuff

Get a gym membership and push yourself in the gym. It's a great place to release anger.

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I used to workout in gym before the break up.and these 2 months NC I ve been killing my muscles until a guy at the gym said me "you are burning them".I must admit that gym helps a lot but still there must be a secret to handle the situation I'm through.and this secret is in my mind.im looking for it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

I've posted this before but seems apt here..............


If you read a lot of the literature on various websites etc. they generally come up with 5 stages that go like this............

The Five Stages of a Break Up

Denial:
"I feel fine, we still love each other." She is still my best friend. We will always be in each others' lives.

Anger:
"It's not fair!?" "I was always there for her and she was never there for me!" That ! That ! She sucked in bed!  I couldnt stand her friends anyway.

Bargaining:
"If we just go to therapy it will get better." "I promise to visit your parents this Christmas. Just give it another chance.

Depression:
"I cant stop crying." "I want to die. I will never date again.Im going to die alone Im unlovable.


Acceptance:
"We are better off, not together." I am content and happy with myself. "I welcome a new start."

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So I'm waiting for acceptance as I see.I hope so.reading your description of the anger stage makes me agree that she really sucked in bed.I m not saying it from anger but that's true.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

So im waiting for acceptance as i see.i hope so.

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You'll get there believe me , just takes time I'm afraid.

It's not only girls that do this I'm afraid. Try 3 yrs. Of marriage, where your husband/wife cheated on you with a stripper, divorced you and married her. Then a 9 yr. relationship with a man or woman that cheated with more women that you can count, and you, although not stupid, and did your "homework," come to find out the cheating has been happening all along while at work and bringing home the paycheque. And to put the icing on the cake, the 6 yr. relationship where the man was disgusted with the previous men, and promised he would make up for the previous men, and never disrespect our relationship. Only to find out he was no different than man #1 or #2, and come home to find him in my own bed with another woman, while I had just taken the kids (his kids) to school.

Now, the only reason I've told you this is to show you that you don't have to let it control your thoughts. You will get over it, and you do deserve better. It will hurt like hell for awhile, but it WILL lessen, and you will be able to get on with your life.

I didn't tell you this to make you leary of a new relationship. There are some good people who have the same morals and values as you. I'm not sure of your age, but you can, and likely will, be happy with someone else, and the other girl will be a distant memory to you. The memories will stay, the awful feeling will subside. After some time has gone by, you may still have a few good memories, but you will recognise that the bad outweighed the good. It's only a matter of time.

Wow, your situation is like identical to what had happened to me 2 months ago. Only difference was she did it over a text message and she never told me her real motive. I found that out when she had moved in with the guy 2 weeks after the text breakup on our 3rd year anniversary after just knowing the guy for about a month and a half.

As for your question, I can tell you what they don't deserve. They don't deserve your affection, your time, your respect, your attention, your compassion, and your tears. She doesn't deserve you. I understand your anger and frustration, believe me I understand. However, if you are able to love and accept reality, you will become a much better person for it. Please read through my sticky in the forum and I hope you can add to it when all this is behind you and you've become a better and stronger man. Good luck.

I agree with Starbuck, time is the lifeline. Our hearts and minds are marvelous things, they mend, but it takes time.

The steps that you take now to get where you want to be aren't always easy. But as time passes and you look back your emotions will have cleared away and you will be wiser and you will have learned a few things about yourself. You will find that you are also stronger than you thought you were.

Really loving someone is not an easy task. You have to open up, drop your defenses and trust. After someone has betrayed that trust and love you are shattered.

I was married for 18 years to a woman that I adored and we had two children. Believe it or not, over the last two years of that marriage she cheated many times, she left, I took her back, she left, I took her back... too many times.

She was gorgeous and she always needed confirmation that she was, I thought I gave it to her... she found it outside our marriage. Call me a fool, I had my reasons, I came from a broken family AND I did not want my children to have to experience what I went through.

The day that I told her that she could not come home anymore she went hysterical. "It is me, I am 'sick' emotionally, you are a good husband and a good father...what is wrong with me?" It was one of the most difficult days of my life but the dye was cast, no turning back. In three days, she was set up with the same guy, 600 miles away in Dallas, Texas...

I will leave you with something that I was told by a good friend at that time: When someone decides to leave you (or cheats) they have prepared themselves emotionally for it, justified it in their own minds, and probably even set a time table. You take it between the eyes, and then you have to deal with it. You do, you work yourself through it (and you will also). And you get "better" and you move forward with your life. But there is some justice my friend, almost always the person who made the decision to cheat or leave WILL at some point have much more to deal with over the years; guilt. And a very important question; "did I make the right decision?"... and that will bug them continually. Every time that she/he has an argument with the current guy she will be thinking about this for a long time to come.

You see, you won't be asking yourself that question. You were not the cheater and you have already cleansed yourself of all those emotions.

I wish you good luck, I know that you will be fine. Sorry this was longer than I intended it to be.

Stringer

Strung up from the highest tree...


You have great advice so far, in time the anger will subside and you will be far better

Cheaters deserve NOTHING

Its best put simply.

Yep I so damm agree- cheaters deserve NOTHING at all (and I am not trying to be mean).

She doesn't deserve all the time and anguish you are giving her by not moving ahead. She did you wrong, no doubt, but you are still giving her power over you.

Living well (and I mean in your head) is the best revenge.

Being cheated on does suck, it made me feel like an idiot. But what I did learn is that people don't just cheat out of the blue, there's always a not-so-subtle sign or cause.

Cheaters get what they deserve. They're reputation and pride are destroyed, and they usually suffer in a series of bad and failed relationships. Rarely do they find happiness.

Of all the cheaters I've known, guys and girls, they all thought they were ugly, too fat, something stupid like that. My ex was like this. The second I sense that a woman isn't okay with her image, all consideration of beginning a serious relationship is out the window. Can't respect someone if they don't respect themselves.

All cheaters have this trait in common, look for it and you'll spot 'em before they can do any damage.

I don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater, everyone can get up when the fall. People can learn to respect themselves, but it's hard to do so in a relationship in which cheaters often are, I've never known a cheater to be single for more than five months.

I can tell you what they don't deserve:

1. Your tears
2. Your heart
3. Your feelings of sadness

Don't give 'em anything, cause in the end, they deserve nothing. Karma makes its way around, believe that. Now, you are free to live a life "cheat" free so to speak...

like some of the others have said. I'm actually a firm believer in that whole karma thing... not because its so magical, but more because the cheater in itself has to live with themselves after. And maybe the cheater doesn't have a conscious, or doesn't feel bad... but what comes around goes around.

Your x will have to live with herself, she will have to live with the decisions she's made, and the life she pissed away.

And its hard to say what a person like her deserves, but far easier to say what she doesn't deserve...