Trouble forgetting my girlfriends past
Hi everyone,
I was wondering if any of you could help me out a bit. I've been with my girlfriend nearly 4 months now, and up until about 5 weeks ago, it was going amazing.
Let me just tell you that we live away from each other at the moment, as we met over the internet, but we see each other every weekend and text everyday.
But on a Wednesday night a few weeks back, she went out with a couple of friends to a club for a drink and a dance. I was completely fine with that. A bit later on that night, she sent me a message, saying that some guy there was giving her some trouble, and was coming onto her. Naturally I was really worried and stressed about it. She sent me another text message later on that night saying that the guy had been sorted out, and that her friends were now looking out for her. I felt a bit better about it. The next day she sent me a message, telling me exactly what happened. Basically, she was sitting chatting with her friends, and they were all having a drink. A bit later, her friends got up to have a dance, but she decided to stay sat down, and some guy was eyeing her up and started to move in on her. Long story short, she kept pushing him away and trying to get away from him, but he didn't stop and he kept trying to "feel her up". She eventually managed to get away and run off to the bathroom, where one of her friends found her crying. She told her friends and after that they all stayed with her.
All this made me furious at first, not with her, but with the situation in general. It was so frustrating, I cried about it quite a few times. We chatted about it and talked it through and we were both upset about it. I told her my feelings about it, and she was totally fine about them.
Anyway, a couple of days later, and it was still playing on my mind, and we got onto the subject of ex's and things like that. She emailed me while I was at work, telling me all about her past.
Now this is the bit that I found, and still do, find hard to accept and move on from. She said that she had been going out with a guy when she was 19 (she's 26 now) and that lasted for a year, and then she met another guy after that ended, but it was only a fling. Then she was with a guy for 4 years, but that ended because he didn't care much for her, leaving her feeling crap and really bad about herself. She admitted that she had been out to clubs while she was with this guy and flirted with other guys in clubs, but only because she wanted to be loved and wanted some attention, because she wasn't getting any from her boyfriend. They split up soon after, and she began to look on internet dating sites. In a space of a year and a half, she went on dates with around 50 guys, although only a handful went any further than one date. She told me that she was desperate to find someone who would like her and treat her good, which I can understand.
However, the thing that I find hard to stomach is that she had a couple of flings in that year and a half time, with both guys she'd met on the internet, and guys she'd met in clubs or pubs (she worked behind the bar in a pub for a while). She also told me that she had 2 short relationships, but the longest they lasted was 3 months, if that.
I know she loves me so much, and I love her so much too, because we have both talked about things like this together, so we both know how each other feels, we always get things out into the open and discuss them.
I realise everyone has history, and it should stay in the past where it belongs, but sometimes when it pops into my mind briefly, its hard to get rid of the thought. I know that it may be because its still quite fresh in my mind, as its only a few weeks ago that I was told all this, and I've noticed that it is fading away gradually, but I just want to help it along the way and put it aside.
When we are together, it very rarely enters my mind, and when it does, it only lasts for a few minutes, and then disappears, but when we're apart, I find myself thinking about it more.
I want to forget it and move on into the future with her, and I know its something I have to work out for myself, but does anyone have any advice to help me along the way? Anyone been in a similar situation to me?
Thanks everyone!