So, today I found out some stuff about my girlfriend that kind of hit me pretty hard. After my girlfriend and I had been dating for a little while, she asked me why I still had my "hotornot" account still active. I told her that I just hadn't got around to deleting it. She said that she had already deleted hers, and she thought it was pretty weird that I had mine still. So, I logged in and saw that she did in fact delete hers. I deleted mine as well, as I had no use for it. Well, I ended up finding that she has since re activated her "hotornot" account and didn't even let me know. Not only that, but I found out that she is talking to her ex boyfriend when we are not together. I found this out because she had paid her cell bill on my comp once, and never signed out. I saw that she has been texting him, as well as talking to him for long periods sometimes for over an hour! She of course fails to mention this also, and it looks like all of the calls/texts are happening when we are not together. The thing is that she acts like my girlfriend and everything i.e. very affectionate, telling me that I'm great and that I'm cute. It seems as though she is happy to be with me. I don't even know how I feel right now cause I'm kind of shocked. I'm not sure what to do. I want to break up with her because I don't feel as though its fair for me, as well as the fact that trust is coming into play. Any advice on how I should handle this situation?

Don't jump to conslusions yet. I know, that's like asking the impossible right now. Lol

But before you make up your mind to dump her, try talking to her about it. A lot of the time, when I'm talking to my ex, its actually because we're good friends now and I need his advice on something. And sometimes I will bug the crap out of him for an hour. Lol he hates it when I ask for advice with w/e new guy I'm seeing, but he still helps me if I need it. So its not fair to assume she's doing anything wrong until you've talked to her. Then you have to take things from there.

I'd say don't jump to conclusions either... but trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. My opinion is that if you are unable to trust someone, you shouldn't be with them.

What does she say about it?

Talk to her.

What's a relationship without communication?

Hmm... talking to the ex, in my opinion, is a red flag... unless they've been broken up for a long time and have since reconciled as friends.

The reactivation of the hotornot account + talking to the ex screams "needs attention"... perhaps she needs attention from people to confirm that she's attractive and wanted. I'd talk to the woman. Lay it out there. If she explains it, great. If she gets extremely defensive, well... there's your answer.

Thanks for all of the advice guys! So, I invited my girlfriend over last night because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I told her that I knew about the hotornot account, and she said sha accidentally did it when she was trying to check and see if I had re activated mine. Because that was the smaller of the two issues, I accepted her explanation. I then proceeded to ask her if she was being completely honest with me about everything, and she said no. I asked what she was being dishonest about (even though I already knew) and she said that she had been talking with her ex. I asked her why and she said that she had text him once just to see how he was doing and they started talking from there. SHe said that she is confused because she wants to be with me, but she thinks she may still have feelings for him, but is unsure. She said that she truly wants to be with me, but this is in the way. I thought about it for a bit, and I decided to end it with her for the time being. I mean, I didn't want to wait around, and have it end up with her leaving me and being with him. I did because I care about her so much, that it hurt to be with her because of what was going on. I just feel like if I don't talk to her and leave it alone, she may realize that she wants to be with me? I don't know if I did the right thing or not? On the one hand, I don't want to be hurt, but on the other I want her to know that I want to be with her so much. I just need some really great advice on my situation.

I think what you did was the best move. This way she has time to herself to figure out what she wants and you do not set yourself up for disaster down the road. My advice to you is keep you head held high and not to burn any bridges.

At least this way, you took control of the situation. If you didn't in about a week or two, you would have ended up on this site again saying MY EX WANTED SOME SPACE... WHAT DO I DO?

I think what you did was right. It is good to give her space to decide what she wants. Just be up front about it. Tell her, "Hey, I love you and care about you. I understand that you need time. I just want you to know that I am here for you."
That way she knows where you stand.

Sorry that you guys broke up!

Bravo to you for following through with what you think is right! You've got a good head on your shoulders!

I appreciate all of your support! Just another question. Do you think it would be advisable to do no contact with her? Or should I stay in contact to let her know that I still care about her? I'm not sure how to go about it as Im usually the one who has been broken up with!. lol I still want to be with her, but I feel as though I can't as long as her ex is in the picture. I'm not sur what she is feeling right now, and its really confusing to me. I know that they have not seen each other or anything, but they have juist been talking. Could it be that she just got sucked into the past? Maybe thinking of old feelings? Ahhhh, its so tough guys!

I know how tough it can be, and confusing, and you should take time, and space, to sort out your own feelings, before you worry about hers. Not to be harsh, but I am curious, why are you letting her treat you this way? Please don't say love, cause this ain't it. You deserve more.

I know I should be focusing on myself at this point. I guess that's part of the reason I made the decision to break up with her? I do have strong feelings for her, and when we're together its amazing. I'm not in love with her by a long shot. I would say that she had the potential for me to fall in love with her though. I'm not sure why I am letting her do this to me. I think I'd only be letting her do "something" to me if I gave in and called her, right? I'm just torn between wanting to call her, and fight for her, and not calling her. I know she has feelings for me, cause she shows me all of the time when we're together. She tells me all of the time how great I am. She even said that she does want to be with me, but that she is just really confused about everything. I just don't understand what it is that is confusing her.

That's why its so important to back up, and stop the confusion.

I guess I'm just afraid to back off too much. I mean, I don't want to just throw in the towel and basically tell her that I don't care if she gets back with her ex. I feel like she needs to know how much I care about being with her.

Every lasting relationship that is healthy has both sides chasing each other to some degree.

She doesn't know how she feels... OK... that's reasonable, or at least reality.

NC is about two things, making you feel what its like without the other person, and making the other person feel what its like without you. It isn't about a method of breaking up or gettng back together. Its about reality.

So... she's exploring an old relationship knowing it might sacrifice yours. Her call. Her decision. At this point, a "maybe i want to be with him" is "i dont want to be with you"...

She's not with you as long as she's exploring. And I can't even tell you that she should or shouldn't be with you. Don't know enough.

So as much as it sucks... best you can do is tell her you care about her, you think you'd like to be with her, and that she has a small time in which to decide you are worth chasing... and if she isn't willing to chase you down, she really isn't in it.

Reality is hard sometimes, but its better to live there than not. You can deal with the truth. You can get past this or move on, with or without her.

Just don't make it too convenient. If she needs to figure things out, OK. You are not her girlfriend. You are not her emotional butler. Don't be the shoulder she uses to get over you.

You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be angry. But you don't need to make it easy for her to walk away.

Tell her you care, tell her you are interested if she is all in, but outside of that you are stepping way back.

If in your absence she decides to leave for good... well, then she was half out the door anyway.

Sounds like you did the right thing.

SO, my ex contacted me last night and we had a conversation via text message. I asked her how she is doing, and told her that I missed her. Keep in mind, its only been about 2 days since we last saw each other. I told her that I didn't want to break up, but I didn't know what else to do. I told her that it is eating me up, and it seemed like the best thing for me. She said that she knows that I don't want to break up. She said that she just needs time. I told her that its hard because I feel like I'm the one that will lose in the end rgardless of how much I try. I asked her if she just wanted me to give up, and she said no. She told me to have a little faith and that she really cares about me, and there is no doubt about it, and that it hurts her too. She just told me that she just needs a break and time to think. It's so confusing for me, and I'm having a really hard time with it, as I think about her all of the time. I try and occupy my time, and do things to take my mnd off her, but it doesn't help. If you refer to my original post, I am just really afraid that she is taking this time away form me, and is still talking with her ex. I feel like if I don't contact her, then I am just handing her over to him. At the same time, I want to keep my distance so she could possibly see what I mean to her. I don't want to lose her, but its killing me. I checked her myspace last night while I was on there talking to a buddy of mine, and it still says that she is in a relationship, and she still has all of our pictures up. What am I supposed to do? You have all given me really great advice, and I'm sorry if I'm not catching on. I just really want to be with her, and I am really confused and lost.

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I'm not in love with her by a long shot. I would say that she had the potential for me to fall in love with

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You sure have a lot of emotional investment for someone that is only a potential love, but that in itself speaks volumes on the level of denial your in and why your handling this so badly. In a nut shell she is confused or not honest enough to make you understand you need to let go. Your confusion is you don't understand how she feels and are holding on to something that has died or is dying (denial). She says she needs space but your afraid to let go, but have no clue as to how to get what you have lost back. Dude ACCEPT that she is GONE, and LET GO, by NOT CONTACTING her at all. Not only will the confusion stop, but you will be able to move on. The lesson to learn, HOW TO COPE with loss, and rejection. Reread your own thread, and click the links in my signature, it will help reinforce what you are refusing to do!

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I feel like if I don't contact her, then I am just handing her over to him.

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That's up to her and her alone. She is not your property to have, or hand over.

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At the same time, I want to keep my distance so she could possibly see what I mean to her.

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Well she sure can't miss you if your begging her all the time, can she? No Contact can change that right now.

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I don't want to lose her,

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Not up to you. Stop running head first into a brick wall and learn we can 't always have what we want. That's life, now get it in gear.