Its my turn to write now.Should I see her to get my things back?
So, first of all, thanks a LOT to all of you guys who answer questions here. You have saved me from getting into a black hole these last months. My ex dumped me in February 2009 (apparently the month everybody has been dumped lately... makes me wonder... ) and since then I have had the worse time of my life. The only thing that helped me out of it was this forum. I didnīt really write cause I found all my questions answered in other posts, so I felt it unnecessary. But now I have reached a point where I really need some help.
So, Iīll do a little background, very resumed...
Met this girl 2 years ago... super hot, smart, amazing, I liked her from the beginning, but she had boyfriend (who was a loser... she said that). After a year, planets aligned and I started dating her. It was AMAZING... one of the nicest stories we both had ever had (Im 26, she is 23). Im from Europe so whe visited my family twice, in summer and in Christmas. It was pretty serious. (I will save you the obvious lovely life stories which I so much miss right now).
Around December ī08... fights start to appear... any reason would start a fight. Communication started to fail... she became depressed... we were still together, but the "honey moon phase" passed and all her flaws started to become more evident (so did mine, of course). She went to bed at 9... I went to bed at midnight... different schedules... she worked from 9 to 5... im freelance... I like to party and have fun.. she likes to stay home... it started getting difficult. We had to do things HER way always, and Im very stubborn (so is she... ) but I anyway let her "win" usually, since one of the two had to do it for mutual benefit. Yes, we basically were very different, but we loved each other a lot. She has had a very difficult childhood.. dad married 3 times, never had a mum... raised by her dad... sheīs not very normal and she has problems with social relationships.. she is very shy... as soon as a problem appears she shuts up and avoids the problem... totally against the way I am.. I like to talk everything and have a good communication. She definitely has a lot of issues, more than normal... but I loved her A LOT... (I probably still do... )
So, come February 09, after having a great Christmas in my country with my family, and only 2 fights... we didn't see each other for a week or so, and I spent a night with her. All good. Next morning it all started being weird... no one talked... something was wrong. I started talking and we were not happy with the way it was going. We accepted to take a week alone to think about stuff. I took that week to think, and realise how much I loved her and how bad I f-ed up in the last months (I had taken her for granted, and stopped doing all she wanted, basically cause I was tired of always doing it her way.. ). She thought about it and she loved me a lot, but he thought we were not compatible.. we were too different, and it wasn't working... and it was best to leave it now than to wait longer, prolongue the pain... etc... basically a breakup... I didn't like this so I freaked out. She although said we needed time, and that maybe after some time we could start again with a clean slate (I know, this is always a lie, but she said it). I had to leave town for work for 3 weeks, and in those days, since she didn't contact me at all, I freaked out, and F-ED UP even MORE:.. started sending her emails, texts... yes.. I know, I suck, that's NOT the way to go... but I couldn't avoid doing it. I wanted her with me, and when I want something I canīt just accept the NOs.
So, biased by the opinion of 347 guys/gals I talked with I started to NC her, but then break NC to text her when I was sad... making it worse... Ater 3 months she said she was giving up, and that it was over. We had a lot of arguments in this time due to me not being patient at all... and I ended up pushing her away unintentionally. I screwed up so bad... but I did so because I always thought I deserved a second chance.. I ed up, but we are human... I deserved one more try with her... I couldn't get it (of course I learned a lot from all of this... but all I learned I wanted to apply it with her.. not with the next girl that comes... ), and that made me really mad. She started ignoring me.. blowing me off... I became SUPER depressed... I still have horrible days, although Im most of the time better, but yeah, after 5 months almost, I still miss her and want her with me, although I know its impossible. Yes, you might say I need to move on, and I have really tried, but she just keeps reappearing in my life by some reason or another. Her sisters wedding was a few weeks ago (I was invited, but of course after the breakup I wasnīt invited anymore... ), and I had a really bad time with myself for not going to that wedding (it kind of meant a lot to me, don't know why).
Not that it matters... but all our common friends say that she doesn't deserve me being good with her after the way she has treated me lately... that she has acted wrong and I have tried everything, and I canīt do anything else... she sucks, basically... hehe. I was very close to her family... and after the breakup... like if I didn't exist... I understand it.. but still SUCKS!
Last thing is that she texted me a couple of days ago to see how I was doing and to see if we could meet up to give her some things I have of hers, and so she could give me back my things.
So this is my question. What should I do? (Iīm in total NC mode for at least 3 weeks since the wedding when I wished good luck to the couple, not to her... ).
a) say: Yea, no problem.. see her, get my stuff, say take care and leave... (act like if nothing hppened and I didn't care anymore... )
b) blow her off the same way she has done lately to me ("im busy this week, maybe next week..").
I really don't want to see her cause I know I'm going to go back in my healing process, and I know that the moment I give her her stuff, and she gives me mine.. its going to be 150% over... which I have assumed, but I kind of would like to leave that for the future where Im not as affected as I still am.
Thanks so much for reading (sorry for the length) and Iīm looking forward to hearing your advice :)