Ask Me Help Desk - How can I forget him and move on?

First of all, whatever help you need isn't going to come from contacting an old flame despite being engaged to someone else. Nor is it going to come from your fiancé. Ultimately the only person that can make you happy is you . You may need some professional help along the way to accomplish that and there's nothing wrong with admitting that. Your first move should be to consult with your physician about the possibility that you may be suffering from clinical depression or similar disorder. Many of these can be treated with medications and enable you to live a normal life. (S)he may also refer you to a psychiatrist for further testing and/or treatment. If medical tests reveal no bio-chemical abnormalities and your negative feelings still persist, then you should consult with a therapist to address whatever emotional issues are keeping you down in the dumps. At any rate, the company you keep will have no impact whatsoever, positive or negative.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bella05

Hi all,

i am in a very difficult situation and need your help and advices.
I have dumped someone for 1 1/2 year and now live with my fiance. I meet both at the same time and my fiance was more lovely and very affectionate. That's why i choose him over the other man,who at that time lived in another city and our relationship was not deep enough ( long distance relashionship ).
Vor 6 months, out of a blue i started thinking about him very strongly. After finding his phone number, i gave him a call. He was first little upset and then he was so sweet and we spoke 2 hours on the phone.
Since then i think of him every single minute and don't sleep well. Last night, he was in my dreams. This go on since 5 months . In the beginning, i always say to myself, it will go away and have try so hard to forget him but i just can't.
My fiance is a good man and he try his best to make me happy but i have this emptiness and i am always depressed.Even with the sleeping pill ( Trazodone ) i don't sleep well.

How can i help myself ?????

Welcome to the forum. What did you get this drug prescribed for? I just read on some of the side-effects of Trazodone and one of them is insonmia (sleeplessness) and also decrease in libido in women. Natually you'll think of a lot of things when you can't sleep and/or are no longer sexually happy, no matter with whom. So, this could be due to the medication you are taking which is usually prescribed for depression, not to help you 'sleep'. Have you been diagnosed as being depressed and why you are so at such a young age. There is usually a reason for depression which only therapy can help you find out. Please check with your doctor again and see if there is not a better treatment for you. Sometimes the 'cure' can be worse than the 'cause' and there are a few doctors that are too busy to get to the root of a symptom, or the patient is not telling him everything he/she needs to make the right diagnosis in the first place. You can help yourself by getting your balance on life back, and should do this befoe you make any major choices on any relationship. Talk to your fiancé about your doubts and get support from him. Share it with him, and if he's is worth it, he will understand and help you get through this current problem. Making a choice to go to your ex-boyfriend right now would be on the 'rebound' and would probably not work out. Don't go through this alone, that's what fiancés and husbands are for, to share the good and the bad at any time of need for you to lean on. I wish you lots of luck getting over this stage of 'depression' and finding out the reasons with a lot of help.

Take care and keep us posted.

Hi,
I agree with the post concerning getting some Professional help. If you really are depressed all the time, see your doctor. He/she will be able to guide you to further help. This can be overcome. Depression is a normal condition for many people now, but does require working with a professional.
Please tell you doctor about it, and ask for a referral.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bella05

Thank you guys so much for your support. It means a lot for me.
At the moment i don't have any health insurance :rolleyes: to seek profesional help. I will have one next year and until then i just keep praying and sleep( if i can so i don't have to think about my problems ).
I buy pills over the counter but it doesn't help much. Life is unfair and not worth living but i just keep praying for things to change.

Thank you all.

Dear balla. DON'T ever get over the counter anti-depressant pills. They are addictive and dangerous. Outside of that, the meds you are taking, need to be prescribed by a doctor, so who gave them to you? If you got them from a pharmacist, he can get into trouble if he cannot prove that he received a prescription from a professional first.
If you do need sleep and can't exercise or work enough to make you sleep normally, try Melatonin, this is a type that the body normally produces itself, but some people mess up their bodies so much that it can no longer produce it.
Diet pills, anti-depressants, and pain-killers that are taken on your own without professional advice is very dangerous because of the side-effects and mental changes it makes you go through. You could also check on your diet, eat the right foods, and check on some vitamins that will bring your body back to normal balance, because it sounds like you are really in need to 'fix' it.
If you try to stop the anti-depressants all at once, it will not make you feel good at all, as these types of meds need to be tapered off, by smaller doses, i.e.. Half for one week, a fourth for the second week, and then you can stop them. But cold 'turkey' on them is dangerous. Please stop 'treating yourself' and seek advice from a nurse or someone in the medical field, if you have no insurance, and start taking better care of yourself.
Also, again tell your fiancé as he will be going through this with you and needs to understand what is going on. And talking about your problems with him might be the best for the both of you. You don't want to go on further with him with this lie, do you? Yes life sometimes is really terrible, but you can't always run to medications that might harm you, every time you have a problem. You need to find another solution and get back to a healthy way of living so that you can face the problems when they come.
Good Luck. And please take my Warnings serious!.

Good, and leave the other dangerous drugs alone, they don't help - just make things worse - and you need a clear head. Good luck on the visa, and then find a nice job that will get rid of some of your problems. Take it one step at a time.

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