I love him so much but I pushed him away how do I get him back?
My boyfriend (26)and I (27) have been together for three years. I love him so much. I have never felt the love I feel for him for anyone else. Last year we took a one month break because I felt that the communication and the trust was not really there. He worked on his issue of trust and communication and we ended up getting back together. When we got back together we tried to take it slow but the feelings that we have for each other are so strong and real that we just kind of took off where we left off. We have been together for about a full year now. In the beginning of June we celebrated 3 years. About 3 weeks ago we got into an argument and I told him that it was obvious that he didn't know what he wanted now this was the second time I made that comment to him. He got very angry and yelled "Your right I don't know what I want!" I broke down and started crying and he apologized told me he didn't mean what he said that he was just very angry at me for making a stupid comment because he loves me was going to propose by the end of the summer and we would get married in 2 yrs. A week later another argument surfaced in which he had said he was going to spend a weekend in miami with my family and I.. Then he backed out on it last min. He told me he only had agreed to go because he didn't want to see me cry and then he kind of didn't want to go in the first place. I was very hurt and then I started to fixate on what he had said the week before that he didn't know what he wanted and then the whole weekend trip both incidents hurt me so much. I became distant in the past 2 weeks and he would try to be all loving and I would kind of back away a bit. Two nights ago I asked him to lets go see a couples therapist he told me flat out no that infuriated me so I told him I wanted to break up with him because he was being cold and distant and didn't seem to want to work out our problems. The following morning I knew I had made a huge mistake I kind of gave him an ultimatum and I wanted to apologize tell him that I loved him tell I was sorry but in turn he once again was nasty/cold and smirking. That night we decided to talk and he was in like panic mode he said he was not sure anymore what he really wanted it he wanted me. Marriage, engage by the end of the summer, a family he wasn't sure if he wanted anything. He said I hurt him the first time around and he had promised himself if I ever broke up with him again that he would not stand for it. I cried I apologized. He told me he loved me very much... we made out and then I asked do you still want me? And said he didn't know because we had been arguing and he was already stressed out at work and in school... that he didn't know anything because his brain was going a million directions he didn't know what he wanted to do in life. He said the best thing to do was to just clear our heads from Thursday to Monday or Tuesday and think about what we really wanted and our goals for our relationship. Now I don't know what to do. I am so scared that he is going to call this whole thing off. I love him I want to be with him. I just am terrified and so sad because I pretty much caused this. I couldn't get over the fact that he said he didn't know what he wanted 1 week before our 3 yr anniversary. And, now he is saying he doesn't know if he wants marriage/family. I am so confused and scared. I wrote him a letter apologizing for being a nag and for not letting things go and for not being understanding and loving... But, now what I don't know what to do? Do I give him space to think? Do I call him and tell him that I love him that I am so sorry? I don't know what to do? Please help I am so heartbroken and I miss him so much.