Hi,
Ive been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, we have a great relationship and we have no arguments, I never worry about a lot but lately I may ahave been asking a few many wquestions about where the relationship was going. Problem is I am 5 years older than she is. She has just turned 22 and I am 27. She has only slept with 2 guys but from when I met her she is not the type to sleep around she does not believe in that. She used to go out before we met and kiss guys but that was it. When we were first together I took it slow cause thougt that would be best for the long term and to keep her keen.
All of a sudden she just turns up and says I think we should have a break. The last few days have been fine she always rings or messages at night and says areyou sure I'm not calling to often I don't want you to go off me. We do not live together but normally see each other 3 or 4 nights a week. She said to me I love you but don't know if it's the way I'm meant to feel about someone forever. She said she thought she would feel like she could not live without that person and says she does not always feel this way about me but I'm a great guy. She said she is dependent on me too much and just wants to have some time to know she can be by herself before she lets someone into her life.

Maybe its over for me, she said she has been thinking about this for a year and at times contemplates the thoughts of having a future wth me and thought she could but now she really does not want to have to think about the future at this stage in her life and does not want to have to think of someone else, she wants to think about herself

She is in her final year of uni . She was so keen but what should I do??

Sounds like she's passing through a stage of exploration, and the extension of that can only be clearer to you, since you are the one who knows what this gal might go for it or not.
3 years of relationship its quite considerable to take things lightly about the feelings involved in breakup. So, if she's has good heart and decided to take some space, we can assume she's not playing with that. (even though in my experience some girls wants the break up call just to see how much we fight for them, which is awfully inmature).
If she told you with peace, that this hard decision was on her head for a year, hmm well, it should the question floating: Why doesn't she popped it before, her concern, and the reasons for feeling like that?
I would suggest you to have a calm, very calm chat with her, asking her your why's, not to confront her decision but just for your own mental well being. And then, well, grab your guitar and go to play somewhere else. NC rule and start caring about yourself, let her assume her decision. Set in your mind a time limit to start processing the lost and move on... Someone else and something else is waiting..

Be well

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she has just turned 22 and I am 27.

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Sorry but you two are in very different worlds right now, and the conflict is she is just seeing the world, and wants to find where she fit, but you are beyond the wondering, and are ready to settle down and live life together. Your looking long term, and she only sees tomorrow.

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She said she has been thinking about this for a year

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Of course she has been, wouldn't anyone her age feel the same as she wants to explore and learn, didn't you? Can't change human nature. Back off and give her space, since she still calls, but leave the relationship talk alone, and start making sure you have a life you enjoy without her for your own well being. Should you wait for her to change her mind an come back?? The problem with that is she may never come back, so honestly let her alone for a week or two, no calls whatsoever. She needs time to think of life without you. So let her think, while you get busy, as she will try to keep you around, since she knows exactly how you feel. After 3 years, can you be friends at this point?? This is a good time to figure what you want now. Either go through the confusion she is in, or get your life moving in the right direction. Whatever happens you need to be in control of your own life, with or without her.

I'm going through the same boat, calling her saying you lover etc... won't do anything show her your not weak and say to yourself she wants a break... she'll get one its real tough but you can't die from it, you just have to live with it, give her that break and you should keep busy yourself

Thanks

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry but you two are in very different worlds right now, and the conflict is she is just seeing the world, and wants to find where she fit, but you are beyond the wondering, and are ready to settle down and live life together. Your looking long term, and she only sees tomorrow.

Of course she has been, wouldn't anyone her age feel the same as she wants to explore and learn, didn't you?? Can't change human nature. Back off and give her space, since she still calls, but leave the relationship talk alone, and start making sure you have a life you enjoy without her for your own well being. Should you wait for her to change her mind an come back??? The problem with that is she may never come back, so honestly let her alone for a week or two, no calls whatsoever. She needs time to think of life without you. So let her think, while you get busy, as she will try to keep you around, since she knows exactly how you feel. After 3 years, can you be friends at this point??? This is a good time to figure what you want now. Either go thru the confusion she is in, or get your life moving in the right direction. Whatever happens you need to be in control of your own life, with or without her.

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Aaron this is the best advice you can get... I posted it again so you can absorb it. Good luck you sound like a very nice young man

I hate to tell you this but I've read and experienced situations very similar to yours. I'd say there's another guy in the game. I know it's hard to even try to believe this but I think you should be very very careful. If I was you I would walk away now. Let her make up her mind, if she really really wants you then eventually she'll come back.

Start nc best thing to do bro

If I can add something... you don't need to poison your brain now, with the though of "the other guy if it exist".. I know your brain and sometimes your senses can guide you to that but sometimes we fail too. If someone else exist, and that's the reason for her confusion, well it's just natural selection process. She's not the one!! And that's it.
Invest your time improving yourself, becoming something better and happier by yourself. You will fell powerful then... believe me.
Enjoy

You cannot contact her. You will have to let her have her space. This is best for now.

Let her see what it is like without you.
Goodluck

Dude, I am going into my third month of almost the same situation. We are even the same ages as you guys! After the first week of being really messed up I got my head strait and told her all the things I thought she really needed to know, that I want to be with her, I love her and am willing the change my work habits (that’s where are situation differs a bit) and also letting her know I understand what she is going through (think of how you felt when you were 22). Then I essentially gave her the space she needed very limited contact. When we did communicate I always tried to sound up beat and positive when I talk to her and really do my best not to get into heavy stuff. I have been pretty consistent with this for the past month and her calls / emails and msn started to increase.

Last night she called me and said she misses me so much and is coming home to visit me next week. (She moved across the country for the summer when we broke up with her friend to clear her head). So things are looking up for me. The thing that keeps me on track is knowing that I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me and its better that she figures this out now rather then later. I would say that this is the best way to handle this sort of situation