Found Out Tonight My Fiancé is Having an Affair With Her Married Boss What do I do?
I'm 34. I am/was dating a girl, currently 28, for approximately five years. We broke up 2 1/2 years into the relationship after constant fighting and mistrust. I thought she was having an affair with her married boss after I found her texting him late at night and his name was in her cell phone as "My Husband". She denied it and said the name was a joke. I could never prove anything occurred, but the mistrust was planted. Things went downhill thereafter. She moved out and we broke up. After not speaking for 9 months we eventually got back together because after we saw each other out one night she claimed she knew I was the one she wanted to be with. It was rough at first because I had trust issues. And, I found out she was texting other guys she "saw" when we broke up. She claimed that nothing inappropriate was going on and they were just "guy friends". I moved past it trusting her.
For the past year, things have generally been great. She's settled down and we haven't had any real problems. Things have been so good, we actually signed a lease together to move in, in two weeks. She talked about how she couldn't wait to marry me and for us to start our life.
Believing that I could definitely spend my life with this woman. I bought and engagement ring and set up a proposal for this weekend.
Last night, I was at her house visiting and was getting ready to leave to drive to her parents to ask for their permission to marry their daughter. We had both recently got new phones, so I was looking at hers while she was in the shower. It definitely was an invasion of privacy, but something told me to do it. I had trusted her for the past 9 months and didn't have any issues. But something made me think I should look.
When I looked, I saw she had a voicemail from a number I didn't recognize at 1am the night before. Curiosity got the best of me and I listened to the voicemail. It was a man's voice who was highly intoxicated, it said... "Princess, I loved spending time with you yesterday. I miss you. I'm sorry I couldn't come over tonight. I can't wait to keep my promise to you...". I wrote down the number from the message. I called the number, it was her married boss's cell phone.
In shock, I stormed out of her house. Mistake. Minutes later I called her to question her on it. She denied that any message existed ever existed. She said "I have no idea what you are talking about I never got that message". When I returned, we called her voicemail together, she had deleted it from her phone.
She claimed that I was crazy and accusing her of something that I had no bounds. She got very defensive and insulted me and said I issues for checking her phone. She's right. What I did was wrong, but there was just something that told me to do it.
I left. Hours later, in what I can only guess was an effort to resolve the situation, she gave me her T-Mobile login to check on calls that night. What she didn't realize was that the voicemail logs were in a different part than what she likely looked at and didn't see anything. Apparently, incoming calls don't show on the online log if they are not answered and go to voicemail. Sure enough, though, there was a call to her phone that night 30 seconds after the timestamp on the message I heard (1:03am) where she checked her voicemail. I also saw a series of phone calls and messages between them from that day. Although, it was not a regular everyday correspondence, just periodically spaced between weeks, but sometimes at 1am or 2am in the morning when she claimed she was out with friends.
When confronted with this information, she continued to claim that no message ever existed, that anytime she called her voicemail was for other reasons and that any messages between her and her boss were purely work or friendship related. She said sometimes she would text him when out at night innocently.
All that being said, what do I do? I know she's lying. But I can't prove it. I'm not making the voicemail up. And, coincidentally the online log confirms she just happened to check her voicemail seconds after the message that supposedly didn't exist was left at 1:03am? My guess is she will go to her grave denying it because if she admits it she thinks I will tell someone that works at her company and she will get fired. And/or her boss's wife.
In an attempt to get the truth, I told her if the message and calls were one sided (and it was just her boss contacting her inappropriately) all she had to do was tell me, I would understand and we could work through it. She would only say that no such message ever existed. And continued to tell me I was the one with issues. I've seen this pattern before, when she is caught in a lie she gets defensive and tries to turn it on the other person.
In my head I KNOW she's lying. I've always believed, if if walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck... But the fact that she continues to deny it is now making me think that I'm crazy and I'm wrong? How can that be?