My BF slept w/ another girl while we were just DATING, is this CHEATING?
Please, please please, take the time to read the whole thing.. I'd really appreciate well thought out advice. Thanks and looking forward to hearing from all of you.
Ok, so I've been in a relationship with this really great guy for about 11 months now. About a year we go, we were introduced by a common friend and started going out. It may sound a bit slutty, but I'll say it on here anyway since it might help you guys give me the advice I need; We did it (had sex) on our first date. After that, we started seeing more of each other, then a month later decided to get into a real (serious) relationship with each other. So in short, we dated for a month, and then made our relationship officially exclusive a month later.
So time went by, and here we are 11 months later into a pretty good relationship. Sure, we've had some occasional fights, but I'd say that all in all we're doing great together. Just tonight I found out (from him) that he had actually slept with another girl while we were dating – take note JUST DATING not in a steady relationship yet. I felt horrible since I have never slept with another guy SINCE THAT FIRST DAY we met. If you guys want to know how I got it out of him, I just started fishing (even when I know I shouldn't). I asked him: “Have you ever cheated on me?" And he said "No." I said: "So you've never slept with anyone SINCE YOU MET ME and even if we weren't officially a couple yet?" And he answered "I can't remember that was a long time ago"... So from there I knew that he had something to hide.. I'm not all that stupid to accept that he can't remember something like that. So I kept asking until he confessed that he did sleep with some other girl while we were dating, he said that he didn't know that things were going to get serious with us which is why he went ahead and did it. After hearing this I started crying and told him that I wanted to break up with him and that I couldn't stand to look at him knowing that he was with another girl, etc. When he heard this, he changed his story and said; "Come to think of it, I didn't know you yet when I slept with that other girl, so we weren't dating yet at that time OK.".."I only said that so that you would stop asking me". I refused to believe him because why on earth would someone say something that would put him in even more hot water just to shut up his girlfriend?. Anyway, after about an hour of fighting.. He finally did confess. So yes, it turns out that he really did sleep with someone while we were just dating. He claims that he didn’t cheat on me. (Well literally speaking that IS true). After that I felt even worse than when he told me because he looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me about what really happened. The whole time we were fighting he just kept lying to me and telling me that he really didn't sleep with anyone after he met me.
Please help. I do not know what to do. I really love the guy. I have to give him credit for coming clean, and I’m sure he didn’t cheat on me starting the day we decided to go steady and exclusive. But the thing is, I don't know if I can still be with someone who could lie to my face. Even if I do get over the fact that he lied, I can’t stand the thought that he had sex with another girl. I just can't believe he could have sex with me, and then have sex with someone else. He keeps begging me to forgive him, but my mind is all over the place right now. What should I do?
Comment on Romefalls19's post
Thanks.. Straight to the point - even if it was a little harsh for me to hear.