:confused: the day I met Joel I felt I fell for him immediately. I loved and love him so much. He seemed so perfect a great body and even better and incredible sweet personality. A month into the relationship he started talking about how he wanted to marry me once we go off to college and that if I ever dumped him he would commit suicide. I thought at first wow I'm so meaningful to him but as time went on he kept sayng that And now I'm scared to ever want to dump him because he mght kill himself. Also whenever I say "baby idk who I want to marry and when I'm just in highschool and dnt think about that part of my future yet" he jokingly accuses me of not lovng him and then later on in the conversation begging to know why I don't know that part of my future and if I picure him as my husband. It's annoying and scary. I do love him with all my heart I have never felt such a beautiful warm feeling inside but I think he's way too ahead of himself. Another thing is he's a jealous man he is always insecure questioning whether I am where I say I am or with my family or not... or if I'm cheating on him. I told him I am not a liar and that is the truth I would never lie to the one I love and much less be unfaithful especially when my ex boyfriend was unfaithful so I know how t feels. I'm in a mix of emotions of anger love sadness passion confusion and lonliness. I don't know what to do and how to tell him to trust me and all and also that I need alone rme and he can't expect to call and be with me all the time. What should I do?? Dump, keep, talk to or wait ahhhh what else I do love him I just need to fx those problems.

The best thing I can say is been there and done that. To many people find to late in the relationship how am I going to get him to understand I am not cheating on them...

As hard as it may be this person is insecured and there isn't going to be any persuaing him any different. He will never be able to face that you are telling the truth and evently he will have you under lock and key to where you don't want to socialize with any one not even your family.

Think long and hard how he first started accusing to today and you'll see that it only gets worse for him to believe you.

I think you know what to do before you get yourself in some real problems later. ENDED IT

It doesn't matter what the problem is in a relationship, you are both responsible for it. Have a chat try to find out why he feels so insecure. Make sure it is nothing you are doing and then take it from there.

I agree with Bluerose as talking can not only bring understanding, but it's the first step in working together to solve those problems.

Just be honest, and tell him your uncomfortable with his questions, and behavior, in the trust area. That's a start, and if no changes for the better happen, save the drama, and let him go.

I'm a little confused by your question and hopefully you can clear it up a little. If it wasn't for his insecurities do you still want to dump him or do you just want to dump him but avoid the drama that would come with it?

I'm guessing this is both of your first relationships, certainly his. He has a lot of insecurities and those are his problems that he has to deal with, but in his defense (and I am not in any way taking his side because he's completely wrong) he may believe that by telling you stuff like he's going to commit suicide and checking up on you at all time that you think that means he is showing you how much he cares because he's worried about you at all times. Now if you want to keep him you need to sit him down and calmly tell him that you like a lot of things about him and actually tell him what they are. Then tell him because this is all new to him he may be confused as to the kind of person you are looking for. You want a guy who has everything you told him but also is able to trust his girl, give his girl time and space, and be strong enough to be able maintain his life so that you can focus on yours and then each of you bring both of your good qualities to the center for the relationship. Then tell him he the person your looking for has to have those qualities and you know he has them but he must use them. In other words don't be completely negative, focus on his good traits but be honest with him in regards to where you want this to go and what he needs to do to improve.

You know, his little manipulations are working on you exactly as planned. You feel powerless to be honest because of how he might feel/react. Poppycock. You need to put an end to that immediately.

If he ever, ever, EVER says anything like that again, where he'll do something bad to himself or others if you do something he doesn't like, right then and there hand it back to him.

"Your feelings are your issue. Don't put that on me, I won't be controlled by you, so give it up. And even though I'm not a cheater, I am a quitter, I will quit hanging out with ANYONE who talks to me that way. Now tell me you understand.

Then talk to him about the other stuff calmly. Remember, his jealousies aren't solved by you changing your behavior. In fact, if you do that in any way, his insecurity will grow and his sense of need/ability to control you will grow as well.

No, he needs to solve the jealousy stuff in his own mind... and if he can't control it, you WILL be leaving. It's his call.

He may be able to get over this stuff, but the risk of losing you over it has to be in his face if that is going to happen. And it might not. You might still have to walk... which is likely in my guess.

He is using suicide as a scare tactic, people who talk about suicide this way are seldom to ever act on the statement. He needs to get help for his emotional imbalance as it is not your issue to solve. He also needs help for jealousy/controlling behavior, without it you need to leave as it will only get worse.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

He is using suicide as a scare tactic, people who talk about suicide this way are seldom to ever act on the statement. He needs to get help for his emotional imbalance as it is not your issue to solve. He also needs help for jealousy/controlling behavior, without it you need to leave as it will only get worse.

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Honestly I have seen that too with people talk about suicide they are not the ones who end up doing it. It's the ones you don't suspect.

You need communication. Just sit down and have a long talk. Get everything out that you've been thinking. By then he should know that you are not ready for marriage but you are fully committed to him, and maybe he just needs reassured. Just tell him how you feel and he should be okay.

I'm a jealous boyfriend. Like crazy jealous. One time I was with my girl at burger king and she saw some of her friends(guys) from school. She waved and said hi. Then she said hi again. Then I kept noticing her looking back at them like 5 times. So I was like um is there a show going on over there?? Its natural to be jealous. Well for me. That guy loves you A lot and he won't actually kill himself for you, its just like a bad way of expressing how much he loves you. And to say he wants to marry you is a good thing for you. He realllllyyy loves you. I know, I say this to my girl all the time. He's a good guy, just expresses himself in a kind of bad way.

Blessd, while it's natural to be jealous, yours is way out of control. Saying "hi" to friends is going to happen, being jealous stems from your own insecurities. Loosen the strings a bit

It wasn't just the "hi" I'm fine with that. It was just that she kept looking back and them and staring and she wasn't eating her food so I had to say something. We have a mutual agreement on the jealousy thing. She too is a super jealous freak, so we have each other on lock down. Which I think is very good for the relationship

That's not love if you have to be jealous of someone you love.

To the girl who said its not love if I'm jealous of the one I love, tell me, we'll be together for a year on the 24th, not love? Really? We've been through hell and back with problems from family to friends to church and were still together and that's not love? Wow I'm pretty sure that its love. Love cannot be defined the way you just tried to. Love has no definition, ever been in love with someone so much that you don't know how to explain it? Yeah that's what love is. When you try so hard to let them know how much you love them and how deeply you feel and yet you still fail because its just too much to explain, that's love.

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Originally Posted by BlessdWitTalenT

it wasnt just the "hi" im fine with that. it was just that she kept lookin back and them and staring and she wasnt eating her food so i had to say something. we have a mutual agreement on the jealousy thing. she too is a super jealous freak, so we have eachother on lock down. which i think is very good for the relationship

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OH you are indeed young. Please explain to me how having each other on lock down is "very good" for a relationship?

=] I'm 16, so the lock down bit. Oh by the way I said the relationship meaning mine, not meaning all. Some people don't even care about anything which I think is ridiculous. Anyway, lockdown

see we started this thing where if she wanted to go somewhere she would ask permission from me to go. And I would do the same to her. Anything we do, we consult each other first. Anyway, I try not to look at other girls for any reason because I wouldn't if my girl was there so I just pretend like she's with me. She does the same. We are both basically on lock down for each other, get it? Its just something that makes me feel loved and cared for. I don't mind if she doesn't want me to go somewhere because I could much better spend my time being with her. That's just me