Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Relationships (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=277)
-   -   Confused over what "time" really means (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=89771)

  • May 6, 2007, 01:17 PM
    Saoirse21
    Confused over what "time" really means
    My ex boyfriend and I were together for over a year. He is an independent filmmaker and I'm finishing up my last year at university. We had a great relationship and I'd stay over at his place four days out of the week and over all holidays and semester breaks. We'd share bills and time with each others families. I got to be quite good friends with his parents in particular.
    The last month of our relationship he grew really distant which I attributed to his increasingly busy film schedule. He'd always have people over while I was over and my weekly visits were literally reduced to me cooking, cleaning, and listening to him rant (I'm stupid, I know). When I brought this up he exploded but we seemed to have had everything patched up before I returned to school. Then I received an unexpected email from him on our anniversary telling me that he needed time and space and his career was more important to him at this point in time. He asked that I wait for him but he said he'd understand if I decided to move on.
    I'm am absolutely heartbroken because this is the man I thought I was going to marry. Before that month every time he talked about the future I was always included. I haven't heard from him at all since that email, the exception being when I returned the email asking him to please explain and he replied by just repeating the first email. As I mentioned before, I am good friends with his mom and he obviously hasn't told her anything and she is emailing me asking if I'm coming to a Mother's Day lunch.
    I am so confused and hurt! Is it possible for a guy to really just want time to think or is it over? What are the chances of us getting back together? Is it wrong for me to want a better explanation or to want to talk to him about this? Do I continue to wait for him to contact me or should I try to contact him again? (It's been two weeks since the breakup)
    What do I tell his mom? I don't want him getting even more angry because he thinks I'm talking behind his back to his mother.
  • May 6, 2007, 01:31 PM
    talaniman
    You tell his mom your busy, and sorry, and give him what he asked for. Red Flag, a guy who's only explanation for neglecting this relationship is his work, is not relationship material. You had a great ride, now its over and time to move on. He wouldn't care how long you wait for him to maybe give you time. Grow from this experience.
  • May 6, 2007, 01:55 PM
    diya
    I think Tal is right... he's moved on and so should you. Sometimes we overlook all the redflags in a relationship because it's difficult to imagine life or moments without that person. You know why? Because we make our happiness so much dependent on the other person that we forget ourselves, our lives, respect and dignity. It's a very sad situation.
    As with mom, just politely decline her offer and need not speak with her about anything. She would get to know eventually. For your own satisfaction, you can talk it out with him but I don't think he's going to pay much attention to that or else why would he have said wait or move on... for him , it's no big deal anymore... trust me, you'll be OK if you see that it's good he left you before you got married, what would you hv been with the man who has no moral scruples of sustaining a relationship anyway.. right?
  • May 6, 2007, 02:06 PM
    s_cianci
    He's obviously ambivalent about what he wants. For now, you need to put him behind you and move on. I know it hurts but you won't be being fair to yourself if you just sit around pining for him for months on end. Often things don't turn out the way we'd like them to. When this happens, you just have to cut your losses and move on. It's important to realize that you have nothing to blame yourself for. Don't kick yourself thinking that you did something wrong to end this relationship. Use this as an opportunity for a fresh start.

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:35 PM.