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-   -   I broke no contact, we're going to talk this week, can I still get him back? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=336454)

  • Mar 31, 2009, 08:54 PM
    pinned
    I broke no contact, we're going to talk this week, can I still get him back?
    My boyfriend (or ex I guess) and I had been dating for about a year and a half. We are both very passionate people and have had a very eventful relationship. I have had 3 real relationships before this, but I have never felt like this about anyone before. We have so much fun together, but we do get into little arguments often. We've really come a long way in our relationship in that when we do argue, we've been working it out very rationally and quickly.
    Lately I have been very stressed and emotional (I am typically an emotional person anyway), and this has been putting a large strain on the relationship since I would like him to support me, and he does not want to spend as much time with me since I am being negative. I stood by him through several difficult times in his life and I would hope that he could do the same for me. I made some steps to improve my life, and he tried to support me, and it worked for a bit, but we had been fighting so much that eventually I suggested a break up. I did not want to break up, but I didn't know what to do anymore, I wasn't sure why I couldn't seem to make him happy.
    The next day we met so that I could get some of my things from his house. I was very upset but he seemed to show no emotion. I told him how upset I was and he eventually began to show emotion, cried, and expressed how much he loved me and was sad about the situation. I told him to call me and that we should talk about it some more.
    I thought this meant that we were going to talk the next day, but he didn't call, so I called him (I know this was a mistake), he didn't answer, I called him once more about an hour or two later and he didn't answer again. I then drove to his house to see if he was home (I know big mistake), he answered but told me he wasn't ready to talk and that he wasn't going to do this right now and would call me when he was ready. This is very frustrating for me because he has done this before, and I feel like there is no consideration for my feelings in that, and that he holds a sort of power over my head.
    I left, and waited a week, he still didn't call. I was tired of waiting because I didn't know where we stood. I wasn't sure if I should move on with my life, or have any hope that we could work things out. So I told myself that I would call him, leave a message, and that if he didn't return my call in 2 days I would start moving on with my life. He called back and I told him that we needed to talk soon or never. He was angry, but agreed to go for lunch and talk the next day. I called him and he didn't answer, I waited an hour and called again, and he said that he was out for lunch with a mutual friend and he'd call me in half an hour. I waited an hour and a half and then called him. I was upset, and he said that I was forcing him to talk and that he didn't want to, so he wasn't going to talk to me until he decided he was ready. I told him that I couldn't wait anymore and had to start moving on, so he should come over and say goodbye. He showed up at my house and we hugged and then I got pulled into the whole thing again. I told him I wanted to talk about it and he said he still wasn't ready. I agreed that I would be willing to talk if we could do so within the next week. About four or five days later he sent me a text message that said this:

    "So I think I'm down for a chat sesh soon, I'm pretty confused about life right now, it's all just getting pretty heavy i guess. anyway i do owe you anapology, but thats on me. I've not not cared or thought about whats going on things are just messy. but that's a story for if and when we meet"
    I texted him back and we agreed to meet within the next couple days. It was agreed I would call him that day when I was home from work.
    Now I'm confused, I really love him, and want to try to work things out, but I don't want to keep hoping for something that is not there. I'm not sure what to say to him when we do meet. And I'm not sure how to keep myself from getting so upset that I say something I will regret. How do I keep myself from turning into a crying emotional mess when we talk? I have been doing fine this week (no tears at all!), but it may be different once we start talking about it. I'm not sure what he is going to suggest or want to do. I am a big believer that people need to fight for love, to work at it and to not give up. How can I convince him to give us another shot?
  • Mar 31, 2009, 09:24 PM
    none12345

    Hmmm I haven't been on this side before and I'm not sure exactly what to say, I've only had my ex left me and she was my first girlfriend so I'm not that experienced but from what I see in this, you've broken it off with and you shouldn't be in NC unless you decide to forget about him completely and want to or feel like you have to move on.

    Usually the person who breaks up with someone should be the one taking the first step by trying to work things right now. He says he needs some time to think and so do you. Right now emotions are flying everywhere for the both of you and I would suggest taking some time off from each other until things calm down for the both of you so you can make the right decision. Right now its just your emotions talking.

    The things your emotions tell you aren't always the best thing for you. Take some space from him and put no contact into place for a while until you can make a decision that is not entirely based on your emotions. By being in no contact you ll have the space for you to think how you really feel about this. If you don't contact him during this time to think than your thinking won't be clouded by your emotions. That's what I think. Hope things get better - none
  • Mar 31, 2009, 09:47 PM
    pinned
    Never mind, I just heard from a mutal friend that he asked another one of our friends on a date this week and she said yes.
    I don't think I will be talking to him about fixing our relationship.
    Thanks anyway
  • Mar 31, 2009, 09:55 PM
    MarkwithaK

    So you broke up with him and all of a sudden you want to "talk about it" but get all freaked when he said he isn't ready? Sounds like you playing a game.
  • Apr 1, 2009, 07:52 AM
    pinned
    How sweet of you to take the time to read my post and insult me. Thanks for your valuable input.
    The issue was that I suggested it and we had a mutal agreement, but talked the next day, agreed we didn't want to break up, and that we would talk about it again the day after that.
    Believe me I am not playing a game.
  • Apr 1, 2009, 08:55 AM
    Romefalls19

    Life became too much for you to handle so you ended your relationship by the way you behaved, then wanted him back and forced him into conversation that he didn't want and now are upset that he is seeing other people? Who cares if he agreed to meet with you, it was definite that you two would get back together so you can't fault him for playing the field

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