Here's my problem. I've been married for 5 years and I cheated on my husband after 2 years of marriage with my ex boyfriend. This happened when my husband called me names after having our daughter. I was self conscious and needed attention.

I ran into an old friend and not long after we began an affair, that lasted two years. My lover never told me he loved me not even when we were a couple. Every time I ask how do you feel about me he says that we have a connection unlike any other woman he's ever known. BUT NEVER THE WORDS I LOVE YOU!!

Also the affair ended and I started to patch things up with my husband but after I told my husband he never was the same but always tried but never could he let go of the past.
After some time passed my ex boyfriend contacted me again and wanted to hook up. I would always go see him but never do anything because I wanted him to want me without getting me. And this lasted for about a year and I felt like I was in control. I had him right where I wanted him.

But then one day I messed up and I gave him oral sex but not because I wanted to but because he kept pushing my head down to do it and then I did like a dummy. He is married now with a son which makes things a whole lot worse than it use to be.

I've known him since I was 12 and now I'm 27. What are we doing? What is this and does he even really care about me? And how do I let him go when I think of him all the time... he is not better sexually than my husband but I still can't get him out of my head...

So you can't blame him for you giving him oral. You should've never put yourself in that situation.

Why do you keep cheating on your husband? If you want out then leave because there's no so since on keep hurting. Didn';t you learn from the first time around? How would you like it if your husband cheated on you?

Stop talking to your exes since you've no self-control unless you like being used for sex.

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Originally Posted by liz28

So you can't blame him for you giving him oral. You should've never put yourself in that situation.

Why do you keep cheating on your husband? If you want out then leave because there's no so since on keep hurting. Didn';t you learn from the first time around? How would you like it if your husband cheated on you?

Stop talking to your exes since you've no self-control unless you like being used for sex.

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I understand this totally and my ex knows I have a hard time telling him NO... My husband is a great guy really despite him talking about my weight after having or child he is ideal... but whenever my husband makes me mad I call my ex... and I know he uses me for sex my husband told me that but I use him too... but I still just want my ex to love me why I don't know... I just do... :(

If you have a hard time telling your ex no then that is more of a reason to stay away from him and work on yourself for yourself because your esteem is shot. Realize that your love is misplace because you can't make someone love you and your ex at this point is using you because he knows he can.

Maybe you and your husband needs counselling.

You put yourself in this situation. A respectable married woman would not hang around a guy who wanted in her pants like in this situation ( she would simple leave), nor a married man a woman that was purely interested in getting in his pants.

Reverse this situation... how would you feel if it was him with an ex-girlfriend... Do you think you would let it drop in only three years after it happened only 2 years into a marriage. Your numbers there.

You breached his trust and violated the sanctity of marriage. And you did it not once but more than once. You have a LOT to make up for before you deserve forgiveness. First step is understanding what you did, from HIS perspective. Don't you think?

Is there a chance to get it back? Yeah, maybe... but every time you do this you lose a lot more of that chance. Would you appreciate, respect or love a man who would repeatedly cheat on you?

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Originally Posted by liz28

If you have a hard time telling your ex no then stay away from him and work on yourself for yourself because your esteem is shot. Realize that your love is misplace because you can't make someone love you and your ex at this point is using you because he knows he can.

Maybe you and your husband needs counselling.

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My husband don't know about this recent encounter with my ex and I am very hesitate to tell him, because it will crush him... my husband says that I think that he is a joke and that he will always take me back... then he says I take you back because I love you and that that guy don't. Which is true and I know this but I love my ex... not enough to leave my husband but enough to just want to be around him occasionally.

The thing is I'm prettier than my ex's wife and this makes me mad why I don't know. He is a very attractive guy and I always thought we would end up together my husband is handsome, kind and sweet but I am not a 100% attracted to my husband never was. But I will never find a guy better than him. I didn't want to be a shallow person so I continued to date my husband even though he was not drop dead gorgeous and my ex boyfriend was...

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You put yourself in this situation. A respectable married woman would not hang around a guy who wanted in her pants like in this situation ( she would simple leave), nor a married man a woman that was purely interested in getting in his pants.

Reverse this situation....how would you feel if it was him with an ex-girlfriend....Do you think you would let it drop in only three years after it happened only 2 years into a marriage. Your numbers there.

You breached his trust and violated the sanctity of marriage. And you did it not once but more than once. You have a LOT to make up for before you deserve forgiveness. First off understanding what you did, from HIS perspective. Don't you think?

Is there a chance to get it back? Yeah, maybe...but every time you do this you lose a lot more of that chance.

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Call me crazy but I want my husband to cheat on me because then I would know that he is not that perfect... I was my husband's first and only and he throws this in my face all the time... that there's no one else but me... but he knows he wasn't my first and at the time when we were younger never took a guys virginity and I was happy he choose me to but now I think my experience with other guys is the problem because as I mentioned even though they are not better sexually than my husband I still long for them sometimes...

I don't understand this and neither does my husband he thinks that there is something wrong with him and I tell him over and over that he pleases me my mind just wonders

Confused Woman you need some serious counselling instead of running to another man's arm. You need to understand the true meaning of a marriage.

No matter what no one can make you happy if your unhappy with yourself and it seems your very unhappy with yourself. Do you even know what love means?

Btw, of course your husband doesn't knows about your current affair until he finds out. Now how is he going find out, I don't know but you need to be honest with him anddon't get mad if he leaves you this time becauseif I was him I would. Cheating only creates more problems and hurt that other person more than words can describe.

You really don't deserve to be married. Your choices have shown a level of immaturity, selfishness and disrespect that no partner deserves. What are you thinking? All of this has been about you, and I'm sure you've made up every excuse in the book to justify your behaviors the whole way through. Your problem with him has been that he has had a hard time letting go of the past? That's normal! And what's even worse is that you didn't keep your infidelity in the past at all, did you? I think it's like you've been throwing sexual temper tantrums. You've been cheating emotionally, and you've been cheating physically. You're also acting like a home wrecker in other people's relationships. Ask yourself this: how much of this have you done because you are unbelievably insecure? You're also behaving like a toxic narcissist. Your posts show zero remorse and zero empathy for your husband. It's bizarre. If you don't want to act like a married woman, then fess up to your husband and do him the biggest favor of your lives: get a divorce.

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Originally Posted by linnealand

you really don't deserve to be married. your choices have shown a level of immaturity, selfishness and disrespect that no partner deserves. what are you thinking?? all of this has been about you, and i'm sure you've made up every excuse in the book to justify your behaviors the whole way through. your problem with him has been that he has had a hard time letting go of the past? that's normal! and what's even worse is that you didn't keep your infidelity in the past at all, did you? i think it's like you've been throwing sexual temper tantrums. you've been cheating emotionally, and you've been cheating physically. you're also acting like a home wrecker in other people's relationships. ask yourself this: how much of this have you done because you are unbelievably insecure? you're also behaving like a toxic narcissist. your posts show zero remorse and zero empathy for your husband. it's bizarre. if you don't want to act like a married woman, then fess up to your husband and do him the biggest favor of your lives: get a divorce.

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You know we got married young and I do love my husband very much but you sound like him he says I have no emotion at all but I do I just don't know haow to show it. I want my husband and I just want to be wanted or desired by other men... Never been a home wrecker and don't want to be don't know what a toxic narcissist is but I will look it up... and I have fessed up to my husband and he don't want to let me go... so I stay

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Originally Posted by Confused Woman

You know we got married young and I do love my husband very much but you sound like him he says I have no emotion at all but I do I just dont know haow to show it. I want my husband and I just want to be wanted or desired by other men.......Never been a home wrecker and dont want to be dont know what a toxic narcissist is but I will look it up...........and I have fessed up to my husband and he dont want to let me go.....so I stay

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This is all very sad. It sounds like your husband needs counseling too. There's no question in my mind that you should be seeking help. You might have gotten married young, but I'm guessing you weren't 5; you knew what marriage meant. Do you know what it means now? Because you're still into other men. If your husband also thinks you lack empathy (and I think your posts certainly do) then yes, you ought to research narcissism. If you want to know more about it, there's a book that would be perfect for your husband called Help! I'm In Love With A Narcissist. You can read it too. I appreciate your honesty in these posts. I wish you well.

Wow, what I see hear is a big respect issue. First you have no respect for yourself. You are allowing a total jerk to use you for his personal sex toy. How low is that. You first have to have respect four yourself before ANY relationship will work. Friendship or marriage.

Second you have no respect for your husband. If you did you would just call the marriage off and admit you made a huge mistake. Lets call a spade a spade stop the "my husband is a really good guy" stuff and just admit that you don't love him or respect him enough to be totally committed to him for the rest of your life, like a REAL wife should. When you say things like "my husband is not drop dead gorgeous like my ex", or "I am prettier than his wife" those are self centered high school comments that prove you don't have the maturity to be in a committed relationship. If you respected him you would call off the affair and commit yourself to him... PERIOD!!

And third and most sad you don't even have enough respect for your own daughter to stop sleeping around. If you did you would tell you ex I am a wife and a mother and I no longer need you or your games. If that helpless little child of yours does not mean enough for you to stop running around on her dad than just do the honorable thing and end this marriage before you ruin her life as well.

Lets face facts, your husband loves you too much to walk away. If you don't want to call it quits than you need to get to a GOOD marriage counselor ASAP.

I agree with DSM521 - maybe you aren't in the right place to be in any relationship right now.

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Originally Posted by DSM521

Wow, what I see hear is a big respect issue. First you have no respect for yourself. You are allowing a total jerk to use you for his personal sex toy. How low is that. You first have to have respect four yourself before ANY relationship will work. Friendship or marriage.

Second you have no respect for your husband. If you did you would just call the marriage off and admit you made a huge mistake. Lets call a spade a spade stop the "my husband is a really good guy" stuff and just admit that you don't love him or respect him enough to be totally committed to him for the rest of your life, like a REAL wife should. When you say things like "my husband is not drop dead gorgeous like my ex", or "I am prettier than his wife" those are self centered high school comments that prove you don't have the maturity to be in a committed relationship. If you respected him you would call off the affair and commit your self to him........PERIOD!!!!

And third and most sad you don't even have enough respect for your own daughter to stop sleeping around. If you did you would tell you ex I am a wife and a mother and I no longer need you or your games. If that helpless little child of yours does not mean enough for you to stop running around on her dad than just do the honorable thing and end this marriage before you ruin her life as well.

Lets face facts, your husband loves you too much to walk away. If you don't want to call it quits than you need to get to a GOOD marriage counselor ASAP.

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Wow I never thought of my child and my husband so much because it felt like it was about me I had the problem and I had to solve it. My daughter just turned four and is more aware of her surroundings and I want her to know that I love her father he is really great. When I'm at work he cooks and clean just to help me out. But I am really cold sometimes and don't know how to get out of that rut.

My comments are immature and self centered when it comes to the comments of his wife and husband's appearance. I have wanted out of my marriage but then I don't want to let go of the one person that may actually treat me like a queen and a lady.

As far as my ex he really makes me sick and a year and 6 months went by before I even did anything with him again... I just don't know how to tell him NO!! But then when I did tell him no I felt so good and strong...

I just want to make things right...

Think about the reason he IS your ex-boyfriend. There must be a reason.

You need to see a counselor. Period.

I suggest you make an appointment today.

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Originally Posted by happeehiker

Think about the reason he IS your ex-boyfriend. There must be a reason.

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In college I was dating my now ex and my husband at the same time. My husband was my high school sweetheart and my ex I knew since junior high but we never had sex until college. To make a long story short during college I was dating them both at the same time neither knew about it but on a date with my now ex it was his birthday and we went out and he got drunk and threw up all over me. And he was so out of it and his friend had to take him back home. My my ex was in the back passed out his friend kept making advances at me and I was young and really uncomfortable. Once I got to my car I vowed to never see my now ex again because he looked like an alcoholic which was what my father was and I didn't want to go down that road...

So I dumped him got tighter my high school sweetheart which a year and a half later after that incedent became my husband...

I noticed under another question you had posted, you were given some very mean answers. I am sorry.

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Originally Posted by happeehiker

I noticed under another question you had posted, you were given some very mean answers. I am sorry.

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Well people don't know that this is hard for me and I want to make this right... st this time can't afford counseling and trying to do it off pure will is not enough... people are mean but it's easier to judge my life on the outside looking in...

But if they were in the situation it wouldn't be easily cut and dry...

I know.