Entire story merged
New to the board. My ex dumped me two weeks ago. We loved each other, talk about marriage and kids. But the alarm bells in my head were going off. I basically couldn't believe what she was saying. There were many things she did that I could not understand. She would never introduce me to her friends, who were mostly guys. She would frequent this bar dressed in stripper attire, with one of her female friends and love seeking attention from other guys. And my ex was somewhat promiscuous, and 50% of the guys she'd slept with, hang out at this bar. Her female friend is another post altogether and a complete wretch of a woman. My ex had lied to her best friend and never told her that she had been dating me. But when it was me and her, things were fine. And I do think she did love me, but she just had an odd way of showing it.
She had her own apt. but she basically lived with me (meaning she spent every night and every day at my place). We had wonderful times, and basically, unless her wretched best friend was around, my ex was always with me. Anyway, I told her these things were bothering me. That I did feel uncomfortable how she sought so much attention from guys. That I'd love to meet her male friends, since they were people she had fun with. She'd met all of my friends. Why was she so hush, hush, about dating me? And she would only hang out with these guy friends when she was with her wretched chick friend. I said that I'd like to meet her guy friends too. But she would never let me meet any of them. She would never even mention with me with the few close friends she had. Like I was not even part of her life. My ex was indeed a private person, but I thought this was a bit too extreme.
She did this repeatedly and I would tell her that it bothered me. Then one day, I finally had it. I got really mad and just told her I hated what she was doing, and that she was driving me mad. It was awful. I've never been so upset with anyone in my life. My ex was in tears. Anyway, two weeks later she broke up with me even though she was in tears through the whole thing. Said no one had ever hurt her as much as me by the things I had said. I did the horrible thing of begging her to take me back the very next day. She said she actually wanted a "break" and was in the process of seeing a shrink. I said a break was just a break up. Despite this, she wanted to still give me a ride to work everyday. But I said no. A break up is a break up, and that meant we should never speak, see, or talk to each other again. She asked if that meant forever, I said probably, wished her good luck and walked away. Haven't spoken to her since the break up. No contact.
I did all the things I should be doing I think. I've been surrounding myself with friends, not staying at home, trying to focus on work, and also I went on a date. And actually, that's the second part of this post. I had a date on Thursday night. And I really hit it off with this girl. I was expecting nothing, but sparks flew, things are good. Made out with her, spent the night at her place after the first date, which according to her has never happened before, but who knows. Anyway, no sex, just making out and talking. I parted ways with her, saying I'd call again.
So my two questions, when should I call the new chick again? I've already kissed her (maybe a little more) and spent the night. I was thinking sometime later today. Don't know if that's too soon. I don't think it is. I think I like her, but my ex is still lingering in my head. But I don't want to blow it with the new girl. I don't know if it's just a rebound or I like her or maybe both. I think that's possible.
Second question, was my ex acting normal for a woman in a committed relationship? She's almost 30. In my opinion, someone almost 30, talking about marriage and kids, shouldn't be acting this way. What could I have done, if anything, to prevent the break up? I know getting so mad at her was wrong, but that was the culmination of months of frustration. I never yelled at her before that day. I just didn't know what else to do aside from break up with her myself. But I wanted to make things work.
Hope to hear from you Wildcat. Anyone else's advice is also appreciated.
--Cali
P.S.
I work with my ex, but she's in a different building. Also we have mutual aquaintances, but I've managed no contact.