I need your help. I am 28 & my b/f is 40. I have been dating my boyfriend of 3 years and lately I have been having doubts or better yet opened my eyes!
Here goes:
I was separated from my husband when I met my boyfriend.. Who was also married at the time? He helped me to divorce my husband, but unfortunately he stayed married. He explained to me that he never loved his wife of 17 yrs. He stayed with her because of the 3 children (1 being with a woman outside his marriage). He told me that since he came from a divorced home that he never wanted to make his kids go through that. So I went along with this for the 3 years. He has taken care of me 100% financially and is a great man except for the fact he hasn't left his wife, but has told me everyday for the last 3 years that he wants to marry me (literally everyday).
He just bought us a house which is nearing completion and I guess he will make his move to leave his wife and move into our new house... except now I am having doubts. I am almost fearful... He once tried to end it with me over me waking him up when he was trying to sleep and this has always been on my mind that he could end our relationship so quickly and the fact that I begged him to stay. I've never begged a man to stay. I've deep down lost my sense of stability and have corned myself by not having a job.. etc.
I love him but am fearful that once we move in together and I make a move similar to the one "of waking him when he was sleeping” he will threaten to leave me again. I guess I’ve lost my sense of stability. Also he says that I can have 1 child and that's it. I guess he's saying this because he already has 3. Either way, I’m horribly confused because I don’t' want to make a huge mistake.. Once was plenty enough...

You're dating a MARRIED man!! What in the world. Here's my adivce, STOP! I'm sorry, it's hard for me to sympathize with your plight. Have you ever thought what his wife will feel like if/when he leaves her and moves into a new house with you RIGHT after a 17 yr marriage?

Honestly, I hope his wife leaves him, and you guys break-up too. Sorry to be harsh, but there are some seriously odd people in this world, and this type of stuff that you're doing is one thing that makes the world odd.

Leave this man alone, he has MAJOR ISSUES. More importantly, YOU HAVE MAJOR ISSUES. Go talk to someone, maybe your friends, maybe a shrink about WHY YOU SHOULD NOT BE DATING A MARRIED MAN! And for 3 YEARS!? Do your parents know you've dated a married man for 3 years?

Oh and by the way, this guy IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!! He is SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND.

I'm sorry you love him, but that's your fault. Jesus, what is it with people? Seriously.

What I don't understand is why he is still married to this women while having an affair with you! :confused:

Ok you said his reasoning to this is because he came from a divorced family and didn't want his kids to pass through the same thing but is this guy living with you or his wife??

I think you should find yourself a job and become financially stable in any case it always wise to be independent.

You also guess he will leave his wife and move in with you when your house is completed... and do you seriously believe him, its been 3 years, why would he do his move now?

You are absolutely right

AND, he is going behind his wife's back, do you think he won't do this to you too? He will I promise that. Get away from him girl. You can do better. Right now you are the "other woman" that every good woman hates. He will do the same thing to you and then you will be just like his wife is now-at home with a couple of kids while your husband is out with another woman-buying her a house and planning to leave you and be with her. Either way, you lose. Get away from this guy and save yourself

He has a young thing on the side and built you a house and taken good care of you. What a catch, but the house he shares with you is community property and do you really think you will stay there after his wife finds out.You have no job so you are completely under his control and he does have ALL the power to do with you as he will and I suspect he has already. So now you have believed everything he says and are scared to make him mad so what is it you really have? Right nothing. You can stay with master or go and get a life you want oh unless the nothing life you have is what you want then enjoy.

Sorry to be blunt... - he will never leave his wife.

He has his cake and eats too.

Why do women do this?? Why?? He's mariied - he's not your boyfriend.

This is very unhealthy.

Go out and find an available man and have healthy relationship.

He's married. He's a controlling creep.

Quite honestly, like I said before, there are many nice people on this board. Far nicer than me when I read stuff like this. The only advice I offer is stop doing what you're doing. Not because this man has power over you, not because he is using you, but because WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG.

Plain and simple. You are KNOWINGLY dating a married man. WHAT THE HELL?

Love makes us stupid, love makes us blind, but what you're doing I think is evil. And you know you're doing it. This man is already destroying his family, and you are playing A MAJOR PART in that.

You are selfish. If this man marries you, I hope he cheats on you for 3 years and then leaves you. Perhaps then you will understand what an awful thing he's doing and THE PART YOU'RE PLAYING in it.

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Originally Posted by ilovcali

Quite honestly, like I said before, there are many nice people on this board. Far nicer than me when I read stuff like this. The only advice I offer is stop doing what you're doing. Not because this man has power over you, not because he is using you, but because WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG.

Plain and simple. You are KNOWINGLY dating a married man. WHAT THE HELL?

Love makes us stupid, love makes us blind, but what you're doing I think is evil. And you know you're doing it. This man is already destroying his family, and you are playing A MAJOR PART in that.

You are selfish. If this man marries you, I hope he cheats on you for 3 years and then leaves you. Perhaps then you will understand what an awful thing he's doing and THE PART YOU'RE PLAYING in it.

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Right on Girl

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ilovcali

Quite honestly, like I said before, there are many nice people on this board. Far nicer than me when I read stuff like this. The only advice I offer is stop doing what you're doing. Not because this man has power over you, not because he is using you, but because WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG.

Plain and simple. You are KNOWINGLY dating a married man. WHAT THE HELL?

Love makes us stupid, love makes us blind, but what you're doing I think is evil. And you know you're doing it. This man is already destroying his family, and you are playing A MAJOR PART in that.

You are selfish. If this man marries you, I hope he cheats on you for 3 years and then leaves you. Perhaps then you will understand what an awful thing he's doing and THE PART YOU'RE PLAYING in it.

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I had to spread more love Cali, so this is my 2 cents!!

This man is destroying his family, and you are a major part, like Cali said. But don't you have any feelings for his children? When they find out, and eventaully they will, some day in their lives, they will have been destroyed. They will hate you, they will hate him, and they may grow up doing the same thing Daddy does.

This is WRONG!! All WRONG!! I would hate to tell you what I would do to my husband AND YOU if I found out my husband were doing this to me.

He supports you financially, well, sorry to say that you are a kept woman. And also, with him supporting you financially, do you realize that the money he is supporting you with he is taking away from his KIDS!!

And NO he is NOT going to divorce his wife! No way! If he does decide to marry you he will be committing bigamy. Married to 2 women at the same time is against the law!

Don't you have any morals girl? I can't believe you actually thought that this was okay for 3 years!!

Sorry ilove... didn't mean to assume.:o

"ilovcali agrees: I'm actually a guy. Some of us have hearts too. :)"-so sorry I assumed. Forgive me, I should have taken that into consideration :o

I would hate to have this happen to me:eek: This poor married woman is being completely humiliated without even knowing it:mad: Man if I new these people I would go tell the poor wife and take both their butts through the ringer:mad: I cannot even believe this man is building a new house with another woman:eek: How does he keep this from him poor wife? #@* Man-O-Man-O-Man I could go on forever about how completely and morally wrong this whole situation is. This has been going on for three years, to boot:eek:

Poor wife and children is all I can say.

You do not under any circumstances move into that house until he is completely divorced.

You had no business in the first place being a MISTRESS - and that's all it is. He's married.

I agree with Wildcat here to a degree. You must make sure that he is legally divorced. He can present you with a bunch of crap, but you will not know unless you get the court papers signed by the JUDGE!!

I am sure this will never happen though.

Her seeing divorce papers is like me owning the world. It will never happen.

That was my exact point T. It will never happen. She is a kept woman and will continue to be so until everything blows up in her face.

And you are attracted to this coward of a man who is literally plotting to leave his wife and children because?? Only a coward has 2 babies with a woman and then decides he doesn't feel like he's still in love. Marriage is about Commitment, not necessarily just feelings. He doesn't have "feelings" for her anymore?? So, when he wakes up one morning and decides he doesn't have "feelings" for you anymore and leaves you for a younger model, will that be okay? He dishonors his wife and children with his behavior and the fact that he is stealing money from them to give to you should keep you up at night, apparently it doesn't. He is lying to you, sad divorce story or not, don't trust him. Your feelings are blinding your good judgment. Don't allow it any longer.

The most honorable thing you could do is leave this man 100% and let him try and work things out with his wife and family. You owe them at least that for all the time, finances and attention you have taken.

You need to work on yourself right now. Get a job and get back your independence. Also, I hate to put it this way, but if he'd leave his wife for you, guess who he'll leave next for someone else? And so on and so on... If I were in your shoes I'd have serious doubts too and not just over him getting angry when you woke him up. That's the least of your worries right now.

If he doesn't want his children to be the product of a divorced home then why is he risking giving them up by having an affair. That would work against him in a divorce proceeding. Furthermore, I'm sure the children, no matter how young they are would rather go through a divorce then find out there father leads a secret life away from home.

Wildcat will hate me for this because it's the nice guy in me but when this is over your going to say to yourself and your friends that no guy out there can be trusted or that all guys cheat and there are no good guys but in reality there are many of them and we would never do anything like this to the woman we love. That's why we can't ever understand why women put themselves in these situations.

You've given him everything and gotten nothing in return. If he died today you'd literally have nothing. All his belongings would become his wife's property and you'd be screwed over much worse than you are now.