Ask Me Help Desk - Why is he cooling off

I've been seeing a guy for 3 months and it has been great, we have a lot in common and enjoy spending time, talking and laughing together, basically, it has been great. However, just recently he seems to be cooling off, he doesn't contact me as often as he did. Nothing has changed as far as I can see.

He has explained that he doesn't want a heavy relationship, which is fine, I feel the same to a degree, as I broke up with my long term partner a few months ago. I have moved at his pace and left most of the arranging of dates to him. I think though that sometimes I'm too 'available' and accommodating but that is just me, I don't do it to win him over. We're both in our mid 30's and neither of us have been married or have children, but we have had our fair share of 'failed relationships'. Neither of us are very forthcoming with our feelings, but I think that is down to the fact that we are both wary. I really do like him, but am too scared to tell him in case I frighten him off!

We used to see each other once or twice a week, and be in contact most days and a couple of weeks ago we saw each other almost every day, but since then I haven't seen him. Again, I best explain, he is working away at the moment, so I understand I won't be able to see him as often as I'd like. However, I would expect some regular contact, like a text, e-mail or call, but they're just not happening. I have sent him a couple of messages - not too many - he always replies to my messages and they are very chatty and friendly, like they've always been, but he is not initiating the contact like he used to. Do you think this means he wants to end it? Or is he just going through a phase of wanting some space? If so - How long does this sort of phase last for? Anyway, I'd be glad to hear your opinions. Thanks for 'listening'

After 3 months, your still getting to know each other, and I'll bet he knows he needs to slow things down as its way to early for the deep relationship stuff. I imagine you both have learned a few lessons along the way, so I think he knows not to rush it this time. He's right, go slow for now. Have fun getting to know each other. Make sure you have a life without him, that makes you happy, so you don't just sit and wait for the phone to ring, or wonder if he is interested.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCC

He has explained that he doesn't want a heavy relationship, which is fine, I feel the same to a degree,

To a degree. That’s the problem right there. This guy deserves a lot of credit, he’s not lying to you or leading you on. He’s explained exactly his position and you not in agreement with it. You may not want to get married this weekend but you clearly seem to be pushing for more then what he wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCC

I have moved at his pace and left most of the arranging of dates to him. I think though that sometimes I'm too 'available' and accommodating but that is just me, I don't do it to win him over.

But it’s not winning him over. It’s pushing him away. Because he told you he wasn’t looking for a heavy relationship and if your always available it does the exact opposite win him over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCC

We're both in our mid 30's and neither of us have been married or have children, but we have had our fair share of 'failed relationships'. Neither of us are very forthcoming with our feelings, but I think that is down to the fact that we are both wary. I really do like him, but am too scared to tell him in case I frighten him off!!

Well you will frighten him off. If he’s in his mid 30’s he’s gotten accustomed to living with himself and doing things for himself. Your fresh off a relationship and your wanting to do couples things. He wants to be single and maybe months from now if things work out then start something. Your no where close in what you want.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCC

We used to see each other once or twice a week, and be in contact most days and a couple of weeks ago we saw each other almost every day, but since then I haven't seen him. Again, I best explain, he is working away at the moment, so I understand I won't be able to see him as often as I'd like. However, I would expect some regular contact, like a text, e-mail or call, but they're just not happening. I have sent him a couple of messages - not too many - he always replies to my messages and they are very chatty and friendly, like they've always been, but he is not initiating the contact like he used to. Do you think this means he wants to end it?

I think it means your not listening to what he’s saying to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCC

Or is he just going through a phase of wanting some space? If so - How long does this sort of phase last for? Anyway, I'd be glad to hear your opinions. Thanks for 'listening'

Well back off and give him space. Back off for a month or 6 weeks and let him contact you. Then you can determine if he wants space or just wants to go really slow. Either way you are pushing him to soon to fast so you need to back up from him and just enjoy your new life as a single.

Thank you for all your comments, it's just confirmed what I already knew deep down. You know what we women are like, need reassurance ALL the time!