Hi everyone,

I have been broken up with my ex for over 3-4 years but I still have some contact with him.
He is with someone else but I still love him... ALOT!!

Should I tell him how I feel or just let it go as he has a new girlfriend?

Three to four years of your life. That's 1,095 to 1,460 days spent loving someone who is not returning your love.

I'm sure there are reasons you're stuck and unable to move on. As this is a major loss in your life, there are stages of grief that need to be experienced: shock and denial, anger, guilt, depression, anxiety, acceptance, and healing. Your boyfriend has probably accepted and healed based on the fact that he is now in a new relationship. I'm not sure what stage of grief you're trapped in. You're possibly still shocked and in denial. Four years of denial is a good deal of time, yes, but it could be worse. Some people spend their entire lives in denial. Why? Because the truth of the situation is so incredibly painful that it's easier to deny it.

I recommend trying your best to face the painful truth of this situation. It will hurt and you'll cry and be in pain. And that's OK. Just prepare yourself for it by, for example, putting a time limit on yourself for crying each day or forcing yourself to do something fun after. What is the truth? Based on the facts you've shared, the truth seems to be that you two are no longer a couple and he has a new girlfriend. (1) You are no longer his girlfriend. (2) He is with someone else. (There may be many other truths that you'll have to face in regard to this situation that only you know.)

You've probably felt a lot of pain the last few years (sadness and anger) but you're still harboring hope that a miracle will happen. But it's much better to face the facts of today instead of wishes of what could have been or what might be.

You have been holding on to false hope an awful long time, and its time to let it go, and disappear from his life, and live your own.

What could he be telling you that had you holding on for that long?

Not to be nosey(?) but you haven't been intimate with him, have you?

I don't think it helps that you have contact with him. It looks as if you never really gave yourself a time to heal. You just broke up, but then maintained contact with him. I do wonder, as Tal does, if there is some unmentioned details that give you false hope, as 3 - 4 years is a lot of time to hold onto hope, even if you have casual contact with him... is it only casual contact that you have?

You just need to cut contact and build a life you enjoy. In that 3 - 4 years time you could have built an incredible life that doesn't include him, and so many opportunities were right in front of you, had you had your head turned to the front, rather than looking behind you.

No more wasting your life for someone that has clearly moved on without you. Do this for yourself. You have the power to change, so quit giving it to him, and reclaim the life you should have had 4 years earlier. Good luck!

I miss him a lot but he doesn't want to know me!!

I GUESS I SHOULD MOVE ON!!

Ive always loved him no matter what! :(

You know I had the same problem letting go of my first love. I loved him from age 15-20 and there was only one way I got over him. I re-dated him. Let him him go because you two will never have what you once had. You're two very different people now and you won't like not having that same person you once loved so much. Even if he wanted you back you'll never be as happy as you once were it would only hurt you more. You've lost him over the years and now you need to move on.

It's okay to still have feelings for an ex, but you need to open your eyes and realize you're just wasting your time. What's the point of loving someone who does not love you back?

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Ive always loved him no matter what! :(

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Many of us block our futures by holding on to old comfortable feelings, instead of making new ones, that make us happy. While its normal, and okay to feel love of the past, you still have to get busy and live in the present to make a happy future, for yourself.

Make sure you love yourself as much if not more than you love what you had in the past. That's what moving on is all about, you being GOOD to yourself, and giving yourself a chance to build YOUR OWN happiness.

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Originally Posted by Purple Tulip

Should i tell him how i feel or just let it go as he has a new gf??

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Just cut all the contacts. You don't owe an explanation to him. They will find out on their own anyway. Best to move somewhere to start a new life. Don't leave space for drama as nobody cares. They are happy, you aren't so start finding it, now.

Get a puppy

I was in the same situation. It is denial. That's exactly what it is - DENIAL. If this is the one true love you've had in your life, you've probably realised how cruel and ultimately negative a thing love is. You've probably realised without realising it that love is, in fact, mythical, fleeting, always unreciprocated and just a catch-all term for other, mostly negative emotions such as loneliness, desperation, depression, insecurity etc. Love is when all those feelings are satiated, except love is the full force of all those feelings combined, and will always drive your loved one away. The more depth to your 'love', the further away you will push them. That's because, the more you love someone, the more apparent your desperation becomes - and desperation is the ugliest thing anyone can possess.

The denial part comes in from realising precisely what love is on some level and not wanting to accept it. Realising it is not the fluffy, never-ending paradise that it is paraded as in pop culture/literature/art. The biggest, and most difficult to swallow, denial comes from realising what love actually is, then realising that you aired all your dirty laundry in front of the person you love, oblivious to the fact that you were doing so. You paraded all your desperate feelings in their face, believing that they were seeing and experiencing the same wonderful feelings as yourself, when in actual fact, they were seeing all the different component parts that made up the totality of your 'love' (see above for list of components). Then they dump you and do not want anything to do with you ever again. What's cruelest is that, from their point of view - having seen you in full love mode - it seems like a reasonable, obvious and guilt-free decision to make, whereas from your point of view, you were in 'love', you had exalted someone to the most high pedestal and they walked, right when it would hurt the most. Oh the embarrassment of realising what you were like.

You see, what you feel as love for someone else, that someone else sees it as all your own negativies. The negativities power the force of your love. The whole game is set up to lose. Love is a myth. These are the realisations we have, and which are so bitter, that it is easier to deny they exist. They must be accepted at some point though.