Hello,

I've been with this girl for 2 years now, for the first year and a half I was unloving and ignoring her most of the time. I was going out with her for a few times and telling her how much I love her and once I return home I would call her and tell her that I don't love her and break-up with her and after a while I make up with her and re-do the whole thing.

Sometimes I would ignore her calls and don't call her for a week, even so she still loved me and continued to ask about me and care about me for the whole time.

Recently I came to my senses and realized that I do love her and we've been really great with each other and she forgave me for the things that I've done to her in the past and we've been planning to getting engaged, until a month ago I accidentally discovered that she is talking to another guy.

I did confront her and she was saying that nothing happened between them and that the guy is trying to ruin our relationship until I proved to her that she was talking with him and then she finally said everything.

She was talking with him on MSN and BlackBerry and on the phone and sending pictures of her and webcam and went out with him one time to a restaurant, I even had one chat that they were discussing going out and kissing each other and that stuff, that was like 2 months ago but it did not happen.

She said that she did all this because she knows this guy as he is a family friend and that he knows a lot of things about her family and that she did all this to make him say the secrets about the members of her family.

She said that she didn't love him and she was considering him as a friend nothing more, and even she spoke with my mother and aunt and explained her fault and that she is really sorry and she would like to make things up and do whatever thing that's better for me.

She is always telling me that I wanted to tell you about him but she was afraid I won't accept it, and that she is really sorry and that it won't happen again.

I am seriously in trouble and don't know what's best to do? I need your advice.

Thank you.

You absolutely sure you love her?

To me it sounds like you just don't want her to be with another one, and now that she's shown interest somewhere else, THEN you love her.

Frankly I don't understand why she was with you for so long, I mean it's like dating a 2-sided person.

Here's what you do:
If you sure you love her, then you take her word for it, you know trust her on making the right decision.
And if you don't love her, then you move on with your own life.

Thank you for your input.

I am sure about my love for her as I've realized that before knowing that she talks with another guy.

The way I am thinking about it is that she was after this guy and when I found out she stopped talking with him, while she is saying that they were only friends and nothing more.

If she was after that guy, It's probably for the best to end the relationship now.

Indeed.

There's plenty fish in the sea, stay with one you love, and vice versa - life's too short for problems..

Listen you need to end this relationship, simply because this woman deserves a real man. For the first 1.5 you admit what a jerk you were to her, and that just a short amount of time ago that you even realized how much you really cared, and only then did you really start treating her with RESPECT!!

So now this happens and instead of even trying to trust her or perhaps get some couple counseling you are ready to move on, well for her sake keep moving!!

Perhaps she is looking for a man that will be FULLY committed to her without playing games first, without making her basically beg him for a commitment. Perhaps she is wanting to know if there is a man out there that REALLY understands and shows the meaning of love!!

Don't know what is going on in her mind, but then I am a stranger. If is was someone that you love and have a history of treating like crap, but want to make it work then you might want to put MORE effort into the relationship---get that couple counseling--if it doesn't work, then you can at least walk away knowing that you did try.

I don't get it, you emotionally abuse your female, and she sticks with you, now you don't trust her??

Your love is unhealthy, and poison, and you need to let her go, and get some help. I mean what more can the poor girl do since she has apologized to your family for HER mistakes.

I don't know what part of the world you are from, or your culture, or traditions, but the girl is a saint that deserves better, She stayed with you through YOUR mistakes, and you are the luckiest fool in the world that she did.

Can't you do better than this??

Quote:

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first year and a half I was unloving and ignoring her most of the time

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More fool her for sticking around.

So she chatted with another guy. Damn right. I would have hedged my bets with someone else too if I got treated like a welcome mat.

Surely she could do better than you. Its like beating a puppy and then after 1.5 years of abuse expect it to bring you your slippers.

Like that's going to happen.