Ask Me Help Desk - Make the crazy ex stop

Hi everyone! OK so here's the story, my boyfriend & I have been together for well over a year now, & its been almost 3 years since he was with his ex-girlfriend (now keep in mind that she cheated on him endlessly & laughed at him when he told her that he thought he was in love with her, saying that he didn't know what love was & then broke up with him). The problem is that ever since my boyfriend & I started dating she just won't to leave him alone.

She never actually comes up to him in person, she just messages and prank calls him ALL the time. I know he could just change his number but that would be a huge hassle because he uses it for work & we have tried barring her number but that doesn't stop her from calling or texting on other phones. We are both getting so sick of hearing from her.

She always says the same old crap like... "i was so stupid for letting you go. i miss & love you so much, blah blah blah" not to mention the several times that she has said that if he didn't go see her right then & there that she will kill herself and it would be all his fault. But we both know that that's just a ploy to get him to feel sorry for her & get him around there so she can try something on him. Its really is pathetic & desperate of her.

We have tried all we can think of, snapping back at her & telling her to get a life & leave him alone just gets us the response that we are being childish & ignorant (yeah we're childish:confused: ). Ignoring her results in her calling & hanging up for hours on end! Like on christmas eve, we had to be up really early to get to the coast, she messaged at like 9pm and when he ignored her she kept calling until like 3 in the morning! & it made it worse because he couldn't turn his phone off because we needed the alarm.

We are seriously starting to get frustrated with this psycho (no exaggeration, this isn't even close to half of what she says & does) , she just doesn't get it! Every time he asks her why she doesn't understand that he doesn't want anything to do with her & that he's happy with me & isn't leaving me, she just laughs & tells him that she always loved his sense of humor! OMFG!!

PLEASE PLEASE! Someone help, we are going CRAZY! We don't want to go as far as going to the cops or court, because honestly, with the way she is it would make things worse. I know that in a sick way (because she has said), she wants it to go that far so she can feel proud that she drove us to that extreme.

I'm really sorry that that was soooooo long everyone. This girl is mental & she will be the death of us if we don't find a solution to make her back off & soon. Again sorry this was long, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read it & give me their opinions, it will be VERY appreciated :)

I think your boyfriend should speak to both the phone company and the police. The police may send an officer around to speak with her which could be enough to stop her. Usually people like this feel that there is hope because they have been given hope. If he speaks with her at all, it's giving her hope. She needs to know he is serious about it being over.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

Quote:

Originally Posted by grammadidi

I think your boyfriend should speak to both the phone company and the police. The police may send an officer around to speak with her which could be enough to stop her. Usually people like this feel that there is hope because they have been given hope. If he speaks with her at all, it's giving her hope. She needs to know he is serious about it being over.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

Thanks for the reply. Aside from telling her to leave him alone (which usually comes after hours of ignoring her but her persisting) he doesn't speak to her at all. Also my older sisters dad is a cop & one time when he was visiting he confronted her & told her that she can be charged not only for harassment but for threatening to kill herself & saying it will be on his head. She didn't know he was my sisters dad & just kept denying that she had even done anything despite the fact he had proof. It didn't scare her one bit. & that's why I know that she wants us to go to the police because she really enjoyed knowing she got under our skin. & it got worse from there out, that's why I think she is just plain crazy.

Oh & I forgot to mention before a few days ago she messaged him claiming to be pregnant with his kid (3 years of being pregnant... yeah... ) when we asked when she got pregnant she came out with a date when we weren't even in the same state, & then she changed he mind & said a few days after that (we were still away then) & changed her mind again & said it was a week before her first answer (we had left 2 days prior). No response for a few hours then she came back admitting she was lying, she knows she hasn't even seen him since they broke up, she hasn't even run into him on the street. I just don't get it all. What's wrong with this woman?!

What is wrong with this woman is that she is getting some kind of reward for contacting him/you. You say that you don't communicate with her, but you do! You say that changing his number would be a hassle, but it sounds to me like getting all these calls etc. is more of a hassle!

You also say:

"we have tried all we can think of, snapping back at her & telling her to get a life & leave him alone "

"everytime he asks her why..."

"aside from telling her to leave him alone (which usually comes after hours of ignoring her but her persisting) he doesnt speak to her at all"

"when we asked when she got pregnant she came out with a date when we weren't even in the same state, & then she changed he mind & said a few days after that (we were still away then) & changed her mind again & said it was a week before her first answer (we had left 2 days prior). no response for a few hours then she came back "

I'm sorry, but this gal is getting LOT'S of negative attention for continuing contact. There must be NO response at all.

1. Again... if she is calling him repeatedly and hanging up the FIRST thing to do is call the phone company and report it.

2. He should change his cell phone number.

3. Change your home phone number and make it a private number.

4. In the meantime report ALL contact to the police and DO NOT RESPOND to one text message or phone call AT ALL!

That is the ONLY solution to this problem. If you or he don't take this advice then you must be getting something out of this as well. You see, she might try the contact, get none, so she tries again. If it works, the whole process starts all over. If it doesn't work, she will try again later... and maybe again... but the times will gradually lessen and dwindle down to nothing. It's just like a spoiled child. They will test from time to time once they are denied, and every time a parent gives in they go right back to the old habit of begging incessantly. I hope you are both strong enough to take the required action.

Good luck!

Didi

Quote:

Originally Posted by grammadidi

I think your boyfriend should speak to both the phone company and the police. The police may send an officer around to speak with her which could be enough to stop her. Usually people like this feel that there is hope because they have been given hope. If he speaks with her at all, it's giving her hope. She needs to know he is serious about it being over.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

I agree... you have to draw a line and here and now is as good a time as any. She likely doesn't grasp that what she is doing is wrong. And that's just what it might take.

Change all your numbers and if she calls then something is up? Maybe?

If you're not willing to bring in the police on this then you're really just inviting her to keep this up. Don't think of calling that cops as her winning, think of calling the cops as you winning, because she stops, you get peace and you can live your life without her. You said your boyfriend hasn't seen her since then so the phone is the only way she keeps contact then it will be done.

It sounds like she has some serious mental issues! Nobody wants to get anyone in trouble, but if you call the cops, maybe she will have a chance to get some help for herself. She obviously needs it. She sounds like my cousin's ex-wife. He had to get the police involved, and even hire private security for his wedding to his new wife! Hopefully, she will stop before it gets that crazy!

This is what you do:

1. tell her in no uncertain terms that you (he) is over her and they will NEVER get back.
He does not love her. He never will. And if she calls him one more time she will be getting a visit from the police.
2. keep every email she has sent (print them out)
3. log every call/ text she has made (print if your phone company can do that)
4. go to the police AFTER the number is recorded (if it is a large # they will give her a warning)
5. the threat alone may slow her down
6. do NOT under any circumstances communicate BACK to her anymore after 1-5.
NOT ONCE.

That is all you can do.

Good luck.