I have unfortunately been in an affair for over a year now. Everything was of course, always on his terms. He has recently decided (for reasons unknown to me) that he wants out of the affair. I knew it would eventually come to this, but I find myself left heartbroken and angry. I feel like calling his wife to let her know but am not sure if that is what I should do. If I choose to, how would I go about telling her?

YOU TELL HER NOTHING!!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - don't you understand this guy was using you!! You were ONLY the mistress.

Let me guess - he promised he would leave - or he has a really bad marriage - lies, lies, lies. Don't women understand that a lot of married guys will lie, cheat, and steal just to sleep with them - nothing more. They don't care about you.


Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh - I don't get - that some how they justify that's it's OK to sleep with a married guy.

What a worthless life sneekaing around.

"Everything was of course, always on his terms." - OF COURSE IT WAS!! And you believed every word he said.

I think you should go see a therpaist and figure out why you even considered this in the first place.

It's senseless to even get involved with a married man. You get involved WHEN he shows you the SIGNED divorce papers AND he has his OWN place.

You will get no simpathy here.

Go find a healthy relationship with a SINGLE guy. Hello?

AAAHHH... I think that "Wildcat" has said it all!!

Please don't tell his wife. I know you want to hurt him but because he's such a self-centered jerk, it won't, but it will destroy his marriage, his wife and any children he may have. They did nothing to you, don't tear their world apart. Even if you think the wife should know, she probably already does and stays to keep the family intact.

I don't think very highly of women who do what you did and I happen to know that women like you don't think very highly of yourselves either. However, if you have any decency or integrity left in you, please leave him and other married men alone from now on.

I am blunt -but I hate cheaters. I've never been cheated on - but seen what it does.

SEE - if he cheated on his wife - HE WOULD cheat on you!! Hello?

Once a cheater always a cheater.

Revenge of this sort is the kind of thing that will wear heavy on your heart for a loooooong time to come. In fact, I believe it will gain you something bad down the road. He has a right to end the affair anytime just as do you. Grow up and own that you didn't know what you were getting into then and now you do. Holy cow! Make this pain count for something in the way of personal growth for yourself instead of spreading it around for everyone, innocent or not, to suffer in too. Othewise you are behaving worse than the shabby way he did.

Two wrongs will never make it right.

Work on your insecurities and self esteem.

I've been in the wife's shoes before. And if you value any of yourself worth, esteem, confidence and future happiness?

I seriously suggest you find something else to occupy your time. If you have to sleep with a married man, then you need to treat yourself a little better instead of putting yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable in aspects you SHOULDN'T be.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are MUCH better and worth more than some guy's 'second time around'. Tell yourself that life has much better things to offer than drama, trouble and people who will use you for their own sake.

You will be over him soon enough, trust me. He isn't the only man out there. And please do nothing, if he ended it, it could mean that he really is genuine about sticking with his wife and working things out with her... if that were the case, wouldn't you want that for her? Sure, he's a schmuck for cheating on her in the first place, but its her choice whether she sticks with him.

Take care, and good luck. Treat yourself well, and others will too.

I can't believe you actually come here looking for sympathy. You did right?

You make me sick! You do!! Sorry but I won't sugar coat it.

Plus, what do you mean "Everything was of course, always on his terms."??

Are you suggesting that he was the only party at fault here.

Don't destroy an innocent persons life because you are no longer someone's booty call!

Work on you. Learn from your mistakes and make sure you never get involved with something like this again.

Oooh this made me mad!

I am sorry, but I can't sugar coat either. I was once that wife. My ex cheating with women like you destroyed my life and destroyed the life of my two young children. Not only for a short time of recovery for me, but for the entire lives of my then 2 young boys.

If the wife does not know, but I am sure she does, you will ruin their lives forever. Did you read that? FOREVER!!

You my dear only have a few short months of recovery before you are on to the next man. But the lives of this trusting woman and her children, if indeed there are any, are ruined for the rest of their lives.

You my dear just need to keep your mouth shut.

Forget calling his wife, you might later regret it ! I would forget him and find another man, this time not a married one ! And Don't, please don't become reliant totally on anyone ! You are worthwile and a good person, believe in yourself.

Can I also point you in the direction of this thread. Please read post #9 from Jessie. This may give you a better perspective of this mans wife. Please please read the post I'm talking about. It may be enough for you to broaden your narrow minded thinking.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post177037

L-HUMBLE,The best thing you can do is take this as a wake-up call and spend the time to work on yourself, as you can see there is not a lot of sympathy for you here. With hard work and help you can make yourself into a better person and enjoy healthy relationships and not be used and abused by married men. I feel you deserve better. You don't have to settle for being a used homewrecker, there are way better ways of living. Please leave married men and their families alone.

She did private e-mail me - she realizes what she did was wrong - the guy (as always) took advantage of her at a low point in her life.

Hopefully it's over and she finds a HEALTHY relationship!!

No don't tell his wife its not worth ruining there marriage and its best to stay out of it. This guy is a jerk. He obviously didn't care about his wife and the marriage they had why would he care for your feelings. Like someone else posted you were "just the mistress" I don't mean that to sound hurtful. But in many ways you knew he was married and got involved anyway so in a sense there must have been a part of you that knew he would do this to you most men who cheat and don't leave there wives have a typical pattern like this.
Getting back at him and destroying his marriage isn't right. His WIFE doesn't deserve that. And if he ended the affair because he wants to work out the marriage with her then he has that right and you shouldn't interfere.
I don't just blame him but also you it takes two to tango and your both to blame, so don't destroy her life just because your angry and upset. Just take it as a lesson learned and moved on he isn't worth your time and effort.

I love how the wives stick up for each other and get mad at other women. Be mad at your cheating husband! "You will get no sympathy here" Haha, that is funny!

To the girl asking the question, my advise is to not call the wife! If he wanted out of the affair, it is his choice. You will be better for you in the long run. Think of it as blessing in disguise. The best thing you can do for yourself now is find someone else.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hannah_Marie

I love how the wives stick up for each other and get mad at other women. Be mad at your cheating husband! "You will get no sympathy here" Haha, that is funny!

---

And you really think we were NOT mad at the cheating husband? What a joke, of course we were!!

We are talking to the other woman here, we are telling her that she is a homewrecker.

If a woman knows a man is married, he is off limits. Period. So yes, we are angry at the woman too.

So, Hannah, please do not assume anything in answering here. It is apparent you already are running into criticism for your answers so far.

Interesting... you allowed her husband to sleep with you and now that he has tossed you aside you want to tell his wife. That will accomplish nothing... it definitely won't make him come back to you. Honestly you finally got what you deserved. He hurt you now you want to hurt his wife, haven't you already overstepped your boundaries. That is their relationship and their life. Save what ever dignity and self respect you have left and stay out of it

Put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if one day a woman calls you up and tells you that she has an affair with your husband?

You may have the urge to take revenge on this guy cause you're hurt. But I can guarantee you that you'll regret it.

Just move on.

I know that you wish to tell his wife about the affair for revenge, but a man who cheats on his wife is not known for his honesty or integrity anyway, so he will likely deny everything you say to her anyway. He will cover his a** by telling her that you are just some psycho girl who is obsessed with him is making it all up. He'll tell his wife that want him but can't have him and are consequently trying to break up his marriage. Guarantee it. Then he'll be angry and may try to seek revenge on you. Have you seen the movie, "Fatal Attraction"? If not, watch it.

Just let this go and be grateful you are out of this mess anyway.