Hello,

My ex and I had a child in 1997. We were married 2 years later (1999) and separated a year after that (2000). We have been separated the past 15 years but never actually got a divorce. We both still live in California.

The time has finally come to get this divorce taken care of. Our daughter is still 17 but will be 18 in November and is already off to college in Oregon on her own.

We have no assets or debts or disagreements or anything.. so hoping it will be a simple process.

Here are my questions:

1. Do we need to include our daughter in any of the divorce paperwork or can we proceed as if we don't have a child together? If we need to include her now, would I still need to include her if I just waiting 2 months until she is actually 18?

2. If I were to file the paperwork now, what would happen with any new assets or debts that I acquire during the 6 month waiting period? If I expect to acquire assets during that time, what can I do to protect them, if needed?

3. The (ex) wife still has my last name. She may want to keep it, as it is the last name of our daughter. Does a divorce affect the status of her name? Or is that a separate issue, if she were to want to change it back?

4. What is a standard rate to have someone take care of this for me? I got a quote from someone for $500 ($250 up front and $250 when final). Is that reasonable? I don't want to deal with any of the paperwork myself.

Thanks for any input you can provide :)

$500 is very reasonable.

Who is paying for her post high school education? That needs to be considered. Plus health insurance until she is 26 - who will she be covered under?

She is attending school on a grant that covers all of her tuition and living expenses in the dorm.

I left out an important detail here... back in 2002, while her mother and I were going through some difficult times, we signed guardianship (just guardianship, not custody) over to her grandparents. We never had that reverted and she has stayed at her grandparents as her primary residence.

She is currently covered under her grandfather's insurance, I believe.

If your child is under the age of 18 when you file then she will need to be included on any divorce paperwork. Also as far as assets that you gain after filing that part is up in the air. It is going to depend on how those assets were obtained. When filing for divorce your also filing for seperation so there is a split status going on as soon as you file. Another thing where you might not have thought of is spousal support. Having been married this long (over 10 years) the spousal support can last a lifetime. Do either of you have medical issues? That also may be considered by the courts.

A truely uncontested divorce is one thing but yours can get complicated very quickly. You both need to know exactly where you stand in the matter.

Considering your daughter will be 18 in 2 months, her grandparents have guardianship, and she is self sufficient at school, I don't believe she will need to be included in any of the paperwork.

Your ex can choose to keep your name, or change it back, not a big deal and pretty much just a clause in the divorce decree.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

$500 is very reasonable.

Who is paying for her post high school education? That needs to be considered. Plus health insurance until she is 26 - who will she be covered under?

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These are not issues considered under the California Family Courts. Once the child turns 18 then they are considered emancipated by law (also having finished high school or 19 whichever is sooner).

The facts surrounding medical insurance is something between the family members. Also post high school education expenses is voluntary and not required under the law as it is in some States.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Considering your daughter will be 18 in 2 months, her grandparents have guardianship, and she is self sufficient at school, I don't believe she will need to be included in any of the paperwork.

Your ex can choose to keep your name, or change it back, not a big deal and pretty much just a clause in the divorce decree.

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The OP needs to wait on filing until after the childs 18th birthday to avoid complications.

Gaurdianship and legal custody are seperate issues. If either parent still has legal custody then they will have to include the child on court documents unless beyond the age of 18 (emancipated). Right now the child is operating in a grey area because they are not emancipated and therefore can not legally sign a binding contract. Not until after emancipation.

Excellent. Thank you everyone for your input so far.

It sounds like waiting until she is 18 is the way to go for now. But that cuts into the time I have remaining before this potential gain.

I expect this potential gain as early as February. Basically, it would be from selling a software product I helped develop over the past couple years. She doesn't even know what I do for a living so she has no idea that this might happen. We have talked about getting this taken care of many times over the years and have both agreed to make it as simple as possible.

As for spousal support, she definitely wouldn't request it. But maybe the court would... or possibly even require it? We have lived separately for 15 years and even filed taxes separately 14 of those years, if that helps.

Will the court even recognize that we have been separated? Or since we never had a legal separation, will they still consider it like we have been married and living together this whole time?

There has been no filing and that is what the courts will use as a base. Right now from what your saying the gain you are seeking may have to be shared with her since you were married while it was under development. It may have to be disclosed during financial statements.

This is where the $500 divorce starts going off the rails.

Yikes... okay. Well, not what I had hoped to hear. But I really appreciate your feedback.

Ok, hypothetically, if someone moved to Nevada for 6 weeks then decided to file for a divorce in Nevada and had it finalized in just a couple weeks.. then decided to sell a business product after the finalized divorce, would any of those gains be able to be considered at that point?

I don't pretend to know Cali law, but, considering your living situation, tax situation, etc. I wonder if it's possible for the divorce to be finalized within 30 days after filing since it is uncontested ans there are no assets that need divided, as long as you file after your daughter is 18.

I know it's possible in Tennessee, not sure about California.

Yeah, I had looked into somehow waiving the 6 month waiting period but it appears to be mandatory... thanks though.

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Originally Posted by DrJ

Yikes... okay. Well, not what I had hoped to hear. But I really appreciate your feedback.

Ok, hypothetically, if someone moved to Nevada for 6 weeks then decided to file for a divorce in Nevada and had it finalized in just a couple weeks.. then decided to sell a business product after the finalized divorce, would any of those gains be able to be considered at that point?

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Residency requirements for Nevada would have to be met before you can file anything from that state. Also even if divorced if it is discovered that you were hiding assets then it could be revisited.

The main point here is that you are trying to hide an asset so as not to share it with your wife. I'm guessing there is an offer on the table to buy this software product. As soon as your wife finds out about it, she can reopen the divorce and the courts will look very dimly on you having tried to hide the asset.

So you are better off coming clean, letting her know of the asset and working out a settlement.

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Originally Posted by cdad

Residency requirements for Nevada would have to be met before you can file anything from that state. Also even if divorced if it is discovered that you were hiding assets then it could be revisited.

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Yes, I would be able to legally establish residency there and provide necessary proof, if I were to go down that road.

What we have right now can't quite be considered an asset. It is still in development and no offers have been made. Interest has been shown but we have kept it off the table for now until we feel development is complete.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

The main point here is that you are trying to hide an asset so as not to share it with your wife. I'm guessing there is an offer on the table to buy this software product. As soon as your wife finds out about it, she can reopen the divorce and the courts will look very dimly on you having tried to hide the asset.

So you are better off coming clean, letting her know of the asset and working out a settlement.

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I don't feel that she should be entitled to anything after living completely separate lives for so long. I feel like I am getting caught in a loophole in the law that is unfair and not aligned with the spirit of the law. When we were together, we were young, punk kids with nothing to our names. Even in the years apart, we had both had our ups and downs but still rent, drive old cars, and don't really hold anything of value. Except that now, due to the work I have done over the past couple years, there is a possibility of that work paying off.

However, there is no offer on the table as of yet so there is no value placed on our software, especially since it is not yet complete.

I've considered approaching her about it. While I don't think she would try to get anything from me, if she knew what we think the potential gain could be, I am not sure she would be able to resist. She is currently not in the best place in her life right now so if she were to try to go after anything, it would only be used to her own destruction, which makes the situation even more complicated. I would love to help her out, of course.. she is the mother of my child. But I am not okay with her taking a bunch of money that she shouldn't be entitled to only to waste it on her current lifestyle.

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I am kicking myself in the for not taking care of this years ago... but don't feel this should be the penalty.

We dont know what the courts will rule. We are just letting you know some of the things that could go on based on what we have seen through the years. As of right now you should at a minimum look at getting good representation as it sounds like you can not afford to be without it. The fact that the marriage has lasted for so long plays into it.

Lets just say everything goes as planned and 5 years from now after being divorced you come into wealth of some kind. A judge could because of the age of the marriage still order spousal support. That is why you must get an attorney that is familiar with california family law.

You can call the state bar assc and they can recommend someone to you and most offer a reduced fee for the first visit. Every court and jurisdiction handles things slightly different and they would be your best source for moving forward.

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Originally Posted by DrJ

I don't feel that she should be entitled to anything after living completely separate lives for so long. I feel like I am getting caught in a loophole in the law that is unfair and not aligned with the spirit of the law.

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Excuse me, but you made a decision not to seek a divorce for a long time. You should have gotten divorced when you first separated and entrusted your child to her grandparents. So, if you are getting caught in a loophole it is one of your own making by not taking action long ago. You could have done an uncontested no fault divorce years ago at minimal cost, but you didn't, so now you are paying the price of your folly.

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Originally Posted by cdad

Lets just say everything goes as planned and 5 years from now after being divorced you come into wealth of some kind. A judge could because of the age of the marriage still order spousal support.

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I understand that things like this can happen.. but it usually involves some sort of financial support during the marriage. In this case, there was none. Wouldn't such a ruling have to be based on her growing accustom to a lifestyle previously provided by my financial support?

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Originally Posted by cdad

That is why you must get an attorney that is familiar with california family law.

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Thanks.. I think this is what I need to do next just to make sure.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Excuse me, but you made a decision not to seek a divorce for a long time. You should have gotten divorced when you first separated and entrusted your child to her grandparents. So, if you are getting caught in a loophole it is one of your own making by not taking action long ago. You could have done an uncontested no fault divorce years ago at minimal cost, but you didn't, so now you are paying the price of your folly.

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I don't really know what you are trying to get at here.

The spirit of these laws are not to "stick it" to guys like me for not taking care of a divorce when they should have. Was it stupid of me to not get the divorce? Yes. Has it caused me many headaches, heartaches, and relationships? Yes. Should I have taken care of it YEARS ago? Of course. Should I have to pay a couple million dollar fine for it? Ummmmm... no, I don't think so. Thanks anyway.

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I appreciate the responses everyone. I will be contacting an attorney to take it from here.

You are working under the assumption that laws and courts are fair. That is not the best assumption. If you think that, then you take your chances in court, but showing that you have been separated and living apart for over 15 years. But you appear to be trying to do an end run around the courts and laws by getting your divorce before your windfall.

Yes you DO need an attorney.