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-   -   Kicked out while pregnant and I had my 9 yr old. My cultural husband disappears! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=765484)

  • Sep 3, 2013, 12:04 AM
    sbabangl
    Kicked out while pregnant and I had my 9 yr old. My cultural husband disappears!
    Culturally I called him my husband and I was his wife. (Yes we are both American born but our parents have cultural ties that we abide by for their sake) He became the step-dad to my daughter. He let his family put us in danger and we we're kicked out with no where to go. Then they tried to manipulate me and tell me that if I wanted to be with their son that I would have to live in a their dirty machine shop with no showers or beds. With the little money I had I made sure we had food. He just disappeared and won't respond and even moved to a different state without a word. Is this considered abandonment? And is it considered child endangerment what his family and him did to my daughter? Forget me I don't care cause I'm a grown woman but to kick out a 9yr old and want her to live under those circumstances is wrong in any and every way.

    I'm just curious and being proactive because I will be establishing paternity and I also want full custody and if the father wants he can have supervised limited visitation. My concern is for my son because of the way my daughter was treated. I was told to do my research and that there are organizations out there that can help protect me and my children from people like this due to culture.
  • Sep 3, 2013, 03:11 AM
    ScottGem
    So I assume you live in the US (ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.)

    A spouse leaving the other spouse and children would be considered abandonment, but you would use abandonment as grounds for support. Its not a criminal charge that you file.

    Whether there is a case against the family for endangerment, is not clear at all.

    I really don't understand what you mean by "cultural husband". In the US and many other places, for a marriage to be official there has to be a civil part to it. A marriage license and a ceremony performed by someone authorized by civil authorities. Generally, you can't get spousal support unless legally married, but you can get child support.

    If he did not father your daughter, he doesn't have responsibility for her, unless he adopted her.

    As for being "kicked out", you can't just be forced out of your home. There are legalities that have to be observed. If you were illegally evicted you may have grounds for a civil suit against the persons who kicked you out.
  • Sep 3, 2013, 03:19 AM
    joypulv
    This 'cultural husband' part is very mysterious, as is the part about being put in danger. Would you care to explain?

    He is not a stepfather to your 9 year old if you aren't married, and without his DNA, you won't be able to establish paternity when your child is born.

    His family has no obligation to you. You would have had better surroundings in a women's shelter. There is no case for endangerment.

    He can't legally be held for abandonment either. IF you can locate him and get his DNA and prove he is the father, then you can file in court for child support.
  • Sep 3, 2013, 05:30 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Are you legally married or not ? If you are in the US and not legally married, he is a boyfriend not a husband. There is no such thing as "culturely married" there is legally married, or not married.

    You need to find a place to live, get a job,and take care of your child. I will assume you are not married, so you need to file for child custody.
  • Sep 3, 2013, 09:10 AM
    sbabangl
    Yes I have actually researched all those options. And spoke to many attorneys regarding my situation. I have tracked him down myself and actually have everything I need to present to my attorney. I can locate him faster and easier then the going through state services. I know his financial background more then that state would also and yes I have evidence regarding this. I am well prepared. I know he will have visitation rights but I just want them limited. Why? Because his prior behavior and actions prove that he is not stable and unfit. Legally there's nothing I can do. Hopefully the court can see his actions and find him unfit for the time being until he can prove that he is able to provide a safe environment and safe living condition for our child. Legally they may look at his past actions having nothing to do with my case. I guess as a parent you wouldn't want your child to live in a place where there's not showers or beds and have the possibility of the parent who would throw a child out without any thought to save his own butt.
  • Sep 3, 2013, 09:27 AM
    ScottGem
    If you have an attorney they will instruct you on what is and isn't acceptable evidence. But the fact that he left without letting you know where he was should be sufficient grounds to get supervised visits, at lease initially.
  • Sep 8, 2013, 03:07 AM
    GV70
    I still cannot understand...

    My cultural husband... He became the step-dad to my daughter... Is this considered abandonment? And is it considered child endangerment what his family and him did to my daughter?. but to kick out a 9yr old and want her to live under those circumstances is wrong in any and every way.. . I know he will have visitation rights...


    Are you LEGALLY married?
    Have you ever registered civil partnership?
  • Sep 8, 2013, 12:47 PM
    N0help4u
    Is this culture thing like the Quakers self uniting or common law? I don't know many states that go by these. I agree with Joy that his parents have no obligation to you. By them telling you if you want to be with our son you would have to live in a their dirty machine shop with no showers or beds it sounds to me like you really are not with their son even if he hadn't disappeared. If I were you I would go to a shelter or Salvation Army they can direct you to places that will help you. They can help you start a whole new life. GET away from these people and cut ties with them as much as possible.
  • Sep 8, 2013, 02:32 PM
    AK lawyer
    Until OP comes back, explains where she is, and what she means by "cultural husband", I don't think there is really anthing more to be done here.

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