I am really tired of my son. He is about to make me snap. He doesn't do his work, lies all the times, sneaks around and tears things up. On Christmas he set my boyfriends rug on fire and a few weeks prior it was the blinds. He was setting the pens on fire and that is how the rug got set on fire. He sits and plays for hours at the table not eating. I have beat him, punished him, sent him with his dad and we go to church. I don't know what else to do. I really want him to learn discipline. He goes to a private school and he has made honor roll every year but since he turned seven he has been on my nerves.

There are boot camps for younger children.

I never believe in beating, and I hope that was a poor choice of words. A spanking perhaps.

Has everything been taken away from him, TV, computer, extra clothes, games, till he earns them back by good behavior

We did something at home years ago for eating, they had 30 min to eat, at the end of the meal, the food was put away and that was it, they waited till the next meal.

Yes, but it doesn't work because he never misses that stuff he does not care. I got to a point where instead of spanking him I would talk to him and give him rewards for good behavior and he didn't care. I tried counseling but the only counselor that will see him only works certain hours and I have to work. I put him in sports but he doesn't want to even do that.

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Originally Posted by spency

I am really tired of my son. He is about to make me snap. He doesn't do his work, lies all the times, sneaks around and tears things up. On Christmas he set my boyfriends rug on fire and a few weeks prior it was the blinds. He was setting the pens on fire and that is how the rug got set on fire. He sits and plays for hours at the table not eating. I have beat him, punished him, sent him with his dad and we go to church. I don't know what else to do. I really want him to learn discipline. He goes to a private school and he has made honor roll every year but since he turned seven he has been on my nerves.

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It is easy to see that you are near the 'snapping' point as you say. But, from what I've read, you need to get a grip on disciplining this young boy, before things get worse. He, won't 'snap' out of it. He needs good, consistent parenting.

The minute you raise your hand to 'beat him' and 'punish him', you should be able to realize that it is you, not him, out of control. If your only options when he starts fires are to react the way you do, which is essentially not dealing with the issues, is really asking for more of the same. If this is unchecked, your son will get worse, not better.

He needs to be assessed, by a professional who can observe and test him. What he is doing may not have anything to do with just pissing you off to get his own way, but motivated by emotions, fears, and needs (that are not being met). That, in my opinion, is the place to start.

You want to send him to boot camp, I take to mean that you are at the end of your rope, and/or, you want somebody else to take over and 'fix' him.

You need to step up, as a mother, and figure out what is going on with this kid, and when you know, you need to learn, with help, how to manage his behaviour without always resorting to the last resort, which is physical punishment. From how you have described him, I doubt that simply taking away his toys, or going to church, will resolve anything.

He is starting fires! Even that one factor alone should be big enough alarm bells to get him to a professional. It's a very poor excuse to say that you can't get counselling because you couldn't find one that fit your schedule.

This isn't about you, it's about him. Parenting is hard work. Do what you need to do to to help him. Knock on doors, get an assessment done, follow any suggestions i.e. parenting classes, etc. Be prepared to assume that what is going on with your son, is going to require a lot of hard work.

Put your needs aside, and put your son's needs, first.

If he has become as uncontrollable as you describe, time to have a visit to his doctor to discuss your concerns. Document what has gone on, what you have set as consequences, and what his response has been.

His doctor, along with his school, should be sources for help with counseling. The school itself will likely have a counselor available for you to discuss your concerns with.

I am with you totally! I have spanked my child, set him in the corner, taken things away from him, grounded him. I'm at loss now. He is 7 too! He hasn't ever set anything on fire... but he's out of control... when we have family or just anone at the house that don't usually come he acts like a wild animal! Running on his hands and feet! His biological father has nothing to do with him and he is such a smart child he knows everything that goes on... and what doesn't go on... I need help with mine as well... I been thinking about counseling but I'm a little hesitant about going and spilling out everything to a total stranger...
Not knowing whether is will be beneficial or not... I pray for you. I'm in the same boat with my child...

If you find a respectful,kind and well behaved child, 9 times out of ten that's a well beaten child. If the child doesn't respect out of love, he will respect you out of fear! Do what it takes to get your respect. Think about back then when corporal punishment was allowed we had little problems with youth.

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Originally Posted by vcastillo1324

If you find a respectful,kind and well behaved child, 9 times out of ten thats a well beaten child. If the child doesnt respect out of love, he will respect you out of fear! Do what it takes to get your respect. think about back then when corporal punishment was allowed we had little problems with youth.

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I disagree with you! I have many respectful students that are kind and well-behaved. They are not beaten! They have learned to listen to adults and to respect them. Reward children when they do the right thing, and take away those rewards when they misbehave. You don't need to have corporal punishment.