Entire story merged
First off, thank you to anyone who reads this... get ready for some DRAMA!!
I am in a unique situation & I need advice. I am a 27 year old man from the east coast. I have a good job & I love to have fun. Now that you have a basic idea of who I am...
Basically my father remarried a woman from another country 4 years ago. She had a daughter. She brought the daughter here to the states 3 years ago. From the moment we met, there was instant chemistry. Although she is beautiful, I did not take it as anything serious because (A) she was only 17 at the time & (B) the most obvious: she was technically my step sister.
I never had a conversation with her until 2 years ago (she was now 19) when I was stuck living in my fathers house for 3 weeks so she & I ended up hanging out a decent amount. No sex, no kissing, NOTHING! Just conversations & we went out dancing a few times. She was very mature for her age & a very positive, calming person. After I moved out of my father's place, I noticed that I missed her & I noticed she missed me. So we went out one night, ended up getting a little drunk & kissed. But it was the best kissing of my life. It was very intense. Soon after, she completely broke up with her boyfriend at the time & so did I with my girlfriend of 2 years. At the time, my girlfriend & I were having crazy troubles & aggressive fights so this was a nice change of pace. She admitted to me that she always had a little crush on me.
So we started to date "secretly." It was really good in the beginning but I noticed she was catching feelings quicker than myself. I also still had feelings for my ex & so did she for hers. She started telling me how much she liked me & wanted to be with me. I really felt flattered but couldn't take it seriously because she was technically my step sister. (Had she not been my step sister, I'm sure we'd be pretty damn serious by now, if not married.)
After a few months of us hanging on & off, out of nowhere, I find out she got back with her ex. I was very mad at her because I thought she was just rebounding because I wasn't committing & he was always trying to commit to her again. A few days later, she admitted that was exactly what she had done & they broke up again.
Our secret relationship went on& off for months after. We both liked each other so much & it felt so good to be together. We started having sex & it was the best EVER. Deep down I was falling for her but I couldn't admit it to myself so never cherished her like she deserved. I never offered her a full commitment. There were times where I got drunk with friends & like an immature loser I called her & confessed how much I loved her. But it was only then that I had the balls to say anything. We always knew we should stop hanging out since it was never official but neither had the strength to stop. On & off she would occasionally see her ex-man because his family was close with hers & I would see my ex-girl because she lived so close to me. She claims that they never "hooked up."
I DID miss my ex-gf a lot because she was the coolest female I had ever met. But we had a lot of physical & aggressive fights over nonsense which made me really take a liking to my "step sister" because when it came to problems, we both handled each other so well. She was attractive, fun & mature, for her age.
So new girl & I continued but I felt terrible knowing that I was falling for her & kept thinking how hard it would be to tell my ex that we are completely done due to the fact. Part of me, still had feelings for my ex-gf because I wanted us to work out but I knew that we could never in the long run because of the way we "bumped heads."
Little by little, I started to notice in the past few months that "new girl" was regretting leaving her ex for me. Mostly likely because I never wanted to commit. She went back to her country for a month & I missed her so much. I called her a few times while she was a way & I sent her an email that I was ready for her. When she got back we hung out & I STILL didn't pop the question.
Through out our "relationship" we had some awesome times but I admit that I was the one who gave us problems. I was always hiding our relationship & kept thinking "what would people think? they'd never understand." etc.
Recently I noticed her pulling away & she told me she had stronger feelings for her ex & they got back together. She has been with him since. I was hurting bad when she first told me! I felt like I had messed this all up. I really loved her but it was so hard to admit it to myself, to my family & my ex. When she first was gone, I was distraught & realized what I lost. I did what everybody does & called, txted & emailed her like crazy. I even went to her house & confessed everything, apologizing & taking full blame. It was nice to let it out but again, she gave me some mixed signals.
The problem lies in that she still shows clear signs that she has feelings for me/us. She seems like she only got back with him because he's a nice guy who makes her feel secure but deep down I think she knows that she & I have something more special. She never talks about him, she has no pictures of him & her together on her social networking profiles, which is very odd to me since there are pictures of her on there at events I know they went to together but she doesn't put any of him. Although, it lists her as "in a relationship" which I think is personally very unfair to him but I can't base their relationship from her myspace.
So to add more confusion. She came by my job with her family recently. We have also been texting moderately back & forth. She seems like she is putting up a wall because I hurt her badly & maybe she regrets getting back with her ex but I know she won't admit that because it would make her look immature. Anytime she & I would talk on the phone recently, it would always end up with us talking about how we met, things we've shared etc. Never a mention of his name or my ex's.
Regardless, my feelings for her are true & I totally understand why she would go back with him. I have nothing against him & I have no anger towards her. But I do want a second chance with her. I want her to be happy but I'd love to be the one to share that with her. I honestly do not care any more that she is technically my step sister. We have a special connection that I've never felt with anyone. Overall, being with her has been better than any of the 4 females I've dated long term so I can only imagine how things would be if we are both on the same page.
The latest update is that her boyfriend went out of state for a few days & she & I hung out. It was really nice. No kissing, etc. Just went out to dinner & dancing. Again, we constantly talked about us & our past & the good times. She claimed that she wanted to meet with me for us to have closure & end on good terms. She later told me that she is really confused & didn't necessarily mean that. But she is still with him to this day. We spoke on the phone a few days ago & she confessed that she really was falling in love with me but didn't see any progress so she had to move on. But she never once said anything direct like, "i want to end up with you." She did say that she wants to "fix this" but didn't directly say for us to get back together. She made it seem like she wanted to fix things in order to be happy, whatever that may take. Things were looking up & I felt great knowing that we were both unforgettable to each other. I noticed she didn't contact me at all the day after & later I found out they had spent the day together.
BUT, just the other day he got her a kitten & she told me which set my feelings back. Because ONE: she is still with him, TWO: now they have something to share for a long period. Her response, "Well i didnt ask for the cat."
I know some of this may sound immature but I am very confused. I got upset knowing she is accepting gifts from him like that.
I need to know where to go from here. I ignored her texts after that kitten conversation. She claims I am being impatient. She also has brought up how she was in the exact opposite situation when she was waiting for me to commit. She said she doesn't think its fair to me that I wait for her but that I need to be more understanding. But what is she waiting for & what should I be waiting for? She admits to being confused so shouldn't she be alone versus being with him or me? I want her to be happy therefore I feel I need to leave her alone & allow her to figure things out without me there. But I am sitting here feeling guilty for ignoring her texts. She also sent me some pictures of us through email that were taken recently. I didn't even respond to the emails.
- Is she really confused & trying to figure out how to let him down easy?
- Is she so hurt over what happened with us that she doesn't want to go through that again?
- Is she keeping me in the background as an option to fall back on? (Altho she claims she is not)
- Is she simply toying with me? Maybe getting a little revenge (altho she is a sweet heart & never showed signs of being spiteful in any situation.)
- Do I contact her at all in a "nicer" way so that we are cool or does she need to miss me in a harsh way? I don't want to push her away by being mean & making her think it's a bad idea to get back with me.
- Should I wait for her since she waited so long while we dated & nothing came about?
- Should I just forget about the whole thing? I really don't care about her being my step sister, I'm willing to challenge that to anyone in my way.
*Any advice or comments are welcomed. I'm a big boy, I can deal with the truth!
THANKS EVERYONE!!
:-D