Just broke up with girlfriend, how do I stay on the No Contact course?
I've read a couple posts on here, explaining that the best way to go about healing yourself is to adhere strictly to the No Contact Rule. I am thinking about doing this, but I have some specific questions to ask about it.
In my situation, I am a sophomore at college who met this girl in the first couple days of my freshman year. This girl was my neighbor as well as in my class (that extended and was a year long). Probably due to these circumstances, we were pushed towards each other. One of my roommates always went to bed early, so at night I would almost always go in and hang out in her room with my roommate, her roommate, and another girl from our floor. We all got along pretty well, but me and her especially clicked, and I developed strong feelings for her 2 or 3 weeks into school. Due to constantly seeing her and realizing that her rejecting me would be impossible to get away from because of how often I saw her, I ended up waiting until the spring to ask her out. She said yes, and we went out, both of us (seemingly) very happy with it because we were such good friends first. What I didn't realize at the time (it became very apparent over the summer) was that, in our entire time together, she never went out of her way to hang out with me/text me/call me, it was always me reaching out to her. Over the summer, I realized this, but made a firm resolution not to argue over the summer. Now, this was my first real relationship, so I admit I might have made a mistake here, I shouldn't have kept my feelings bottled in, but instead of not telling her, I ended up just not texting/calling (obviously, she did not text/call either, but when I did it, it basically brought our relationship to a halt).
When we got back to school, I planned to talk to her and explain the problem, assuming that she liked me enough to make an effort to communicate more with me. However, when we talked, instead of her thinking about what she could have done differently/how she could have worked harder, she just said the whole thing was too hard and she didn't think it was worth it anymore (funny that she didn't think that when I was doing all the work). However, she still wanted to go back to being friends, even though as friends it was still terrible for me reaching out and helping her while she never tried to do the same for me. I didn't explicitly say it, but the way I walked away from her when it got too much to take showed her that I did not want to talk to her.
About a week later, she texted me asking me to talk. I did not want to torture her the way she did me by playing games, so I just responded saying she needed to think about what she wanted and then talk to me. A few days later, she said she wanted to talk. I suspected she didn't really think it over, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she did and agreed to talk.
We talked, she seemed to listen to me, and told me she wanted to change, that she didn't like always being in her comfort zone. I told her if she was willing to try, I'd help her. We both agreed to go back to being friends, but then things led to things and we were kissing and then going out again.
It's been three weeks since then, and she seemed to make a good faith effort for the first couple of days, but pretty soon she was back to not trying, not making an effort, etc. I told her we needed to talk, and due to both of us having busy schedules, the silence between that lasted a week. Last night we talked, I told her that while I felt I was at least trying to work on some of the problems she had with the relationship (honesty), she was not really trying to step outside her comfort zone for me. She said that she just didn't feel comfortable doing that, that she hated how our relationship inevitably became a cycle of a brief happy period followed by problems (even though I consider myself a pretty mellow guy, the only problems I had with her was that she didn't seem to care), and that she wanted to go back to just being friends. After a lot of strain, I told her I would.
However, that night, our original group (which not coincidentally had grown to include a few more of her close friends) went out, and I realized that I just couldn't pretend like I was okay with going back to being friends. I put in so much more than her, so seeing her be happy with me being just one of the pack was too much. Tonight, our whole group is supposed to go out for a Halloween party. Part of me doesn't want to go out, but I know that I shouldn't let her control my life. But I am planning on telling her face to face that I don't wish to contact her anymore.
The problem is, she is such a big part of my life. We were both freshmen that came into school knowing no one, and we both made the same group of close friends. If I am ever with them they end up talking about her. She is in one of my classes and I sit with her. When we go out to parties she is in our group. I really don't have another group of friends that I am as tight with, because I haven't needed one. Obviously I could start trying to make new friends, but a little bit into sophomore year, a lot of people have already settled on who they hang out with. In addition, I go to a huge school, so it is hard to make close friends, a lot of the people you meet become your casual friends. So I am not sure if I will be able to cut her out of my life, it seems like she will constantly pop back up. How do I stick to the No Contact Rule when it seems like she is always around?