I can't find god and I call myself a christain
When I was in the 9th grade my faith was booming, no one could stop me from shouting halliluah to the LORD! But then I got into a relationship (which was a bad idea I've never had a good one) he was really nice and funny and didn't seem like the type that would hurt me at all so I put a lot of my trust in him. Well come when I was on vacation he dumped me over myspace and told me not to call him. I was crushed and as hard as I prayed the pain didn't subside. Since then its been one trip after another never getting on my feet again as hard as I try to run straight to God. I love him he knows I do, but I'm having to fight my own sins for my soul. I ask every night for forgiveness but I feel so filthy and sick in a way. And ever since all those consistent troubles there's been something I like to call a demon sitting in the corner of my mind saying every time I pray "what if he's not there?" I can't stand it I'm so miserable and I want my faith back more than anything. I never stopped praying though and never stopped following his word but I can't find him. I'm so very lost, and so thirsty for the lord, but every time I call to him, he doesn't seem to yell back.
PLEASE I beg you if any of you have any answers, please help me.