BF unsure and wants to move out-how to handle
I have just stumbled upon the fact that my boyfriend has a long term porn addiction. From what I found, I know it is something that has been going on for many years and that he knows it is an addiction. I really need honest opinions from genuine porn addicts themselves. Please help with any or all questions.
-Does he know that he is depriving us of intimacy (he says he has a low drive right now) or just covering for his mistress (porn)?
-Does looking at so many different women make you do something worse like cheating in real life?
-Can you truly love another person?
-By looking at so many young airbrushed girls and videos, does looking at a partner sicken you because they are not that way?
Do you love it more than your partner or do you feel guilty?
Let me add that I think all stimulants (toys, videos, cuffs) are very fun, I just am concerned about the amount of time and trying to understand so I can tlak about it in a non-emotional way.
BF unsure and wants to move out-how to handle
My BF of 2years and I live together. Everything was going wonderful. When we struggled like couples, we always made it through. A month ago we got in a fight and everything started unraveling with drama and intensity quickly. Since then he has said he wanted to move out- doesn't know what he wants- is completely unhappy with his life- is majorly depressed- feels the strong urge to go on his own- he needs "me" time- can't commit to marriage anymore like we planned- doesn't know if I am the one- loves me so much- doesn't want to live without me.. etc.
His therapist said he has issues with commitments in all areas of his life and I feel like he is running and the "grass is always greener".
When he unloaded all of this on me, I cried and said I love you etc. He said he was so confused and we should give this 30 days to see if he gets out of this funk. He left for one night because we were both so upset and he came home that night saying he loved me so much. It has been 7 days and things were slooowly and awkwardly getting back to a balance. Yesterday he emailed me his head is all messed up and I responded it is difficult for me to live like this b.c I am worth being sure of and if he needed to go he could. He then went and looked at apartments. I did not cry this time, but found myself trying to talk him out of it because I feel he does not see the forest for the trees and he is in a major depression and he is making life decisions in the midst of that. I feel awful for his pain, at the same time, I find it hard to live like this and feel I am doing the wrong thing for myself AND what if he is depressed because of me and not the other way around like I've been rationalizing.
I would tell him just to move on asap, but we have set up a home, spoke seriously about marriage etc. Also, I said how much I loved him last night and I don't want to keep going back and forth like he is doing. Lastly, I do not want to lose him. I think space would be good for him to clear his head, but moving out is so permanent.
Any solid advice would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
How to do no contact after break up if he is moving out and have same friends?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years (and 3 weeks). We broke up last night. He doesn't think I am the one or we are meant to be together. He is not "in love" with me. We had been getting along so good and even talked of getting married, but we had 2 blow up drunken raging fights over the last 3 weeks and I even slapped him. I know! I accept the consequences of my actions and that he thinks the relationship at times is too hard, he needs to spend time working on himself, etc..
Here is where I need help. I accept it is over, but I love him even though in my heart I guess I know he doesn't love me the same. I want to bow out as gracefully as possible, without letting him have it so easy. I want the opportunity for him to miss me if that could happen.
Can you help with these?
1. We live together.. without yelling or many tears I told him he would have to leave this morning and then find a time to get his stuff. How do I do no contact in this situation and/or handle it gracefully knowing we need contact. He said he would leave the key once all of his stuff was out, but I want to have control back of my life and want to change the locks. Is that over the top?
2. Our circle of friends is like one big family. How do I do no- contact in that situation? If I do no contact with friends too won't he deepen the bonds and "get" the friends. If we have to be around each other how do I act so he misses me without being pathetic?
3. How do I handle jealousy and the pain of knowing (he is quite attractive) that he might begin the single life full force and handle that pain since we go to the same places?
4. I actually still love him and am so hurt and blindsided, but in a way I guess I saw it coming. How do I handle this all cool and collective with grace—without completely going bat crazy? I want our friends to feel comfortable, but I don't want to give him a pass to get all the benefits of a friendship with me at this time. I don't know how to balance being the girl you regret leaving with holding my boundaries (without appearing too nice or too bith&)
Any other advice appreciated.
He broke up w/me- we have same friends
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years (and 3 weeks). We broke up last night. He doesn't think I am the one or we are meant to be together. He is not "in love" with me. We had been getting along so good and even talked of getting married, but we had 2 blow up drunken raging fights over the last 3 weeks and I even slapped him. I know! I accept the consequences of my actions and that he thinks the relationship at times is too hard, he needs to spend time working on himself, etc..
Here is where I need help. I accept it is over, but I love him even though in my heart I guess I know he doesn't love me the same. I want to bow out as gracefully as possible, without letting him have it so easy. I want the opportunity for him to miss me if that could happen.
Cna you help with these?
1. We live together.. without yelling or many tears I told him he would have to leave this morning and then find a time to get his stuff. How do I do no contact in this situation and/or handle it gracefully knowing we need contact. He said he would leave the key once all of his stuff was out, but I want to have control back of my life and want to change the locks. Is that over the top?
2. Our circle of friends is like one big family. How do I do no- contact in that situation? If I do no contact with friends too won't he deepen the bonds and "get" the friends. If we have to be around each other how do I act so he misses me without being pathetic?
3. How do I handle jealousy and the pain of knowing (he is quite attractive) that he might begin the single life full force and handle that pain since we go to the same places?
Any other advice appreciated.