Ask Me Help Desk - How can I get a 18 year old to leave my house?

I live in Richmond, Virginia. A commonwealth state and I desperatly need to know how to get a disrepectful, rebelious,lazy 18 year old step daughter to leave my house. To make what could be a very long story short she does not help cook, clean, do luandry or participate in anything concerning work in my house. She does not pay rent but has been ask to pay $65 a week which includes food,water,electricity,and luandry service and cleaning service. She refuses to pay a dime. She does have a job and blows all of her money on fun. I have had enough of her attitude and I want her out of my house. The rules of the house do not apply to her and she comes and goes as she pleases only to return home to eat , sleep all day, and leave again. Her little brother is just the same as her but will help do a few things around the house if his mother ask. I think if I can get her out of my house he will improve. I purchased my house in my name only, one because I wanted to but also my wife can't buy a house because she is working onher residency. This 18 year old thinks she can live at my house as long as she wants just because her mother says she doesn't have to leave. Her mother doesn't do anything to try and change her. I am fed up and I just want her out of my house and don't come back. Please help me I am about to snap. She has been ask to leave and refuses, she has been ask to pay rent and refuses, she has been ask to help around the house and sleeps all day.

Give her an eviction notice. She has to move out by that day (usually 30 days).

Hi there, I'm a 20 year old daughter of a dad and mom too. I can see where your coming from because I have been through what she is doing, just not as bad.
I understand you want her out because its pointless to have her there and its stressing you out, but from my advice, instead of pushing her out, help her move out. When out on my own for the first time its stressfull and makes you realize you can't be lazy or you will be on the streets, or starve.
Just don't hate her. She is still your daugter. I lost my dad over a year ago in an accident and I wish to god every day he was still here so I could spend everyday with him. Made me realize how important my dad was to me.
But what I mean when I say help her out.. possibly find an apartment or basement suite, pay her first months rent and damage deposit, buy a bit of groceries to get her started and get her out on her own. She will appreciate you helping even if she doesn't show it. And when the food runs out and money is low it could show her the hard way she has to be a responsible young adult and grow up. The worst is she will end up on the streets. Its bad to hear that especially for your own kid but what can you do if they just won't help themselves right. If she hears she can live on her own and have everyhting to herself and not be bothered by anyone in her own place I'm sure she will take it.
Its just some advice right, no harm and just an idea.
I hope things work out for you.

Draw up a contract that provides for her to pay rent and/or perform household chores. If she refuses to sign the contract, then tell her that she has 30 days to find a place to live or your will start eviction proceedings.

If she does sign the contract, tell her that she has to abide by it or you will evict.

Quote:

Originally Posted by robert b2

I live in Richmond, Virginia. a commonwealth state and I desperatly need to know how to get a disrepectful, rebelious,lazy 18 year old step daughter to leave my house. To make what could be a very long story short she does not help cook, clean, do luandry or participate in anything concerning work in my house. She does not pay rent but has been ask to pay $65 a week which includes food,water,electricity,and luandry service and cleaning service. She refuses to pay a dime. She does have a job and blows all of her money on fun. I have had enough of her attitude and I want her out of my house. The rules of the house do not apply to her and she comes and goes as she pleases only to return home to eat , sleep all day, and leave again. Her little brother is just the same as her but will help do a few things around the house if his mother ask. I think if I can get her out of my house he will improve. I purchased my house in my name only, one becouse I wanted to but also my wife can't buy a house because she is working onher residency. This 18 year old thinks she can live at my house as long as she wants just because her mother says she doesnt have to leave. Her mother doesn't do anything to try and change her. I am fed up and I just want her out of my house and don't come back. Please help me I am about to snap. She has been ask to leave and refuses, she has been ask to pay rent and refuses, she has been ask to help around the house and sleeps all day.

Your house so you rule. You first problem is your wife. Sit down with her and CALMLY (so she will not be on the defensive )discuss with her your expectation of someone that age living in your home. You have to provide a united front to her kids or you won't get anywhere. First of all, if mom doesn't do her laundry, daughter will do it... eventually. Anything that you provide for her can be held back. Lock the doors at a certain time. Don't buy her any gas, clothes, personal items, or "special food request" at the grocery store. All of these things are privileges that come with being a team player in the home. She has no respect for authority and no sense of fairness or doing what is right, Looks like she is going to have to learn the hard way that there is a price to pay for everything... one way or another.

I was 16 when I went through this whole process with my step-father. I did not want to respect him. Yes, for as long as my mother was on my side I kept it up. Both my parents ( step-dad and mom) sat down with me and had a chat, stating what was needed from me, and what I would and would not be aloud to do. Of course I dis-obeyed everything and continued doing what I wanted finally they kicked me out. It forced me to realize what happened in "the real world" and as of now I am working full time and supporting myself (and of course wishing I hadn't been so naive).
Yes you may not want to have to do it, but hopefully good will come from it. Your daughter will either come around and help out, if faced with getting kicked-out, or she will opt for the alternative. And yes you will feel bad(my mother wasn't sure if it was the right idea to kick me out) but now, years later she see's that I am doing really good for myself, and I feel great about myself knowing it was tough, and I did... all on my own.

Robert, I admire your problem but unfortunately don't have an answer. Let me know however how you make out. I am in the same situation with a few differences. The 18 year old is male and I just had a heart attack. Likely because of all the stress.

This kid to boot is ADHD and has maybe 2 grad nine credits only. He has no idea what is going on. Mom cuddles him and will not toss him out on his . He can't survive but I also don't want to spend whatever life I have left putting up with his harassment. He blames us for all his troubles. I just hope they send him to jail as he was busted for robery.

Keep in touch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by robert b2

I live in Richmond, Virginia. a commonwealth state and I desperatly need to know how to get a disrepectful, rebelious,lazy 18 year old step daughter to leave my house. To make what could be a very long story short she does not help cook, clean, do luandry or participate in anything concerning work in my house. She does not pay rent but has been ask to pay $65 a week which includes food,water,electricity,and luandry service and cleaning service. She refuses to pay a dime. She does have a job and blows all of her money on fun. I have had enough of her attitude and I want her out of my house. The rules of the house do not apply to her and she comes and goes as she pleases only to return home to eat , sleep all day, and leave again. Her little brother is just the same as her but will help do a few things around the house if his mother ask. I think if I can get her out of my house he will improve. I purchased my house in my name only, one becouse I wanted to but also my wife can't buy a house because she is working onher residency. This 18 year old thinks she can live at my house as long as she wants just because her mother says she doesnt have to leave. Her mother doesn't do anything to try and change her. I am fed up and I just want her out of my house and don't come back. Please help me I am about to snap. She has been ask to leave and refuses, she has been ask to pay rent and refuses, she has been ask to help around the house and sleeps all day.

Hi robert, I have a similar situation with an 18 year old child that lives in my home. He's my brother. He won't clean, he won't wash a dish, he won't pay rent, he just lays on my couch all day and sit on the computer. Did I mention that he doesn't bathe? I've came to the resolution of giving him an eviction notice. He has to be out by the 1st of next month. Now he's trying to do all the things I aqsked him to do but it's too late

"I live in Richmond, Virginia. a commonwealth state and I desperatly need to know how to get a disrepectful, rebelious,lazy 18 year old step daughter to leave my house. To make what could be a very long story short she does not help cook, clean, do luandry or participate in anything concerning work in my house. She does not pay rent but has been ask to pay $65 a week which includes food,water,electricity,and luandry service and cleaning service. She refuses to pay a dime. She does have a job and blows all of her money on fun. I have had enough of her attitude and I want her out of my house. The rules of the house do not apply to her and she comes and goes as she pleases only to return home to eat , sleep all day, and leave again. Her little brother is just the same as her but will help do a few things around the house if his mother ask. I think if I can get her out of my house he will improve. I purchased my house in my name only, one becouse I wanted to but also my wife can't buy a house because she is working onher residency. This 18 year old thinks she can live at my house as long as she wants just because her mother says she doesnt have to leave. Her mother doesn't do anything to try and change her. I am fed up and I just want her out of my house and don't come back. Please help me I am about to snap. She has been ask to leave and refuses, she has been ask to pay rent and refuses, she has been ask to help around the house and sleeps all day.
"

About to Snap,

Gosh, sounds like you have a lot going on. I really hope a solution presents itself for you, but if it's worth anything here's my two cents:

I'm 38. My Son is 18. :) I'm a single mom, stayed single until two years ago. I read your words towards the fact that your wife is working on her residency, so that MUST present other social/cultural issues that really need some love and attention to understand so that both you and your wife can help that young child who's so rebellious. I use to be like that too. I was rebellious because my childhood was extremely irradict and unfortunately abusive :( So, for what it's worth maybe some digging around into the past of your wife's children may be necessary so a WONDERFUL guy like you who obviously loves your wife because your willing to buy a house for her and her family, it's really such a beautiful gesture and makes so much sense as to why your ready to snap.

I was wondering if you had any expectations on your that might be overwhelming, such as a work, or other finanical stresses? Are you in good health... these things can really influence your ability to really see how vunerable your step daughter is... and how she needs a WONDERFUL guy like you to teach her to respect herself. Something is horribly wrong with your step daughter if she is so blantantly rebellious and PILL...

I'm no expert, but I have found that talking with my son and trying to understand his world really helps me to help him help himself and in return I am helped. I was CERTAINLY scared my son was going to sit around and play video games all day when he didn't sign up for community college and kept telling me he couldn't find work (we are in California, so I had reason to understand)... long story short... he's enrolled 12 units all by himself and I contribute it to me being a participant in his life rather than arbitrator of his destiny.

I hope this may help... LOVE goes a long way and I hope you receive all that you deserve. Keep your chin up and your attitude even more. Take care

W.

I know the op is from awhile back, but no doubt others are in a similar situation.

Discuss it with her mother, then the three of you sit down and discuss the situation, expectations, and consequences. Ground rules, family roles and responsibilities, and varying personalities should have been dealt with prior to the living arraingements, but since they weren't you will have to do it now, which always makes things more difficult.

Interesting that it is referred to as "my house" numerous times considering that you are married... right there is a red flag. How long have you been together? Stepfamilies, especially with older kids, can take quite sometime to mesh as each individual tends to be more set in their ways. Add teenage years to the mix and you often have your work cut out for you.

I do know that if my husband were to kick one of my kids out without discussing the issue with me, our marriage would be history.