I want to find birth parents. How do I unseal records

Hopefully you never can. It might be in your mind that you'd like to find your birth mother... or a father; but what about the mother and father who brought you up... have you considered what it would do to them for you to think they're your parents... not somebody who gave you up... for whatever reason.

Think too of the woman who has a life of her own... maybe with another family... and you walk in and "Oh, what a big surprise mom"...

Maybe you have half-siblings... who don't give a damn about you or your wishes.

Think with your heart... then think with your brain what harm you can do.

Then go and live your life... and not somebody else's.

Unless there is some medical emergancy most likely no you wll not get it unsealed. Have you talked to your real parents ( the people who adopted you and raised you ) have you asked to see their copies of the court papers where you were adopted, ( you know they got adoption paper work when you were adopted)

But I also often warn about searching, but if you do, be careful on what you expect to find. And always use a third party to contact in case they don't want any contact.

I found my biological mother and half sister and many cousins and I enjoyed 20 years getting to know my mother then she passed. I still have contact with my half sisters and cousins and there all wonderful people. It takes a very strong will and balance to always remember that my adoptive parents came first and were very important people in my life. But my biological family plays a very important place in my life. In fact this weekend I spent with my biological cousins and had a great weekend with them.

I am very happy you had a good meeting, and many do go good. We do just wish to caution people that many do not go good, Birth parents may be remarried and never told anyone about you, and you cause them a divorce or marriage issues, they may spit on you and curse you, they may get a restraining order against you or you may find they were a drug ridden hooker and so on. The real problem is too many people have this make believe idea of a parent and do not go into the search very open minded of what they may find.

Generally you can't unseal records unless there is a medical issue.

You CAN, however, start a search. Start with asking your REAL parents what they know about your IMAGINARY parents--erm, I mean birthparents. But everyone KNOWS those aren't your "real" parents, so they have to be imaginary, right?--what they know about the adoption.

Contact the adoption agency used. Sometimes they will let you know if you can leave a letter for your birthparents--and sometimes there will be a letter waiting from them. Do the same at the courthouse in the county in which the adoption took place.

Start registering on reunion boards--adoption.com and ISRR have great reunion pages.

I would suggest that if contact is made, that you make initial contact through a third party. Sometimes people want to leave the past in the past. Sometimes they are eager to meet you. You won' tknow which until it happens.

Depending on the state in which you were adopted, you may be entitled to receive a copy of your original birth certificate, just like non-adopted people. If you were adopted in Kansas, Alaska, Oregon, New Hampshire Alabama or Maine (starting on Jan. 1, 2009) you can apply for and receive a copy of this document. If you were adopted in Tennessee, you will likely be able to receive it, as well. Other states have different laws, although many require that you obtain a court order to receive a copy of your record.

Since what you are wanting is information or contact, then there are other ways of going about this. The original birth certificate will be helpful in that you'll get a name or names, but contact happens all the time despite sealed records. Make sure to sign up with the International Soundex Reunion Registry at ISRR - International Soundex Reunion Registry - FREE. It is the largest reunion registry in the world. Also, be certain to contact your state's social services department or the agency that handled your adoption in order to obtain your non-identifying information (non-id.) All adopted citizens are entitled to this information by law. There are also search angels who can help. http://www.the-seeker.com/angels.htm I have been happily enjoying reunion for seven years now. We all searched for each other.

Here is some interesting information about sealed records in adoption.

This is an issue of an entire group of citizens, adopted adults, being barred from a right non-adopted citizens have. Unequal treatment under the law is discrimination by the state holding the records. This discrimination turns access to one's own birth record from a right to a privilege, based solely on the adoptive status of a person, a condition over which the adopted person had no say or control. No other citizens but adopted adults are expected to grovel before a judge or ask someone else's permission in order to obtain access to their own birth records. This places adopted citizens in a position of being considered suspect and placed in a secondary class compared to non-adopted citizens.

At one point in history, no one was denied the right to his or her own birth record, adopted or not adopted. The sealing of these records began in the 1930's to hide the shame of out-of-wedlock pregnancy and infertility. Sealing records was also a means allowing adoptive parents privacy from birth parents. Some states did not seal records until much later, while some states, Alaska and Kansas, never sealed records.

For anyone who believes records are sealed in order to protect the anonymity of the natural parents, consider the actual law.

*It is highly notable that records only seal upon the finalization of an adoption. They only stay sealed if an adoption remains intact. They do not seal upon relinquishment, are not sealed while the child is in foster care and are not sealed while the child is in an adoptive placement that is not yet finalized by the court. How does this protect a natural parent's anonymity?

*If an adoption fails, i.e. the adoptive parents "return" the child, the original birth record with the natural parents' names on it, is unsealed and re-established as the child's only legal birth certificate. How does this protect the natural parents' anonymity? Incidentally, I'm sad to say that there have been stories in the papers lately about failed adoptions occurring.

*Adult adopted citizens in states with sealed records can gain access to their birth records as long as they petition the court and get a court order. How does this protect a natural parent's anonymity?

* No one has ever been able to bring forth a relinquishment document that promises anonymity. Even the greatest opponents of open records, such as the National Council For Adoption, has ever been unable to produce such a document.

*In some states with sealed records, it is the prerogative of the adoptive parents or the adoptee (if old enough to state a desire) as to whether the original birth certificate is sealed. The natural parents have no say. How does this protect a natural parent's anonymity?

Hence, there is no guarantee of anonymity or confidentiality, nor can such be promised under the law as written. Oddly enough, however, I have met natural parents who asked if and when they could contact their relinquished children. They were told that upon reaching 18 years of age, the adopted person could retrieve his or her original birth certificate containing the natural parents' names. Upon reuniting many years later, these natural parents were surprised to find that what they were told didn't pan out because no one had told them that the records were retroactively sealed, despite the information they were given.

Although this is not truly an issue about reunion, the topic always brings with it discussion of reunion. Therefore, I shall briefly cover this issue. Reunions happen all the time under sealed records laws. Several states that allow all adopted adults to obtain their original birth records also have contact preference forms. This is a form that natural parents can fill out stating whether they wish to be contacted. The preference can be changed at any time. It is filed with the original birth certificate. A copy of it is given to the adopted person if and when s/he obtains the original birth certificate. Because the adopted person knows right away that the natural parent does not want to be contacted, this greatly, greatly decreases the risk of unwanted contact. In states that do not grant access, natural parents and adopted people will continue to find one another, but there will be no information available as to the preference for contact. Like other citizens, adopted persons and natural parents are capable of handling their own relationships, without state interference. They do not need others speaking for them or deciding what is best for them as though they were children incapable of doing so themselves. This is an infringement of the free association enjoyed by other citizens in our society.

Sealed records are also an infringement of an adopted citizens' right to privacy under the Constitution. The right to privacy in the Constitution refers to privacy from government intrusion, not from other citizens making contact. There is no Constitutional right to anonymity. Just as adopted citizens are asking only to have the same rights, no more and no less, as other citizens, birthparents should have the very same rights, no more and no less, than other citizens. This means no special anonymity provision.

I don't agree that records should be sealed.

I do believe, however, that ALL parties be amenable to a reunion before a reunion happens.

I know both birthparents and adopted people who have NO interest in meeting the other party--and that right should be respected.