Ask Me Help Desk - Need advice

Thanks for the advice

Most people would say dump him and move on. Since there is a child involved that really complicates matters. You have to ask yourself a few questions.
1. Do YOU want to make this work out?

2. Do you believe that he wants to make it work out?

3. Is he giving you any indication that he is still cheating?

4. Is he showing any remorse @ all for what he has done?

What is really boils down to is if you want to stay and make it work out with him, then you are going to have to find it somewhere deeeeeep down in you to try and forgive this man, otherwise, you will make yourself miserable. If you can not forgive him and you know this, please don't stay with him for the sake of the child, you will not be happy.
I am not saying blow it off and act as if it never happened, he must be held accountable for his actions, otherwise, he will do it again if he feels that he can get away with it. Ask him how easy would it be if you were to cheat on him, would he just get over it? Let him know that under no uncertain terms will you tolerate this type of behavior from him. Please do not make threats that you have no intentions of following through with. What I mean is don't tell him that you are going to leave if he does it again, if you don't have any intentions of leaving in the first place. If he is sincere, this is going to take time and effort from the both of you.

Before you do anything take care of your son first.no matter what you decide about the father make sure your ducks are in order(child support)Hint:he cheated once what makes you think he won't do it again? you had better think about this long and hard before you fall into the trap most women fall into,3 kids later.Let his action speak louder than his words!good luck you'll need it. :eek: :rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Before you do anything take care of your son first.no matter what you decide about the father make sure your ducks are in order(child support)Hint:he cheated once what makes you think he won't do it again??you had better think about this long and hard before you fall into the trap most women fall into,3 kids later.Let his action speak louder than his words!good luck you'll need it. :eek: :rolleyes:

Very well said. I agree

Okay first he blows you off when some girl tries to flirt with you instead of being a man and showing her he was already with someone. Then all of a sudden you can't be at the party. He isn't sorry. He set up the whole thing to cheat on you with her. He knew that she would be at that party and he did not want you to be there just so he could carry out his plan. See how much he he cares about you? If he is that type of person then what else or should I say who else would he do behind your back?

Hi,
You said "your boyfriend" and the "birth of your son"?
You are living with your boyfriend and have a son by him?
I am so sorry to hear this, cause you now have some problems that have gone a bit too far.
You have a baby, and now is the time to be a good mother (not saying you aren't already). You don't need this "boyfriend" living with you.
He is not ready for marriage, and this won't be the end of it. Has he asked you to marry him? And has he said he will support the child?
If not, please move on. You will eventually find a man who respects you, loves and cares for you. This man isn't he.
I do wish you the best, and good luck. You make your own future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by crankiebabie

okay first he blows you off when some girl trys to flirt with you instead of being a man and showing her he was already with someone. Then all of a sudden you can't be at the party. He aint sorry. he set up the whole thing to cheat on you with her. he knew that she would be at that party and he did not want you to be there just so he could carry out his plan. see how much he he cares about you? if he is that type of person then what else or should i say who else would he do behind your back?

I have to agree. My ex did a similar thing to me. He asked to borrow my car (because his was being fixed) to go to a house party at his bosses daughters house about 1hr away from where we live. I had not been out with him in ages and a house party sounded like so much fun - so I asked him if I could go with him.

He flated siad no "when I asked why not, he babbled a load of excuses which did not really give me any sort of reason but basically shut me up (he was good at that).

I found out (later after he had been bragging) It was not a house party, but simply a nice cosy meal for 4. His bosses two daughters, my ex (Stuart) and his mate Rob. Considering one of his bosses daughters was an ex of his you can imagine how hurtful that was. And he drove my car there to do this leaving me high and dry and stuck in my home town.

He always ignored me when we were out. He would never dance with me; but would quite happily dance with other girls when my back was turned.

He was caught snogging the barmaid at a wedding reception we both attended (Yes I was on the dancefloor with friends and he was round the back of te bar snogging the bar maid) The very same afternoon he had slept with my so called "best friend" the list just goes on and on. All this spread over the two years I was with him. His friends remained quiet about it all, my friends heard rumours but did not know what to believe but was none the wiser.I even aborted his baby when I was 18yrs old because he made me believe I had no other option.

I was a total mess when I found out about what he had been doing and it has taken me along time to get over it.

This man is an arsehole full stop - you really need to cut loose. I know you have a baby together but that is not a reason to stay with him. You can set up access rights for him (if he does want that ofcourse) but put yourself and your baby first - you and your baby deserve the right to a happy life and this man is only going to stand in the way of that. He does not care about you - it's just about what he can get. He can have his cake and eat it and that is all he cares about.