When I was 19 I met a boy who I thought could become a good friend of mine... I remember I really didn't have any romantic feelings for him, whereas with previous people it was always almost love at first sight. Within a short time he had fallen madly in love with me. I still didn't feel much of an attraction that way and told him this however he was heartbroken and writing me love songs, all that cheesy stuff. So I suppose I must have felt sorry for him, and maybe been a bit lonely myself, so I decided to give it a go with him and see if anything blossomed. To make matters even more confusing I had been dating women for a while before that and was trying to figure out my sexuality... so part of it was also testing myself to see if I still had feelings for men. I now can say for sure that I am bisexual so this is not because I am gay, its because I simply never had feelings for him.

Cut to a month later and I find out I'm pregnant.

I decided to keep the baby. My original plan was to break up with him, because I had been planning to before finding out I was pregnant, however he was handling the whole thing well so I figured hey why not give it a shot with this guy for the sake of this kid. Now I'm feeling like I should have gotten out at that point before adding the kid into it all.

Our daughter is almost four now and we've been living together since she was born.I never did love him although I have been trying to convince myself that I do for years. Yet every time I say it I know I'm lying to both of us. I've been having these super intense dreams of falling madly in love with someone and feeling that passion and deep connection which we never had and its made me incredibly sad. And I've been having some fantasies about a friend of mine who I feel connected to in a much deeper way- honestly it's the only thing keeping me going these days.

I've considered leaving many times but the only thing stopping me truthfully is my daughter. I know that if it wasn't for her I would have left years ago and it just feels wrong. I feel like I'm wasting my life and I deserve something better. I want to stay for my daughters sake but the thought of spending 20 years of my life with someone I don't love kills me.

But the last straw came several days ago when he admitted to me that the only reason he 'babysits' our daughter while I go to school and meet up with friends is because he figured it would make me want to have sex with him more but that it wasn't working. He told me I was 'abnormal' for not wanting sex three times a week.

I left our home to go to my mothers place and think and I started to realize that nothing I do is good enough for him. I can't think of a single thing that he appreciates about me and now I wonder if he even loves me or he just feels the same obligation to our daughter that I do. He's honestly always complaining about me-that I don't clean well, I'm a bad mother, I don't communicate, I don't listen, I'm terrible at running a household, I'm bad with money and our sex life sucks.

Yet I refuse to believe I am that terrible person he makes me out to be- I had terrible self esteem all my life but only in the past year or so I've gained friends and independence and self esteem and its made me realize that I want someone who loves me and understands me and appreciates me.

Mostly I just needed to write this all down. But any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Most likely he feels you are doing so many bad things is that he does not feel love, and is looking at least in getting "things" done as some sign of love. While of course there is not a normal times of sex for any couple, to be honest for a young couple 3 times a week is not uncommon and for some it is actually low. Even for us older folks it is not uncommon.

At the end of the day, the child will often suffer from a home where parents don't love each other.

You need to decide to either try and make it work, get counseling, and start trying to find love for each other. Or move on.

You don't love the guy, yet, you stay with him. As much as he's saying and doing hurtful things to you, (you may not realize it but) you are hurting him all the same. The whole relationship is toxic.

It's possible he seeks out sex in substitution for the love you're not reciprocating... Nevertheless, regardless of the "why", the "what" is that the relationship is broken.

I don't know what to tell you about your daughter... I grew up in the home of a broken marriage. My parents haven't slept in the same room since I was 9, but they stayed "together" for me and my sister. Growing up I always felt like I'd have rather them just split up... But honestly, that would have sucked too.

There's no easy answer, you just have to do what you feel in your heart is right, for you AND your daughter. Once you figure out what that is, you have to find the strength to actually DO it.

Many parents in unhappy relationships say the only reason they are still a couple is because of the kids.

Are you using your daughter as the reason or is she an excuse?

It's in everyone's best interest for your daughter to have parents who are happy and fulfilled in their own lives, whether this is together or apart.

It is not in your daughter's best interest for you two to remain together for her sake if this means she will live in an environment of hostility, regret or conflict.

If you're really that unhappy, you need to move on.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

While of course there is not a normal times of sex for any couple, to be honest for a young couple 3 times a week is not uncommon and for some it is actually low. Even for us older folks it is not uncommon.

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I can see how I'd want to if I loved my sexual partner- but obviously when that's lacking and/or I feel resentful sex is quite unpleasant. Honestly it is not a problem with my sex drive because I'm horny several times per week.

When I was married I also had a child with him. Though I did love him at first, it faded. I stayed for the child for years and trust me, the love doesn't magically come. The relationship can't work if you don't love him. You are not helping your daughter because she will see this as she gets older. I think you should leave now before anymore time passes. You deserve to find a loving and fulfilling relationship too. I never wanted to have sex with him either, because the attraction and love was gone, and it does not come back. Sorry that's my opinion and my experience. Maybe others will feel different. Life is too short to be in a relationship with someone who you do not love or have a connection with. Your daughter can still have a happy life without the two of you living together in misery, and will actually probably be better off by the separation in the long run.

Your daughter will be fine, and adjust to a new life, if you are a caring loving parent, and have a secure happy home.

Maybe you can be better parents, than partners.

Never ever stay together for the sake of the child. Children have remarkable perception. They know that something is not right, even if they don't know exactly what it is.

You are setting an example for her. To her, all grown up, this would be normal, and the risk that she has the same kind of relationship you do should be a very real concern.

If the two of you separate, and I believe you should as this relationship is very toxic, she will adjust. The two of you will be happier and that will reflect on your daughter making her happier as well.